That Wedding

The closer we get, the more I sweat. I don't know if I can do this.

I hate hospitals. I really do. Only bad things happen in hospitals. I haven't been in a hospital since that night, except for when I had strep throat really bad.

I've never visited anyone in the hospital because people die in hospitals.

But then I think about Da

Just like I needed Phillip that night.

We get their room number from the information desk and ride up the elevator.

As we walk down the fourth floor corridor, I'm bracing myself for the worst. For Da

I get super hot.

And then feel lightheaded. Like I'm go

I stop, lean up against the wall, and close my eyes. Take a deep breath.

Phillip realizes I'm not walking next to him anymore and turns around to look for me.

He walks back toward me. "What are you doing? We need to hurry."

"I have to get out of here, Phillip. I can't do this. I think I'm go

He wraps me in a one armed hug and pulls me close, exactly the way he did when he walked off the elevator that night.

My mind flashes back again.

How he was mad at me.

How we'd fought.

How I was so afraid he'd hate me forever.

How I couldn't believe my mom was dead.

How dad had stopped breathing.

How the alarms had gone off.

How they rushed me out of the room and didn't tell me anything.

My own breathing is ragged. I need to get out of here.

Now.

Phillip touches my face and says, "Princess, it's go

"You can't promise that, Phillip. You don't know." I start to cry.

I CANNOT DO THIS.

"Da

He's right. If it's bad, he's going to need me, and I love Da

Shit.

Phillip holds my hand and leads me down the hall in the same way he led me through most of their funeral.

Tears are rolling down my face.

I've been able to hold my tears back since my parents died, but I can't seem to push them back right now.

We get outside of room 416. Lori's room.

I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Should we just stand out here?

Phillip knocks gently on the door.

Da

"Look at this, Mac!" he says as he excitedly shoves an ultrasound photo in front of Phillip's face.

When I see Lori alive and laying in the hospital bed, I let out a cry of relief. She looks scared, but there's a smile on her face. I rush to her side. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine. The baby's fine. I was bleeding this morning, and it was enough that the doctor sent us straight here. I was sure I was having a miscarriage. I think I panicked everyone for nothing. Everything is okay now, and the bleeding has stopped."

I let out a huge cleansing breath of air, bend down, and hug her tightly. "I was so worried."

She says, "Stop crying. You're making me cry." She wipes her tears then shakes her head at me. "I really didn't think you'd come. Here. To the hospital. I thought you'd make up some excuse."

"I don't have the best of luck with hospitals, Lori, so I try to avoid them."

"Babies are born in hospitals. They're good things."

"That's true, I guess. I was really worried." I give her another big hug. "I love you."

Da

I see a very teeny baby. I'm amazed at how small it is but how much it looks like a baby. Like I guess I thought it would still sorta look like a squid or something. I look closer because I'm dying to know if it's a boy or a girl.

"Da

"I know! We don't wa

"Lots more kids?" Lori says. "Um, let's see if I can do one right. Then we can talk about more."

Da

Phillip studies the photo closely. "Sleeping?"

"No, look at this. Look at its arm. Doesn't it look like he's throwing a pass?"

Phillip grins. "Yeah, sorta. Must be a boy then, huh?"

"Hey, girls can throw passes!" I say.

"Whatever," Da

"That's my guess too," Lori says.

I look at the ultrasound closer. It looks to me like the baby is either sleeping with its arm up in the air or throwing its arm up in a cheer, but I decide not to mention that. "So everything's okay then? Like why were you bleeding? I thought all bleeding was bad."

"Not always," Lori says. Then she glances at Da

"What?" I say.

Lori rolls her eyes and hands me a book on things to expect when you're pregnant. I read the passage that she's highlighted.

During pregnancy, it's not unusual to bleed after sex. Your cervix is tender and sensitive. If this happens to you, you shouldn't have intercourse again until you've seen your doctor. Having normal intercourse won't cause you to have a miscarriage.

I read it once and then read it again. "I don't get it. What's that got to do with, ohhhhhh, so you had sex, and IT caused the bleeding?"

Lori laughs self consciously and nods her head.

Da

I laugh and look back down at the book. "You're right. It doesn't mention that. Oh, wait. It does. It's scribbled here in the margin. A little disclaimer. Da