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“And, finally, you’re going to join your grandmothers, Renata, and Serene in between each of these and have tea sandwiches and other girly things with them. Your grandmothers only wanted hand and foot rubs, and then they wanted to see everyone as they came through to tell them about their fun spa experiences. Renata’s religion kind of forbids this sort of massive indulgence. But she enjoys your grandmothers very much, and she also took the hand and foot rub option.”
“Why is Serene relegated to grandmother duty?”
He laughed. “It’s not relegation, it’s her choice. Serene is so happy to feel included that we can barely pry her away from them. She was up first of all of us and checking on your grandparents to see if they needed anything. When I was describing the spa plan, she begged, and I do mean begged, to stay with your grandmothers. So she gets the hand and foot option, too, and gets to feel like a part of a family.”
“Works for me. What will you be doing while I’m spending the next hundred hours here?”
“It’ll be the next, oh, five hours, give or take. And, what I’ll be doing is riding herd on the male half of this extravaganza. We have tuxedo fittings that you’ve made me late for but it’s okay because Jeff came out of isolation a little late.”
“Is he—”
“He’s fine. If he weren’t fine, then, yes, we’d both be there, not here. But he’s fine. Complaining that he knows you’re stressed and need him.”
“I am stressed, and I do need him.”
“Right. The two of you are going to have to deal with the fact that for one more day, you aren’t going to be making with the sexual Olympics. Think how much better it’ll make the wedding night. Anticipation and all that.”
“You’re kidding me. Where am I sleeping tonight?”
“In the suite. With all the girls.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No. Jeff’ll be with Christopher. Who’s the best at keeping him under a semblance of control.”
No sex with Martini until we were married? What was this, 1950? “When is my bachelorette party?”
“Around seven or eight, depending on when you’re all done here. Guys will crash it a couple hours in. You can have some make-out time then. I’ll be shutting the party down around midnight and riding herd on the ladies, particularly you.”
“Jeff won’t like me being on the same floor as Chuckie, you know.”
“Nice try. See, the thing is, Renata is going to be with you. And Queen of the Amazons is clear on the ‘no nookie with any man, even husband-to-be’ rule for you tonight through wedding hour.”
I gave up. “Okay. Are you getting us or is Chuckie?”
“Probably both of us. So there’re two of us watching you.”
“You make me sound like a criminal attempting to escape prison.”
Reader kissed my cheek again. “I promise you, marriage isn’t a prison. Just relax and enjoy the process.” He stood up, helped me up, and ushered me into the main spa area, patted my bottom, then disappeared, off to do his Super Savior thing with the guys.
I considered my options. Decided that he and Chuckie had spent so much time and gone to so much trouble and expense, I should at least try to enjoy it.
Turns out, I did.
CHAPTER 63
TRUE TO HIS WORD, READER COLLECTED US around seven in the evening. None of us were overly hungry because we’d been grazing on all the girly food for hours. It was yummy girly food—the Four Seasons really did that up right—and I didn’t have anyone stealing it off my plate, so I actually got enough to eat.
Chuckie was there, too, looking very amused. “Martini spent most of the time whining. You two are a fun couple when you’re apart.”
“We like being together, so sue us.”
“No problem,” he said as he took my arm. “I actually had a great time. Nothing like knowing something he doesn’t to drive him insane.”
“So he knows you helped choose my dress?”
“Knows, hates it, has to deal with the fact that he’s going to be happy I helped.” Chuckie sounded pretty happy about this. I tried not to worry about Martini’s reactions to this, everything else Reader had going, and my dress. What if he didn’t actually like it?
I was still relaxed enough from the spa experience that I only fretted about this a little bit. Besides, had a different fret to think about. “James says we have paparazzi. Other than Mister Joel Oliver, I mean.”
“Yes, so he told me.” He didn’t seem fazed.
“This doesn’t worry you?”
“I’m used to it.”
“Excuse me?”
He shrugged. “One of Australia’s most eligible bachelors, remember? Just ignore them and they’ll go away.”
“How are you doing . . . the job you do with paparazzi following you?”
“It’s part of my cover.” He sighed. “Your mother thinks it’s great.”
“I’ll bet she does. Why are we worried about poor old Mister Joel Oliver, then?”
Chuckie gave me a long look. “Because he’s actually right.”
I considered this. “But no one believes him.”
“Right.” Chuckie’s expression told me exactly what he was thinking.
“You kind of like him, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “I’m not ready to go bowling with him, but I do understand what it’s like to be in the position he’s in.”
“What’s going to happen to him? James insinuated we didn’t have to worry about MJO for a while.”
“It’s need to know, Kitty, and you don’t.”
I decided to give this up. Clearly only I was worried about strange people with stealth cameras following us around, and also clearly Chuckie wasn’t going to tell me what was up with Oliver, either. I prayed it wasn’t going to be something horrible like Oliver had been sent to Guantanamo, but I decided there was nothing I could do about it at this particular time. Besides, supposedly there was a party with my name on it in my near future. “So, where are we going?”
“Well, while Mix has a great view, I’m not sure it’s your style. It’s sort of hip, cool, and trendy.”
“I think I should be insulted you know me this well.”
“Right, so, we’re going to House of Blues.”
“Cool! Great food.”
“Live band.”
“House band?”
“Not exactly.” He looked as though he was trying not to laugh.
“Who is it?”
“Well, we considered booking Aerosmith, but then we realized that would mean you would spend the evening offering yourself to Tyler and Perry, and that didn’t seem like something Martini would appreciate in the short or long run.”
Dang. They knew me far too well. “So you guys booked this band specially? How in the world could you have done that on this kind of short notice?”
Chuckie shrugged. “As you said and Cyndi Lauper sang so well, money changes everything.”
“Elton John?”
“Bank of Chuckie is not able to make that kind of loan.”
“I thought you were rich.”
“I still need to eat next week.”
“Fine. Girl act or boy act?”
“Boy, because we also didn’t think it was fair to you to put someone like Gwen Stefani up there so the guys both crashed the party early and spent the time offering themselves up to Gwen. We’re going for ‘fun party’ here, not ‘ending the relationship the night before the wedding.’ I’d like to mention that this is a sacrifice on my part.”
“You’re both so thoughtful, and you’re a prince. So, do I need to go through my entire iPod or are you going to tell me?”
“I’m going to make you wait until we’re there.”
“Humph.”
Of course, it didn’t take us long to get there. The “closed for private party” signs were kind of cool, since I was part of the private party. Got inside and wondered who all these people were. The place was packed. Realized it was packed with every female relative of mine, a great number of my female friends, every female relative of Martini’s, and a lot of females who were also, technically, relatives of Martini’s. The Dazzler quotient was as high as at the Science Center.