She's So Dead to Us

Sha

“Oh, wait. I know where we’re going,” I said, feeling triumphant at having figured Sha

“How does that make any sense?” Sha

“I guess it doesn’t,” I replied. But how did any of this make sense? Who would make sense as the recipient of my mom’s ugly-ass lawn jockey?

She slammed on the brakes at the stoplight at the bottom of the hill. An Orchard Hill police cruiser rolled past us, and I held my breath. The cop glanced up at Sha

“You’re really not going to tell us where—”

The words died in my mouth as Sha

“Welcome to the OVC, baby!” Trevor cackled.

“Sha

She squinted at the quaint street signs and made a sudden right, so late that she almost ran over the opposite curb. “It’s perfect. Mrs. Ryan bought this thing at an antiques auction for, like, a zillion dollars when we were in fourth grade. It was, like, her pride and joy. We’re just returning it to its rightful owner.”

No, you’re not. You’re taunting Ally. Reminding her that she no longer lives in the house she grew up in. That she no longer belongs. “I don’t know about this.”

“It’s just a prank,” Sha

“No.” I stared straight ahead. “It’s just . . . isn’t this kind of, I don’t know, childish?”

“God. Lighten up,” Sha

Sha

“Are you marys go

I looked back at Hammond again. Neither of us moved. I was surprised. This was the kind of jackassery he was normally totally up for. But then, so was I. And I hadn’t moved yet either.

“You can’t back out on us,” Sha

“Shit,” Hammond said under his breath. He shoved his door open and got out. “Jake. Let’s go.”

I swallowed hard. I should just get out of the car and help them. If I didn’t, I’d never hear the end of it.

“What’s your problem?” Sha

The half-wits behind the car started to try to remove the ten-ton statue themselves. There was a bang and a tumble, and Todd let out a string of curses worthy of a New York cab driver stuck in traffic at the Puerto Rican Day Parade. Chloe shushed them and giggled. A flash popped.

I glanced up at the windows on the row of identical condos, wondering which was Ally’s. If she looked out right now, she would see this. All of us out here being juvenile delinquent losers.

“Jake? Hello? What’s the problem? You don’t even know the girl,” Sha

Sometimes every word out of Sha

“No,” I said.

“Then let’s go already!” She yanked open my door and watched me expectantly.

Sha

“All right, all right,” I said. “Let’s do this.”

It took about thirty seconds of grunting and sweaty-handed shifting to deposit the lawn jockey on the small square of cement outside Ally’s front door. Right in front of the obviously new and obviously cheap welcome mat, which was decorated with happy strands of sunflowers. Next to it were two small pumpkins waiting to be carved. I felt like I was going to hurl.

“Remember how Ally’s dad used to have a whole truckload of pumpkins delivered to their house?” Chloe whispered. She was looking down at the pumpkins too, the camera hanging from a string around her wrist. She glanced at Sha

Sha

“Pumpkin gut fight!” Trevor and Todd shouted way too loudly.

“Dudes! Shut it!” Hammond whispered, which made them double over laughing.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Chloe asked.

Finally Do-the-Right-Thing Appleby had arrived.

“Chloe! Come on!” Sha

“I just said I bet her mom misses the lawn jockey,” Chloe said, wide-eyed. “I didn’t mean we should bring it over here! I mean, look how sad it looks.”

We all stared down at the lawn jockey. It was so massive it took up almost the entire step. Suddenly a light flicked on overhead.

“Shit!” the Idiot Twins whispered in unison, and ran.

Chloe was right on their heels, carefully but quickly picking her way down the steps. Hammond, Sha

“Let’s get out of here,” I hissed, my heart in my throat.

“Wait. There’s one more thing,” Sha

“Dammit!”

Sha

I looked back to find Ally Ryan’s stricken face staring after me.

ally

“Hey, guys! Thank you so much for coming!” A

I glanced around the baseball field, which had been completely taken over by the Fall Festival. For the past two weeks—ever since that first “glitter Sunday”—David and I had spent a lot of our free time helping her with publicity and pla