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She sighs quietly. Then she blinks quickly, takes
deep breath and turns to me.
“You ready?” She beams. “Lunch reservations
await!”
rush upstairs for my scarf, then remember Andy.
Shit.
try the bathrooms but they’re both locked, the
sound of ru
“Andy!”
call. “Andy, I’m really sorry, I’ve got to
go—”
“I can’t hear you!” he shouts back. “I’m in the
shower!”
“Andy, open the door! Andy, it’s important! I’ve got
to—”
“Ten minutes!” he shouts back.
Ten minutes? don’t have ten minutes!
Kitty’s car horn beeps outside. swear under my
breath, then run into my room and grab my notebook
from my bag.
Andy scribble quickly.
Kitty’s arrived— one day only. Have gone to Boston
with her. Back tonight. Please forgive me boat trip
tomorrow?
love you
Rosie xxxx
prop the note against my pillow and rush
downstairs.
The door of the limo is waiting open for me—I can’t
believe the size of it! slide onto the smooth leather seat
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feeling light-headed, like I’m in dream. I’m going out for
the day in stretch limo! To Boston!
I’m going out for the day with my mother!
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Holly
The front door slams downstairs and
hold my
breath, listening carefully.
Silence.
creep out of the bathroom and pad silently to the
top of the stairs.
Still nothing.
Slowly, oh-so-carefully, tiptoe to Rosie’s door and
gently push it open.
It’s empty.
Feeling like
fugitive in my own house,
step
cautiously inside and close the door behind me.
My eyes flick quickly around the room, skimming
over the furniture I’ve seen
million times, to Rosie’s
toiletries on the desk, her bag on the bed,
note on her
pillow
bite my lip, my heart deafening in my ears as
cross to the bed. This is wrong, so wrong, but can’t stop
myself.
scowl at the page, her loopy handwriting, her
signature.
Rosie xxxx
Outside, car door slams, making me jump. cross
to the window to see the stretch limo pull smoothly away
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from the curb and disappear down the street, Kitty and
Rosie tucked smugly inside.
My vision blurs and the paper crumples in my fist,
opening my stinging wounds. stuff it in my pocket and
grab Rosie’s bag, new fire raging through my veins as
tear it open, yanking at its contents and strewing them
over the bed. Clothes tumble out, books and hair
clips
there must be something—she must have
something can use against her
pick up
notebook,
leafing swiftly through its pages for anything, anything at
all—and photograph slips out. Eagerly, grab it—
Kitty smiles back at me like
knife through my
heart.
stare at her, her eyes bright and gleaming, and
suddenly scream, tearing at the photograph, ripping it
into long jagged strips, clawing at her perfect face, that
smug smile!
You didn’t want me! tear the photo again, my blood
blazing. You never wanted me— so why now? Why her?!
tear again and again, furiously, fiercely, slashing
and shredding every last trace of her, the pieces scattering
over the bed like ashes.
grab at Rosie’s clothes, eager for more destruction,
more relief—then something small and pink tumbles out
of pocket. pick it up. An address book.
“What are you doing?”
spin around quickly, sliding the book into my back
pocket.
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Andy is standing in the doorway, tucking his shirt
into his jeans.
“What are you doing in here?” he says warily.
“Where’s Rosie?”
“Out,”
tell him defiantly. “She went out. More
bonding time,” add bitterly.
He frowns. “That’s impossible, she—we were …” His
eyes drop to the bed, all her things scattered wildly over
it. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Holly—that’s
Rosie’s stuff!”
“So what?” yell, my remorse melting away as my
anger boils. “So what? This is my house.” gesture around wildly. “This is my stuff She’s taken everything from me—
why shouldn’t have something of hers?” grab Rosie’s
things—clothes, shoes, books—and hurl them around the
room.
“Stop it!” Andy snatches at them. “Holly, stop!” He
catches my arm, and wince. He looks down, then stares
at me, shocked. pull quickly away, yanking my sleeves
down over my weeping cuts and folding my arms.
Andy just stands there, staring at me. His eyes fall
on the shredded picture and he brushes the pieces apart,
recognition in his eyes.
“What?” challenge, his pity scorching my cheeks.
“What? She was mine—she was my mom. Why shouldn’t
I?”
feel his gaze on me like
spotlight burning as
snatch handfuls of the scraps and dump them into the
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trash can. When turn back am surprised that they’re all
gone. look at Andy, his cupped hands full of paper.
wipe at my eyes and sniff. “Well?” demand.
To my surprise he moves slowly toward the trash
can and drops the paper in. Then he takes something from
his own bag.
cigarette lighter.
look at him, startled. He smiles and raises his
eyebrows.
“Ever thought about cremation?”
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Rosie
With
flick of her wrist, Kitty lights her cigarette,
the flame dancing for
second before vanishing as she
drops the lighter back into her clutch bag. She closes her
eyes, sighing blissfully as she exhales, and watch the thin
plume of smoke curl like ribbon toward the ceiling of the
car, thinking of Trudie and her cigarette holder.
“God, I’m sorry!” Kitty cries stubbing it out quickly.
“I’ve been trying to quit, but there are moments when I’m
stressed—or nervous …”
“It’s fine, really,” protest.
“No,” she says, flicking the cigarette out the
window. “It’s disgusting habit, I’ve been meaning to quit
for years.”
“Really, it’s not like I’ve never
tried it once,”
say clumsily, my cheeks growing hot.
“Did you?” she asks, her green eyes wide. “Tell me.”
shrug. “There’s nothing to tell, really.”
“Please,” she says, her fingers soft and cool on my
knee, her eyes insistent. “There’s so much don’t know, so
much I’ve missed.”
stare at my lap, my cheeks on fire. “It was just at
school.” shrug. “Some of the girls were passing it round
and
you know …”
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“You didn’t like it?” she asks.
screw up my nose. “It tasted of
ashtrays and bad
breath.”
She laughs,
tinkling sound, and beams at me.
“Very smart. can see you didn’t get your brains from me.
I’d rather have got lung cancer than be thought uncool.”
She smiles, but inside I’m back in high school gazing
at the popular kids, feeling geeky and awkward. Kitty’s
assistant, Janine, catches my eye and looks quickly away,
hugging the large bag on her lap.
“What about guys?” Kitty’s eyes gleam. “Look at
you—you’re gorgeous.
bet you’ve had guys falling for
you left, right and center, right?”