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I liked the sound of that.
I didn’t want Ellie to get into trouble but I didn’t want them being mean to me either.
I said okay. And Mom smiled. She said she’d handle it.
Mom was yelling at me to get up. She was shaking me and I hit her to make her stop.
“Fly
I opened my eyes and my room was full of smoke. I started coughing and my eyes stung. It smelled bad. Like when Mom would burn the pot roast.
“Hurry up, Fly
I didn’t like her shaking me but I was scared. The house was on fire. The smoke was bad. I couldn’t breathe.
I coughed and coughed and coughed.
Mom pushed open my door and the smoke was worse in the hallway.
I started crying.
“Where’s Marty?” I yelled but Mom kept telling me to go down the stairs and get outside.
Where was my dog? Where was Marty?
I cried harder and yelled at Mom to find Marty.
She was crying too. We ran out of the house. I couldn’t breathe. My eyes burned. Mom hugged me and I let her.
“Mom, go get Marty!” I yelled but she kept saying she couldn’t.
The firemen came and started spraying stuff at my house. I yelled at them to get my dog. I was getting really angry that no one was listening to me.
“Where’s my dog?” I screamed and Mom tried to hug me again. I pushed her and she fell.
One of the firemen tried to pull me back and I tried to hit him.
“You need to calm down, young man. And don’t hit your mother,” he said. He was scary with his helmet on.
“He has Asperger’s. He doesn’t understand what he’s doing,” my mom said to the firefighter. He looked at me. I didn’t want him to look at me.
I knew what I was doing. I was mad. I wanted to hit them for not getting my dog.
Mom was crying, telling me it would be okay.
I just wanted my dog.
Someone told Mom that it looked like the fire had been set on purpose. Mom started crying harder.
No one ever got my dog.
Mom said he had gone to heaven with my dad. That they’d play together now.
I didn’t want my dad to have Marty in heaven! I wanted him here!
I yelled and got angry but I didn’t hit her. I didn’t want the fireman to yell at me again.
Marty was dead.
My house had been burned down.
I cried all night until Mom took me to a hotel.
-Ellie-
We weren’t touching anymore. But I could still feel the heat of Fly
I shivered and pulled the blanket up around my shoulders. Murphy’s light snores echoed in tune with Fly
My mind and heart were reeling and I couldn’t sleep. Making love to Fly
“Did you like it?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip. I had pulled the sheet up to cover my naked breasts and Fly
“Of course I did. Did you?” I asked him, feeling suddenly insecure. Oh god, what if it sucked? What if I sucked? And I knew, without a doubt, that Fly
Fly
We hadn’t had sex again but there was lots more kissing and touching. Fly
“Don’t do this with anyone else. Ever,” he said as he kissed the mole on my hipbone. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked down at the top of his head. His breath was warm on my skin and I felt the wet slide of his tongue.
“What do you mean?” I asked huskily, already losing myself to him again.
Fly
“You don’t want me with anyone else?” I asked, gri
Fly
I almost choked.
Fly
Fly
“Then will you come with me if I go away to school?” I asked gently, wanting to smack myself for bringing up such a contentious subject when we were both feeling languid and peaceful.
But Fly
His refusal to answer me bugged me but I tried to ignore it. We had resumed our touching and kissing and loving each other. And I pushed aside the nagging voice in my head that warned this would all disappear.
Afterwards Fly
Fly
That simple yet profound statement bounced around in my overly crowded head.
The realization that my feelings were reciprocated filled me with such a bright, shiny happiness that it blinded me.
But there was a darkness that hovered at the edges of my joy and the more I tried to pretend it wasn’t there, the larger it grew. Until it had eclipsed the sun of Fly
Because there it was. My old friend…guilt and shame.
Fly
I felt sick and my head ached.
I had to tell him.
I couldn’t let another day pass without him knowing.
He deserved to know who it was he was giving his heart to.
I lay there in bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to Fly
Selfish coward party of one!
Fly
“Why are you still awake?” he asked, his voice rough from sleep.
“I’m not tired,” I lied. Because I was exhausted. It felt it deep in my bones. But it wasn’t a tiredness rest could cure.
Fly
The truth was sitting dangerously on the tip of my tongue, demanding that I let it out. Before I let this go any further, I had to come clean.
I couldn’t let him continue to love a person he didn’t really know.
“I need to tell you something,” I said.
Fly
I took a deep breath and rolled onto my side to face him. The only light came from the street lamp outside the hotel. It filtered into our room, illuminating the bed. I folded my hand beneath my face, mirroring his position. We weren’t touching and as much as I wanted to reach out for him, I couldn’t.