Four Summers

He didn’t have to tell me. It’s not my business.

“We need to hurry. I want to get back to Brandon!” My sister winks at the girls. They’re all giddy and giggling and my chest hurts so bad I feel like I can’t breathe. They've just reached into my chest and wrapped a fist around my lungs, my heart, and they’re squeezing the life out of me.

My brain keeps trying to tell me nothing has changed. I always knew Nathaniel would never be mine. He’ll leave in a few weeks and then probably be out of my life forever. My heart doesn’t get it, though.

Just a couple of hours ago, I knew I would remember this night forever. Now I know I’ll remember it for all the wrong reasons.

I’m quiet through the second movie. Quiet still as we pack up. Quiet the whole drive home. When we get back to The Village, Nathaniel whispers in my ear, “What time do you want to meet tonight?”

I know right here what I have to do. I want nothing more than to keep having my nights with him, but I know I can’t. If I don’t look out for myself, no one else will. To protect my heart, I look at him. Study his eyes, his dimple, wish I could pull his necklace out from under his shirt to see what it is. I don’t do any of that. Instead I tell him, “I can’t come out tonight. I can’t meet you anymore.”

He doesn’t stop me when I walk away.

The next day Dad tells me to clean the cabin the old couple was in—that they left. I remember them sitting on the porch together that night, and all the other times I’ve seen them just enjoying each other for the past month. Loving each other.

I don’t know why, but I cry the whole time I clean their cabin.

I miss the night. Miss the stars. Miss talking to Nathaniel.

For the past couple weeks I’ve done a good job ignoring him. I help Dad as much as I can, even when he doesn’t ask me to. Alec is off with Brandon when Sadie isn’t and he doesn’t try to get me to come. I’m surprised he hasn’t pushed me, asked what’s going on, but he’s too busy playing ball and trying to impress the summer boys to care about much else.

It hurts more than I’m willing to admit.

Nathaniel’s tries to talk to me a few times and I always reply. I’m nice and professional just like Dad expects us to be to our guests, but that’s as far as it goes. I wonder if he misses me the way I miss him, but then I try to push those thoughts away. They won’t do me any good.

A week left. That’s all I have until they’re gone and I can work on forgetting I ever knew them. Sadie will forget Brandon and date someone from our school and Alec will be my best friend again and things will be as though the Chase boys never happened.

I’m sitting on one of the docks with my feet in the water. It’s dusk. I love this time of day because it’s the bridge from day to night. Day where I work at The Village and know that’s all my life will ever be and night where I think I can be anywhere else in the world.

Footsteps sound from behind me and I flinch, wondering who it’s going to be.

“Night games tonight.” Alec sits next to me, a huge smile on his face. “Last man standing. Everyone’s coming down. It’s going to be awesome.”

We’ve always played a lot of night games in the summer, but haven’t done it much this year. It’s normally one of my favorite things. We have the area marked off from part of an empty field, not too far from The Village and going into a certain area in the woods. There are forts out there from when we were younger, along with an old house with tons of places to get lost in.

I love Last Man Standing.

Alec and I always own it. There are two main groups, but we usually break up in two man teams on each group. We’re always on the same team and we almost always win. We play with paint ball guns, in full gear.

The moon is pretty bright out here, but each group is still allowed a flashlight. Dad has portable lights they we set up in a few spots, too. It doesn’t give us too much light, but enough. It’s a cutthroat game. Someone almost always gets hurt.

For the first time since the drive-in, excitement burns through me. I want to play. I want to win.

“Sadie and a few of the other girls aren’t playing. They’re setting up the flag. You got your paint gear? Some of the others are lending theirs to Brandon and Nathaniel.”

All the happiness deflates from my muscles. How could I have forgotten Nathaniel would be here? Of course he would want to play. “I don’t feel like playing.”

“What? You never skip out on Last Man Standing, Gates. What’s up with that?”

“Umm… You never call me ‘Gates.’ What’s up with that?”

Alec grabs my hand when I try to stand up, but I pull it away. He gets up right behind me. “I’ve been a jerk, Charlie. I’m sorry. It’s just…he’s cool. You know he’ll probably play college ball?”

“So?” I shout. “You could play, too. I know it. Don’t stick around here and you’ll be out there doing the same thing!”

Alec moves in front of me, blocking my way. “It’s not that easy and you know it. Our lives are here. Plus, I don’t want to leave. I wasn’t saying that. It’s just…”

He doesn’t continue so I ask, “What?”

“Never mind. You wouldn’t get it. Just play with us, Charlie. It won’t be the same without you out there. You know it. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever played it without you.”

Alec gives me the sweet smile that’s impossible to say no to. He has this i

No matter what, I love him and I do want to play this game of Last Man Standing with my best friend. I can do this. I’m not a ru