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close my eyes.
Leave me alone! This is all your fault! If you’d only
told me about her maybe would’ve gone looking for her,
maybe
would’ve found her— and then she’d be here
looking for me, not Rosie!
“Holly, talk to me!” Dad begs. “I’m go
out here until—Shit!”
Above the roaring water hear Megan calling him
from downstairs.
close my eyes.
He knocks again. “Holly? Sweetheart, I’ll be just
downstairs when you come out, when you want to talk,
okay?” He sighs. “I love you.”
hear him lean against the door, resting his weight
on it for moment before he walks away.
Figures.
rest my head back on the wall, relieved that he’s
gone, angry at myself for feeling so hurt, so disappointed
that he left. He left me. Just like everyone else. My “buddy,”
my “pal.” My dad.
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The steam fills my head, making everything fuggy
and damp as tear off my clothes and crawl into the stall,
gasping as the hot water strikes my body. close my eyes,
hugging my knees to my chest, enjoying the heat, the
noise, the pain that drown out the outside world, washing
it away.
Who needs Kitty with her perfect hair and
expensive clothes? She couldn’t even be bothered to stick
around after was born. Who needs Trudie either? All she
ever gave me was Huntington’s disease. Who needs dead
father or
dad who lies—who’s not even my real dad!
And who needs
fiancé who can’t even be bothered to
answer his freaking phone?
fiancé who’s always got his
head buried in his books, who’s always studying, always
aspiring to something bigger, something better
Than me
realize. We’re living in different
worlds, taking such different paths.
Especially now …
bite my lip, my tears mingling with the water
streaming over my body.
And who needs children anyway
More trouble
than they’re worth
choke on my sobs, drowning as reach blindly for
the shampoo.
grip something sharp and drop it immediately,
sucking at my stinging thumb. My blood tastes warm in
my mouth. Warm and sweet and strangely comforting.
open my eyes and spot my razor lying foot away.
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Tentatively,
reach for it, the gleaming blades
winking at me in the shimmering light. Gently, run my
thumb across them, watching, mesmerized, as bright fresh
blood seeps from the cuts and is immediately washed
clean by the gushing water, leaving two neat stinging
lines. suck my thumb again, ru
wounds, tasting their sweetness and feeling their pain.
Losing my own.
press the razor into my forearm, feeling the
stinging, pulsing throb of my veins, watching my blood
trickle down my arm, bright and gleaming and scarlet as it
swirls away down the drain with my hurt and my pain, my
arm painting itself more red with each cut—scarlet-
red
rose-red
Rosie
This is all her fault. All of it. If she hadn’t come here
everything would’ve been fine. But oh, no—the blood
gushes faster now—oh, no, she had to come and stir
things up, had to take everything
everyone! Both my
fathers, both my mothers, my brother—and even any
future family
might have had! She’s taken everything,
and what’s she left me with? Nothing!
hold my arm out to the water, the stinging pain
relief as it washes the redness away, cleansing and
purging my wounds. touch them gingerly, ru
fingers across them like I’m reading Braille.
Yes, it’s all Rosie’s fault. Little Miss DNA. She’s taken
everything.
Well, maybe it’s time took something back.
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Rosie
“Don’t forget your scarf.” Kitty grins. “It’s freezing in
Boston!”
head for the stairs and nearly collide with Jack
rushing down.
“Hey,” he says, spotting the open front door.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on Jack,” Kitty says, glancing at
Megan, who disappears into the living room with Ben. “I
just asked Rosie if she’d like to spend the day with me,
that’s all.”
“That’s all?
Jack laughs bitterly. “Kitty, you
abandoned your daughter eighteen years ago, and now
you suddenly turn up here out of the blue, and—what?
You think she’s just going to drop everything and forgive
you?”
Kitty blushes. “It’s not like that.”
“You’re just going to pick up where you left off?”
“No, but—”
“No, damn right you’re not! You really think after
eighteen years—after what happened in New York—
after—”
“She said yes,” Kitty says softly.
He turns to me, stu
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shift uncomfortably.
“Rosie—how can you? After all she’s done, how can
you just …”
“She’s my mother, Jack,”
say helplessly. “That’s
why came here, to find my mother.”
“Yes, and look how she treated you when you did
find her!” Jack protests. “She kicked you out, Rosie, she
abandoned you as baby, she hasn’t wanted to know you
for eighteen years!”
“But now do,” Kitty says desperately. “Now do—
more than anything in the world.”
Jack snorts.
“I know what did was wrong,” she sighs. “I was
seventeen—I was scared senseless.” She bites her lip. “I
know that’s no excuse, but I’m trying to make up for it
now. know nothing ever will, but …” She looks at me,
smiles gently. “If Rosie can find it in her heart to give me
second chance …”
“It wasn’t just Rosie you left,” Jack says quietly.
She stares at him. “Jack …”
His jaw tenses as he stares at the coat-rack.
gaze intently at my feet, my cheeks burning in the
long silence.
“I’m sorry,” Kitty says finally. “Jack,
really am
sorry.”
“Yes, well.” Jack clears his throat, runs his hand
through his hair, looking anywhere but at Kitty.
“Whatever our issues may be, you’re right, Rosie should
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come first. As you said, it’s her decision.” He looks at me
again, sad, tender look. “She’s an adult now.”
feel awful as they both look at me, like I’m caught
in the middle of custody battle.
“Rosie?” Kitty says gently.
look from her to Jack and back again, utterly torn.
Jack’s been so good to me—I don’t want to betray him or
hurt his feelings
but Kitty’s come all this way—and it’s
my only chance to see her for months
“Look, it’s okay,” Kitty sighs. “Jack’s right, it wasn’t
fair of me to just turn up like this. We’ll schedule
something else, some other time, let things cool down …”
“No, wait—”
cry as she turns away. “I want to
come with you.”
She’s the whole reason
came all this way, after
all—I can’t bear for her to walk out that door, not knowing
when I’ll ever see her again.
“If that’s okay,” add anxiously, turning to Jack. “I’ll
be back later?”
“Of course.” He smiles, his eyes tired. “Of course, if
that’s what you want.”
“Thank you, Jack,” Kitty says gently. “For
everything.”
He looks at her for
long moment, his expression
unreadable, then swallows hard.
“Just
look after her,” he says, before turning to
walk away down the corridor.
“Goodbye, Jack,” Kitty whispers as he disappears.