Unspoken words

The summer ended. She felt different, different in all ways, like something changed her, awoken her from tight sleep.

“That’s weird I’m still this naïve poor living thing with the dream of getting out of here. But something is different, I don’t understand what exactly it is, I’m no longer the same.”

New academic year arrived, she bore in mind the thought about meeting Nowak again but didn’t give to it much significance. At the very first lesson their English teacher, did a remark about Capitolina’s hair.

“Nowak, what’s happened with your hair?

“Nothing “snapped she.

Kovalski (that was my surname if you are wondering and has amusing origin. Recorded in over forty spellings, this is a surname of Polish or perhaps in some cases, Russian origins. It is in its many and different native forms recorded in such varied places as Poland, Russia, The Ukraine, Germany, Belorussia, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Croatia and Hungary. It can be ethnically either Christian or sometimes Jewish. The origination is from the pre 7th century word 'kowac' meaning to forge, and hence is an occupational name for a smith or at least an ironworker. However the additive suffix '-ski' when recorded, implies land and estate ownership, and like the German 'von' can also be a locational or status name for a person who came from one of the various places called Kowal. Heraldically the name carries many coat of arms. Perhaps the most famous and associated with the famous Crusades of the 12th century to the Holy Land has the blazon of a red field charged with a broadsword point down between two Turkish crescents, all gold. It implies victory over the Muslims, although historically this is arguable) enjoyed the whole situation, her face lighted up with a vicious smile at that moment.

So seeing Capitolina’s agony Kowalski elated with pleasure.

The whole year for Michaela’s despair their teacher made her to be a partner with Capitolina for coming up with ideas for dialogs, having conversations, improving general skills, discussing some topics from the manuals.

But Michaela started loving her conversations with Capitolina, they always laughed, enjoyed twittering about this and that and occasionally found the fount of common thing between them.

Then happened something that Michaela longed for such a long time. Capitolina started missing lessons, her results becoming worse and worse. Michaela’s vanity had the triumph, she was in all smiles about this, finally her enemy would end up with English classes and she could be happy. On the other hand she had the pity for her, because such a brilliant girl, went to the dogs, failed everything, gave up at the very end, she tried even to know what happed to her and wrote her a message, where Capitolina explained that everything was fine and even asked her how she was doing, Michaela estimated this reply like a gesture of Capitolina’s politeness. AS we can see from it I always considered people to be polite me and not caring about me, so my vision towards people was erroneous.

Well, then the hardest moment happened in Michaela’s life that the subject on Capitolina’s life dropped dead. A boy she regarded like a brother,( I mentioned him in the previous chapter) even more than just a brother, she had some kind of a crush on him, he in his turn, enjoyed to spend time with her, but she understood that nothing could be between them because he got a girlfriend, but the piece of hope never leaves our hearts and makes our life a total disaster.

“Dear diary,

I’m so wacky, nutty, fool, batty, how on earth I could have a crush on Mathew, he is not for me, we will never be together either, he has got a girlfriend and he will never like me as a girl. However I can’t help thinking about him, when I’m with him, a peculiar floating sensation comes over me as though I’m a balloon floating up in the air. It’s so difficult to see him every day and pretend that’s everything is all right, because nothing can be all right, when the only thing you do is drooling over a boy, who you will never be with. Moreover, this foolish excitement that goes over me when I see him. Why is it so? All those 2 years he was just a group mate for me, nothing more, but at the end of the third year, I have seen something in him, what it is, I have no the foggiest idea. That’s bizarre, because I fell in him, after my friend said to me that she had had a crush on him, but didn’t know how to say it to him, and I started to see him through and this thing happened. What a shame.”

However after the prom in her technical school, she realized that everything what was between them was nothing, he told her she was a pain in his neck, because once she had told him how bad she felt, he judged it like blonde moaning and stopped talking to her. She started eating much after it, it didn’t help her to cure her hollow which she had inside her, it even worsen the situation, she started hating herself for her weakness in eating, she couldn’t stand it, but every time her mouth was bulged with different kinds of food. Every day living in promises of that she could stop it, she was a strong girl, but nothing happened, binging became a part of her life, looking at the mirror, seeing this God knew what, she was ashamed of herself, didn’t want to see anyone, she closed from friends, world with hope that she could handle with all these things when she would go to Italy. For not looking back she decided to split up all the relationship that she had had with Mathew, she wrote him a message with apologies and commendations for everything he had done for her, and said goodbye to him, she thought he could regarded this message like a farewell one, but he didn’t understand her, and wrote that such beautiful girl didn’t have to complain on life and had all these cockroaches in her head about how ugly she was and fat, he admitted the fact about her a

“ Maybe it’s selfish and a base thing, but I don’t want to have anything with that boy in common, just want to ruin everything and leave him in peace.”

The day of her departure arrived. She always wanted to travel but had no opportunities and means but finally it was happening. She was going to Italy for two weeks, wasn’t it exciting?

“Yeah, I’m so flabbergasted, over-excited and now I know will be ok, the moan girl is going away from me, only positive emotions, thought, it’s going to be incredible trip! Whoop! Whoop!”she cried.

Actually it was in that way, every single day which was spent far away from motherland gave her few and far between feelings and emotions. The turning point in her trip became a day when she met Luigi an Italian young footballer. A bit taller than her. He went on delectable words which every girl wanted to hear, she went wild with excitement of the whole situation, but everything was crushed in a moment, when he started proposing on things which were beyond her recognition.

“Ok ,we kissed, actually I kissed you only because who knows when I ever will jump at the opportunity to be in Italy and kiss hot Italian” she reasoned.

“But what you are offering me, is out of question, I will never do it, especially in the street, well, I have to come up with idea how to chip him off. He is much stronger than me , it’s obvious, moreover this is villain has a good range of muscles, it’s useless to cry out about help as we are in the outskirts of Rome and hardly anyone is in sight, I’m dumbfounded, what the heck he is offering all this, do I look like a slut? Ok, I have to change the subject, or lie something like my hotel is going to close or whatever.”

“What do you want to do?” he asked her with a subtle, charming voice.

“Maybe, you can tell something about yourself?” she offered him in order to win some time.