The Scheme

All I could do was nod. Before, all I had wanted, all I had wished for, was a chance with him, and it looked like I was going to get it.

But did I want it?

***

It was a slow night. Not a lot of patients with broken arms or gunshot wounds. Not that I was hoping for either, but I needed something to keep my mind off of things, and blood always seemed to help occupy me.

I watched James pace back and forth around the nurses’ station. It was as if he was purposely trying to get my attention. In normal circumstances, I’d be up and out of my seat, giddy at the thought of him noticing me. At one time, I would’ve craved any bit of attention he would throw my way. Now I felt blasé about it. I didn’t care anymore.

I sat in the chair, rested my elbows at the edge of the desk, and stared blankly at my computer screen. I was bored out of my mind as I waited for my next patient. When James finally approached the desk, I smiled up at him, feeling polite but nothing else.

It was fu

I wished I could just get this over with, fast forward five years to see where I’d be. I wanted to confirm I’d be as happy with him as Evangeline had predicted because with all that Beth had said about futures changing and all my feelings for Brian bubbling to the surface, I had major doubts.

I looked away from his hopeful grin. If he was going to ask me out, let him do it. If not, I vowed to remain celibate with my vibrator for life. No complications. No expectations. Me and my energizer bu

When James walked away, I huffed out a sigh and went back to my computer screen, charting my last patient. After ten minutes, I headed to the coffee machine. I felt his presence behind me before I even turned around. When I moved to face him, he threw me his wi

But as I stared up at him, I started to notice everything Brian had pointed out, things I had never spotted before because I was too infatuated with a guy I hardly knew, a guy I had put up on a pedestal.

He awkwardly rested his hip against the counter where the coffee machine was stationed, not at all suave. He looked uncomfortable—stiff. Just thinking of that word made me laugh internally.

“Slow night,” he remarked with a forced coolness that made me believe he’d never once been cool.

Disappointment seeped into me. It was hard to believe that, not so long ago, I’d thought he was the epitome of the perfect man. But he was only a character I’d made up in my head.

His eyes roamed my face then drifted to the curvature of my breasts. If this had happened even last week, his look alone would’ve probably given me goose bumps. But it didn’t today. Slowly, I crossed my arms over my chest so he’d stop undressing me with his eyes. My boobs weren’t his to look at.

“Dr. Chan is already down here. I’m wondering if I should go home,” he said, his eyes still on my chest.

Rude much?

I didn’t answer. Instead, I just closed my eyes and let his voice wash over me. I pictured us buck naked, doing it like rabbits as I had imagined so many times before.

“Hey,” he said, “I was thinking maybe we could go out to di

A date?

Brian’s face popped into my mind, and my mouth went dry. I felt sick.

When I opened my eyes, I forced a smile for his benefit and mentally cursed Brian for ruining something that was supposed to be perfect.

This was Karma biting me in my sweet ass because every time I closed my eyes, I knew he was the only man I’d see.

Being with Brian had ruined me for eternity.

***

For four days, I avoided Brian’s calls and texts like a dark alley in the ghetto. It felt like an eternity since we’d seen each other, and I was willing to keep that going. It would be easier to pretend we never happened.

All was going as pla

He was hunched over, sitting on the floor. His legs were stretched out in front of him, his Cubs hat drawn low, so I couldn’t see his eyes. I stopped moving as a flood of emotions engulfed me, a dizzying current racing through my veins. Damn, I’d missed him.

There was no denying it as my heart raced in my chest. There was this pull, this energy forcing me toward him. It took all my self-control, all my power, to remain a few steps away.

When he saw me, he pushed himself off the floor. “Hey,” he said as he lifted his cap.

“Hey,” I replied softly.

He pointed to a traveler’s mug on the floor. “Hot cocoa,” he murmured. “Since you missed the opportunity to taste it the other night . . . I tried to perfect it at home.”

I swallowed hard and bit the inside of my cheek.

How much more perfect can this guy get?

When our eyes locked, there was such sadness in the span of blue looking down at me, and I knew I was the bitch who’d put it there. It hadn’t been intentional. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him.

When he stepped forward, I took a step back. The hurt in his eyes intensified, and my gaze dropped to the floor as a nauseating feeling of despair began to take over. I couldn’t bear to see all the pain I’d caused him without breaking down myself.

When he reached for me, I pulled away, putting even more distance between us. If he touched me, I’d cave. I’d lose all resolve, and I wasn’t sure I could give myself to him, lose myself completely.

“We need to talk,” he said firmly.

I nodded once and inserted my key in the door before stepping inside. He followed right behind me. I dropped my purse on the floor, fidgeted with the edge of my scrubs, and backed up against the wall. All my defenses were up because I was scared shitless.

Right now, I needed an absolute guarantee that our story would end happily, and Brian couldn’t give me that. I couldn’t stand another heartbreak. My breakup with Cole had severed my heart and tore me down. I wouldn’t be able to live through another failed relationship again. Would I even be able to trust Brian completely after all I’d been through? That wasn’t fair to Brian, either. Brian was no Cole, but how could I overcome this?

All I knew was I had to protect my heart, the beating organ, which pumped life into every vital part of my body. If I couldn’t protect my own self, who would?

I crossed my arms over my chest, placing another barrier between us. My lip quivered as I forced up the shield I was so used to.

He approached me, but I couldn’t retreat any farther. I was already backed against the wall. His presence blanketed me and bombarded my senses, which only reminded me how much I longed for him.

He was a foot away now, and my fingers twitched at my sides, yearning to touch him. With one more step, he closed the gap between us and cupped the side of my face. Heat spread through my body, and I didn’t pull away this time because I wanted to feel his hands on me. Though I knew it would only be temporary and painful when it was over, I’d deal with that later, because I needed the now so much more.

I was a puddle of mush against his touch, the shield crashing down. My self-control slipped. I was losing the i

Emotions rushed to the surface as my breathing became labored. He frightened me beyond belief. I’d never felt so vulnerable, like I could crumble between his fingertips. Problem was, I yearned for him so badly, and there was nothing I could do to stop my heart from wanting what it wanted.