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What a rocket of cheer kick up owas for Michielas when she finally added her in friends in social network.
There wasn’t a single day passed without writing something good about her. She has become an inspiration for her.
17.11.12
‘Dear diary,
Girls couldn’t make it for my b-day, because of Marisa’s problems, I can’t figure out which ones, but whatever. Then I saw Marisa’s post in twitter, there she explained ‘You are cool, but I don’t want to spend one vacant evening of mine, on you”. Yeah , I can be paranoiac, take things for granted, but I was sure it was addressed to me, ok, I had a conversation with her where she explained it wasn’t for me.
Well, I believed every single word they told me, however it was weird, to tell me about it at the eve of my b-day, I was very upset, frustrated, I had been waiting for this day so much, only because of them. This feeling of cognitive dissonance always was driving me crazy.
However I promised that I have to be cheerful, I managed to do it, but then we went to the cinema I saw Marisa and Capitolina, and here I almost burst in crying, actually I tried not to do it, for not looking weak as a kitten, but it was very painful, I trusted them and they ruined everything in a minute, what’s more, Marisa started to run away, Capitolina told her she didn’t have to do it but eventually they ran away together. Yeah, I thought we could be friends. I can’t find out why they have done such a thing to me, why they lied, the truth would be better than this, people always disappoint me. Why, what for, why always me? Maybe I have a curse? Moreover we went at the same movie in the cinema. It was difficult to concentrate on film, girls I was with that day helped as hard as they could. However when I returned home, I couldn’t stand any longer and exploded in deep cry. I’m not for this world, I have to die, I want to get out of here,I don’t know how survive I want to vanish forever, it is too hard to take. My consciousness can’t take it. I’m a naïve, stupid fool, still believe that one day we can be friends. I’m mad for what they’ve done to me, but I still love them and don’t want to lose them. Maybe I deserved it, maybe I wanted to be perfect to them and exaggerated. Anyway I love them even the betrayed me, I think it is my fault. “ la feducia e` una cosa fragile, facile di rompere, semplice da perdere, molto difficele da recuperare.”
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