The Scheme

I rested my cheek in his hand as exhaustion hit. For once, I wished I could relinquish control of a life I used to be so sure of. And I wanted Brian to take the lead.

But then my jaw tensed as my messed up thoughts brought me back to Cole, the way I’d let him in, let myself become vulnerable, and, ultimately, he’d broken me. My father and Cole had crushed any semblance of hope I’d had in any other man.

Brian made me feel the way Cole did, but worse. I felt naked in front of him, even when I was fully clothed. He could see the damaged me, not just the spunky, fun Kendy, but he’d also seen all my broken pieces. He knew my past about my father, and about my tormented, violent history with Cole, and yet . . . he was here, with me.

He ran his thumb lightly down my cheek, and I tilted into his palm. Being this close to him was a living contradiction. There was a direct pull between my brain and my heart. My heart melted at the look in his eyes, yet I was torn, knowing I needed to stay away.

He pulled me into him, and I let him, again.

Because I was weak, and he was my kryptonite.

He lifted my chin, his eyes telling me all I needed to know. I swallowed, heat forming behind my eyes. I wanted to tell him he frightened me, that what was happening between us scared the shit out of me, but I didn’t, because I was on the verge of tears.

He bent down and kissed my lips, so softly, so sweetly, as though he was breathing all his emotions into me, then he pulled back. “I love you,” he said with so much intensity all his sincerity poured into those three words.

And then it was over.

I broke down in front of him. Big, fat tears spilled down my cheeks. I hadn’t cried in front of anyone other than Beth before, but I couldn’t seem to stop.

I trembled in his arms, but his hold only tightened as he rested his forehead against mine. He knew I was shattering. “I know you’re scared, but I’m never going to hurt you. I promise.”

I wanted to believe him. For once, I wanted to believe and put my trust in a man and know he wouldn’t fail me.

“I’m not him,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. “I want to be with you. I love you, baby. Don’t push me away. Please let me in.”

I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. Why was it so damn hard?

“Look at me, Kendy.”

When I opened my eyes, I could see his heart in the blue of his eyes.

“The best thing about this—about us—is falling,” he whispered. “Fall back, baby, and know I’m never going to let you hit the ground.” He wiped my tears with his thumbs. “I want you to pick me. I want to take care of you, be your ‘it’ guy. If you want the moon, I’ll give you the moon. I’ll give you twenty fucking moons, if that’s what you want,” he said lightly, even though the moment was serious. “Your psychic predicted he’d give you the moon, but I’d give you the moon, the stars, the universe, and everything in it. Everything you want. I want to be the man to give it to you.”

It was all too much. Me crying, his words, his presence. I swiped at my cheeks, trying to dry my tears. I tried moving away from him, but he reached for my hand, stilling me in my spot.

His jaw was set, his mind made up. “This is where everything changes. Where I make it change. In this story, the good guy doesn’t finish last. This is where he gets the girl he wants, the one he’s in love with. I’m not walking away this time. Not when you’re it for me.”

I sniffled and took a deep breath, searching his face. My feet were on solid ground, yet I felt unsteady. Brian had done this to me, just by being himself. He’d broken down my defenses, made me feel helpless, uncovered, and susceptible to anything.

All I wanted was to be whole, to know I’d be happy and in love, with four children and grandbabies for my mama.

Sarah’s words rang loudly in my head. Once again, my stomach sunk to the floor when thoughts of the commitment I’d made to James tomorrow resurfaced. How did I know this other guy wasn’t it? All I wanted was a chance with James, and now that I had it, I no longer wanted it.

It slipped out before I could bite it back. “I have a date with James tomorrow.”

The hope on his face disintegrated as he clenched his jaw. “Tell me you feel nothing. Right now. Tell me you don’t feel what I feel between us.”

It was a challenge. He knew. He could see it in my eyes, feel it in the way I couldn’t turn away from him.

My mouth went dry, and I looked away. “I don’t have feelings for you.” My voice came out strong. Not just because I wanted him to believe me, but because I wanted to believe me. It would be easier on both of us.

“Bullshit!” he snapped.

I raised my chin and squared my shoulders as the fight rose within me. It was a mechanism I knew so well. It was how I was built and what I did when I didn’t want to face the truth.

“I don’t have feelings for you.” This time, my voice was even firmer. I faked confidence as though I’d been born a liar, my eyes locked on his, not backing down.

A pained expression crossed his face as he stumbled back, like I’d sucker punched him. I watched as hurt seeped out of every wilting part of him, and through the reflection in his eyes, I could see the bitch I truly was, jutting out my chin and stubbornly moving away.

“Don’t do this, Kendy.” The way his voice broke, half commanding me, tore at my insides.

I knew I was hurting him, but this was better for both of us. I clenched my jaw to prevent any emotions from coming to the surface, though a sensation of intense desolation swept over me.

If I didn’t rein this in now, I’d lose. I couldn’t afford to be weak, not in front of him, though inside I was dying.

I swallowed and spoke firmly. “You’re the one who changed the game. This was not how it was supposed to be.”

He reeled back. “Why does everything have to be a game for you?” His voice turned harsh.

“Because it is!” I shouted. My body trembled as I tried to maintain composure. “We agreed. You never told me you wanted anything different.”

“Kendy, things happened. Things changed. For me, at least.” He lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “I thought you felt something.”

“Yeah. Orgasms.” A suffocating sensation tightened around my throat as those words left my mouth. It was mean, but it was all I had left.

He shook his head, shuffling back another step. “No. Something more, something real.” A shudder left his body as he drew in a sharp breath.

I crossed my arms in front of me and stared at him like he was the stupid one, the only one who had felt our co

I held my breath, counting seconds for what seemed like an eternity as he stared at me, hoping I’d take back what I just said, but I was stronger than that. I’ve had eight years of practice to toughen up my skin.

The mask was in place as I fixed my eyes on him. But slowly, my insides crumbled as I witnessed his eyes drop to the ground, all hope in them crushed.

“You’re right. You made the rules, and I decided to play the game. I get it.” His voice turned cold, disco

“Bry,” I whispered.

I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to tell him this was the last thing I’d meant to happen. I wanted to tell him this was as much for him as it was for me, that he didn’t deserve a messed up, broken woman afraid of her own future. My traitorous feet wanted to move toward him, but I knew I shouldn’t. That would’ve brought me back to square one.

His tone was rough as he said, “If you go out with Stiff, I don’t want to see you. Ever. I walk out that door, and it’s going to be forever. You hear me?”

His voice was cold, lashing, as his eyes met mine, not breaking contact. An inkling of hope passed through his eyes, as if he thought I might change my mind in the next two seconds, but as I straightened my stance, not letting any weakness show, that glimmer diminished, his eyes turning hard.