Four Summers

“Everyone knew I would!”

But he didn’t. He always does, but this time Alec didn’t pick me.

“Then I guess you should have picked her first.” Nathaniel nods his head, like he’s calling me over, and I walk right over and stand next to him. My feelings are hurt that Alec didn’t pick me first and my heart is soaring that Nathaniel did, but I’m also trying to ground the freaking flight because I am not supposed to be feeling this way about him.

“Charlie?” Alec says and there’s a little bit of shock and regret in his voice, but I feel the same thing. It’s just a game and he didn’t pick me.

“It’s cool. We got this,” Brandon tells him. I glance at Alec and he looks at me, something strange in his eyes that I don’t understand. There's never been a time I couldn't understand Alec, but right now I don’t.

And then, we break eye contact. He looks at the group of people and picks someone else. Nathaniel asks me who he should pick and I tell him who the best is. Back and forth we trade picks until everyone is in a group, and we have our two man teams decided. The goal is for one team to work together to try and take out the other, then it goes all Lord of the Flies and we go after each other.

Once there are only two, two-man teams left, we go for the conch with the flag. Whichever group gets it, wins.

Nathaniel looks at me, competitiveness that matches my own glimmering in his eyes. We’re going to win. There’s no question about it.

All hell has broken loose. This is unlike any game of Last Man Standing we’ve ever played. People are brutal and it’s getting darker and darker but we still don’t have a wi

The flag is in the middle of the field, waiting for us, as Nathaniel and I hide behind one of the forts on one side of the field. We have no idea where Brandon and Alec are.

“How good a shot is your brother?” I ask. Everything else is put behind us out here. It’s like life or death and even though I can tell he wants to ask me why I’ve been ignoring him and I have the urge to either run and hide or just grab him and steal my very first kiss, he doesn’t ask and I try to ignore my instincts.

Out here, the only instinct I can let grab me is the one telling me to win.

“He’s all right. Not horrible but not great.”

“You better than him?”

“Absolutely. What about Alec?”

I shake my head. “Not better or worse, either. We’re pretty evenly matched, but he’s good. Really good.”

“So that’s your way of saying you’re good?” Nathaniel smiles.

I shrug. “I guess.” We pause for a few minutes and then I ask, “What’s the plan?”

Just then, Nathaniel grabs my arm. My first thought is they snuck up on us, but he points to the sky and I see the tail end of a shooting star. I love shooting stars.

I can’t help but smile. He saw one and knew I would like it.

“I think that’s our sign. I say we go for it. They’re probably sitting somewhere waiting to snipe us, but let’s let them be the passive ones who sit back and wait. We’ll run out there, get it, and win.”

“It’s a risk.”

“Not if you run fast,” he laughs.

He’s right. We can sit here forever waiting for them to find us or we can go out there and take our win. I’m determined to grab it with both hands and own it. But we can’t let them shoot us either. If we do, it doesn’t matter if we get the flag or not.

“Let’s do it.”

Nathaniel grabs my hand. “Run like hell. Don’t look back. Leave your gun—”

“What? I can’t leave my gun. How will I shoot them?”

“You won’t need to. I’ll have your back. I’ll be right there and I’ll take out anyone who gets you in their sights. You get the flag and we got this, Charlotte.”

This is not usually how Alec and I do it, but I will be able to run faster without my gun. And…maybe it’s not something I should be thinking, but it feels good to think of him having my back.

“Let’s do it.”

He squeezes my hand tighter. I forgot he even had it. “If we win, you have to meet me tonight.”

My brain tells me to say no, but my heart is beating to say yes. The word is pumping through every part of me. There’s no other option. “Okay.”

Nathaniel smiles and I think it might be the best smile in the whole wide world. I bet his girlfriend loves that smile, too.

“Ready?” he asks. “On the count of three.”

I set my paintball gun down.

“One,” he says. Pauses. “You can do this. Run fast. I’ll be right behind you.”

I nod again. Who knows if he can see me but once we step into that field, everyone will be able to. The lights are that bright.

“Two.”

Another pause.

“Three.”

As soon as the word leaves his mouth, I run. Run with everything I have. My chest hurts. My legs hurt. Nathaniel is right behind me.

“Keep going. Shooting on your right,” he yells. I hear the pop, pop, pop of his paintball gun. I keep ru

I sit in the dark, waiting for it to be time to meet Nathaniel. It’s like there’s electricity inside me. A live wire that’s flipping all around because I’m anxious to have another of our nights together and because it seemed so important to him that I meet him. I know it makes me sound bratty, but when he didn’t push for it sooner, it made me feel like it didn’t matter. I think maybe I wanted him to…maybe not fight for me to meet, but to pull for it. To show me he wanted it and he did and that means more to me than the knowledge that this will make it hurt more when he leaves. He’s here now and I don’t have anything else I look forward to.

I’m taking this.

Quietly, I push my widow open and crawl out. The “pillow me” is under the blankets. Not like anyone will check on me, anyway. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I hear Mom’s voice surfing on the wind as it drifts from her and Dad’s partially open window.

“I’m so tired of this place! I tried to make it work, but I don’t want this life, Richard!”

“We’ve been okay,” Dad replies. “Things have been better. We’ll close for a week or so and take a trip this fall. Get out of here for a while. This is our life, Tabitha.”

“A life only you want! You and Charlie Rae love it here. This place fits you. I just…I want to take Sadie and go. You can go, too. We can sell and—”

“No! I’m not selling. This is our past and our future. How can you just want to throw it away? And what about Charlie? You’re going to leave her?”

“She can go if she wants.”

I grab my chest. Fight to breathe. Tears fill my eyes and I turn to run. I stumble and fall, but get right back up again. They’re leaving? She wants to take Sadie and leave? Leave me? I stop when hope fizzles in my veins. I could get out of here. How could I want to leave Dad? I don’t. I love him. And it’s not that she really cares if I go or not.

Her words hit me again and I dry heave. I fall to the ground again and cry. They’re going to leave and I’ll be stuck here. Then the guilt mixes in, making me nauseous. Is here really that bad? I don’t like it, but I would never just bail.

“Charlotte?” Nathaniel’s voice comes from behind me. “What’s wrong?”

I scramble to my feet, embarrassed that I’m on the ground crying. All I can think about is the fact that they’ll get out of The Village to find a new life, and then I hate myself for wishing for the same thing.