Four Summers

“Heads up!” Nate yells. The football that Brandon brings every year comes flying at me and I catch it before tossing it into the truck. I think I hear Danielle say, “swoon” before walking back to everyone.

“I’m totally going to kiss you right now. Watching you play football gets me hot.” Nate says into my neck and I can’t help but laugh. He feels good. No, incredible, like he always does.

It’s 8:30 when we get back to The Village. Alec’s mom had been the one to tell Dad they could handle things for a while if we went to play football and now she’s sitting on the back deck with him and Alec’s dad.

“I should probably go over there,” I tell Nate, who gives me a nod.

“I should probably check in with my parents and see what’s going on.”

We nod like we both aren’t sure how to act. It’s one thing to show affection in front of our friends, but Dad is a whole different story. Nate works for him. They’re renting a cabin from him. I don’t think Dad would make them leave, but what if he did?

“See you tonight, Star Girl.” Nate winks before jogging over and playfully shoving his brother. They screw around back and forth while they’re walking to their cabin. I can’t stop myself from watching them until the door closes.

“Can we talk?” Alec asks and I jump, unable to believe I forget he was standing so close.

“Sure.” I shrug.

“We’re going to go for a walk!” he calls to our parents, who just nod and smile without a second thought.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” is the first thing out of Alec’s mouth when we hit the beach. He automatically walks the opposite direction as I go with Nathaniel and as ridiculous as it is, I’m glad.

“Nothing’s changed. You can’t tell me you didn’t know something was going on. Seeing it doesn’t—”

“Seeing it does make it more real and you know it, Charlie Rae. If you didn’t really care about him, we either would have been seeing it all along, or we never would have at all. Don’t pretend like I don’t know you.”

My eyes close for a second before, resigned, I force them to open again. “Of course you know me. We’ve been friends our whole lives. So…maybe you should trust me.”

Alec stops walking. “What is that supposed to mean? You know I trust you.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. I don’t trust him not to hurt you. I mean…what do you think will happen? Or what are you pla

I never did! Not like you. Not like Dad. Not that I have a choice. Those sentences scream in my brain but I don’t let any of them out. I trap them there because all they will do is cause pain.

“Nothing’s changed, Alec. I know that. I would never leave Dad. You know me better than that. Nate and I both know whatever is going on will be over with the summer.”

Understanding, which I didn’t expect, sparks in his eyes. “I know… I hear ya. You know I love you, right? I would do anything for you. I just…don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know.” There has never been a doubt in my mind about that. Alec has always tried to take care of me. We’ve looked after and been there for each other. Even when we fight, I know it won’t last long, because we just don’t work that way.

Alec was the first person I ever told how I felt about my sister. The first person to get it, and tell me that I mattered. He beat up boys who called me names, and taught me how to climb trees and play ball. We will always be a part of each other’s lives.

“I’ll be okay, Alec. Just trust me. I can’t get hurt when I know what I’m getting into.”

But really, I have no idea.

“Have you made any plans for college?” I ask Nate as we lay on the blanket, the water not far from us. Rolling over to look at him, I wince, a little pain stabbing into my back.

“Your back still hurt?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t that bad after Matt’s hit, but then I think I lifted wrong today.”

He frowns, but then his demeanor changes when he says, “Take off your shirt.”

“Excuse me?” That totally came out of nowhere. Yes, I went ski

“I’ll massage your back,” he tells me.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Believe me. I’m doing it for totally selfish reasons. I’ll take mine off, too, if you want.”

I roll my eyes. “You have your shirt off half the time anyway.” He goes shirtless a whole lot more this year than he did last. I like it. But before he has the chance to do anything, I hold my breath and pull my shirt over my head. Nate’s eyes go wide and I try to remind myself that I have a bra on this time.

“They’re bigger,” I blurt out and then almost die. Covering my face with my hands I say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe I just said that.”

“I can’t believe you think I didn’t notice.” Nate laughs before pulling my hands away. “We’re going to be in some serious trouble here if you don’t lay on your stomach.”

“Boys.” Playfully, I roll my eyes before lying down. Nate straddles my butt and I’m really hoping it doesn’t feel too cushiony.

“Can I undo this?” His fingers touch my back, under the strap.

The first time I try to speak, nothing comes out. The second time I manage to squeak out a, “Yes.”

He does, and then his hands start kneading the tender muscles in my shoulders…down, down to my lower back before he goes up again.

“So…college. Do we really want to talk about that?”

Is it just me or does his voice sound a little rougher than it did a minute ago?

“Why not? It’s an important part of your life.”

“Yours, too. Don’t make it sound like that. Just because you might go to community college locally doesn’t mean you’re not going to school.”

I nod because he’s right.

Nate continues, “I haven’t made specific plans. I still have my whole senior year. But there are a couple places I’m considering. You know I wa

“Of course I know. You told me that your first summer here. I’m not surprised you didn’t change your mind—”

“—You remember that?” he cuts me off.

I wonder if it makes me sound pathetic to be honest, but I do it anyway. “I remember everything.”

“Shit…” Nate curses, making me wonder what’s wrong. “Will you roll over?” he asks, pushing up onto his knees so there is more room. There’s only about two seconds of hesitation before I do as asked.

My bra still covers me, but it’s looser being unstrapped. I expect his eyes to drift down to my boobs, but they don’t. “UCLA. It’s my top choice.”

California. The place he knows I want to go. My heart starts going crazy because I don’t know what that means. If it means anything. Maybe he’s always wanted to go to California. Hell, maybe he has family there. But maybe…maybe he’s saying he wants to go because I do.

“Nate—” His finger against my lips quiets me.

“Shh…Just wanted you to know.” Then the look in his eyes switches and he does what I thought he would do a few minutes ago. His gaze lands on my chest. When our eyes meet again, I see the silent question there. I nod my head and with slow hands, he slides my bra off each arm before tossing it aside.

“Still perfect.”

My heart does all sorts of somersaults and back handsprings that he remembers exactly what he told me last year. And then he starts kissing me. His mouth exploring more than just my lips. I arch toward him and fist my hand in his hair.

I love you, I want to tell him, but something deep inside me thinks he might already know.