Freeing Carter

Her words find something inside me that I didn't know was there. "Thanks, Mrs. Z. I'm working on it."

"You'll get there. I have no doubt about it."

Not go

She hooks her arm through mine as we start walking to art. "Nope. You're all grown up now. You can handle it yourself."

"Aww, thanks, Mom. Shit...forget I called you that because then I couldn't do this." I stop walking, hook my fingers in her belt loops and pull her toward me until there's no space between us and I'm leaning against the locker. My hands then find their home on her hips as I let my mouth skim over hers. I kiss the side of her mouth, the other side and then part her lips with my tongue. Kira's arms wrap around my neck, her hands thread through my hair. She tugs a little making it sting in a good way.

All too soon the bells ringing and the kiss is over. We're obviously late, but I don't think either of us cares.

Ruffling my hair again, Kira says, "I love it when your hair looks all messy like you just rolled out of bed."

This time, I don't let myself think about what could go wrong because maybe this time, it won't. Maybe everything is finally getting better. Actually, it couldn't get any better. Maybe now it's just staying there.

***

The second I walk into the house, I know something is wrong. The scent I hate doesn't cling to the air. Nothing looks different, but I somehow know. My feet feel heavy as I force them to move forward. "Mom?" I call as I walk through the house.

Barney is playing in the family room, so I know Sara is here and fine, but my heart is still ru

"Mom?"

I hear a sniffling sound before Mom says, "In here, Carter."

As I round the corner into the living room and see her eyes red, everything inside me shifts. The fear and worry for her, for her drinking, is still there, but anger, too. Anger for who or whatever hurt her. "What's wrong?" My voice isn't quite as calm as I try for.

" It's your grandpa." With shaky hands, she wipes her eyes. "I don't know why I expect him to change. Why I keep thinking things will get better with him."

Probably for the same reason I believe things will get better with you... My thoughts a

"He's a jerk. I hate him. What did he do to you?" I'm pacing the room, knowing I should sit next to her, knowing I should be comforting her, but I can't.

Mom sighs. "Don't say you hate him. No matter what he's still your grandfather."

My head whips around to face her. "What? He verbally abused you for your whole life. He pretty much pretends Sara doesn't exist. Call me crazy, but I don't consider that any kind of grandpa I want. You shouldn't either. You should just walk away from him."

But I know she can't, just the way I could never walk away from her. Not like they're the same, because they're not.

She holds up her hand. "Please. I can't fight about him right now. I have too much to figure out. They've given me a week to find him a new place to live, which will take money and time, both of which I don't have a lot of. And I can't..." She shakes her head. When she speaks again, her voice is softer. "He's my dad, but I can't do it again. I can't live with him. I can't bring him here. Not after being free of him for all these years."

It's guilt's turn to take over as my primary emotion. "What do you need? We can take the money out of my savings."

Shaking her head, she stands up. "Absolutely not. He doesn't get your money. It'll just have to be taken out of money I had saved for us. I just...I feel like I live my own life. I never had that growing up and it scares me to consider living with him again, even if it is only short term. It would help if he could live on his own, or would sell the house." Mom stops talking and then waves her hand. "Never mind." She wipes the remaining wetness from her eyes. "You shouldn't have to hear this or deal with it. I'll take care of it. I'm sure we can find him a place to live."

Hopefully. I'm not so sure. What if they talk to his current home? Who's going to want to deal with a violent, mean old man? But for her, I smile, even though I want to tell her she shouldn't have to do anything. That he didn't take care of her, so he should have to take care of himself.

"How did I get so lucky?" Mom walks over to me and cups my cheek with her hand. "How did I get the best son in the world? I'm so lucky to have you, Carter. I want you to know I know that." Her eyes start to pool again.

"Mom, don't. I mean, I'm good, but I'm not that good," I try to play it off.

"Yes you are. And I want you to know." She pulls her hand back and stands up straight, taking a few breaths like she's trying to prepare herself for something. "I want you to know, I'm okay. I'll be okay. After...after the last time, getting so sick? Hurting and scaring you. That's not okay. None of it. You and Sara are the most important things to me in the whole world and I will never do anything to hurt you again."

The tears are rolling down her face now, her words struggling to come out. My eyes start to feel wet too.

"I'm done, Carter. It's not my crutch anymore. This time, I swear it won't happen again."

Mom pulls me into a hug and I fight crying as hard as she is. Hate that even though she's so sad, I'm happy. How can I be anything but happy when this time, for real, I know things will be okay. That she's done. That I won't ever have to worry about alcohol trying to take her over again.

***

Mom and I both play it off like nothing is wrong when Sara comes in, asking for something to eat. Mom heads to the kitchen to make her a snack.

"I have to go pick Kira up and take her home," I tell her. "Will you be okay?"

Mom smiles and it looks so real. Maybe she's just as good at hiding as I've always been. "Of course. Sara and I will have some popcorn and hang out. Tell Kira hi for us, okay?"

"Okay." I start to walk out, but then turn walk over and give Mom a hug first, hoping it shows her I'm sorry and that I believe in her. "Catch ya later, Twig." I tell Sara and then make my way out.

Kira's closing up the store when I get there. She's wearing jeans again. She's been wearing them more often, but she's topped it off with a tie-dyed sweatshirt that looks like something I've seen in movies that take place in the 60's.

While she finishes counting down the drawer, I make sure all the lights are off in the display cases. "Ready?" I ask as I walk up to her.

"Nope." Then, leaning forward, she gives me a quick kiss. "Now I am, Coach."

I thread my fingers through hers, wanting to feel her close to me. We have to let go for her to lock the door, but then we're attached again until I'm driving and she's sitting in the passenger side.

"I'm thinking about adding some red in my hair. What do you think?" Kira rolls her window down a bit. I've noticed that about her. That even if it's not hot, she seems to like the fresh air.

"I think it will look cool. I like your hair natural, too, though."