Measuring Up

The difference here is, with Tegan, I had that second of wanting it to be true. A girl’s allowed a second of insanity, right? And to make sure it doesn’t become

more than that second, I skip my next gym day and the one after that. I spend those hours being angry at myself. Can you say self-sabotaging behavior? I can, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it. Over and over again until it’s been a week since my last day at the gym and I’ve totally blown my eating plan. All that hard work is wasted. Sometimes I eat because I’m stressed. So sue me.

The chance to show Billy I’m not the girl he can torture anymore. To show Mom I can be what she wants. I’m blowing it all because of Tegan. All of it down the

drain. I’ve never been as pissed at myself as I am now.

I pull out my old roller blades and contemplate a trip around the park. That’s exercise. Not the same as what I do with Tegan, but it would be something. Instead I toss them back in the closet. I text Em only to find out she’s in class. Without much of an idea as to where I’m going, I grab my keys. Mom’s going to be home early today and the thought of seeing her makes my chest feel tight with guilt.

My feet take the stairs as quickly as they can. The house suddenly feels suffocating with all its memories on the walls and thoughts of di

I jerk the door open and run outside, only to slam into something hard enough that I stumble backward. If it wasn’t for the hands that reach out for me, I’d be on my jean covered butt right now.

“Slow down there, Rocky. You’re supposed to save that for the gym. If you hadn’t missed the past week, that is.”

Tegan’s hands on me invoke all sorts of feelings I don’t want to discuss. Some of them anger, the others…not so much. I step out of his grasp, but all I come up

with to say is, “Rocky?”

“Yep. You have a killer hook. Though we’re going to have to work on your aim a bit. You were a little off target, but I think with some practice, you’ll be

knocking people out rather than just giving little black eyes in no time.” Tegan looks at me, obviously amused.

Without meaning to, I laugh. There’s something about his attitude that’s contagious. I want to trust everything he says, laugh at his jokes and even get a flash of myself ru

My mind is spending way too much time on this guy. I realize I’m screwed, so I take another step backward and cross my arms. All it does is give me a better

view of his deep brown penetrating eyes. There’s something so real about them. Even though he looks like all the Billy Masons out there, he might be different.

Pretty boys have this power to make girls crazy and if I don’t stop thinking about the realness in his eyes, I have a feeling I’m heading to padded cell territory.

“Whatever. Being smooth isn’t going to make this better.”

Tegan holds his hands up. “You’re not going to hit me again, are you? I knew I should have grabbed an ice pack.”

Damn him for forcing me to fight a smile. “I’m going now.” When I try to push the door closed, Tegan sticks his foot out to stop it.

This time, he’s serious when he speaks. “Five minutes.”

I nod my head yes at him, already feeling a crack in my defenses.

“Listen, maybe this is me being a total guy here, but I have no clue what I did to piss you off. Mom says guys are kind of dense when it comes to girls so I’m

assuming this is one of those times. The only thing I can come up with is I made you uncomfortable and that freaks me out. I really wasn’t going for sexual harassment when I said that—”

“Aw, so that’s why you’re here. You’re worried about your job. Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell them you harassed me.” I hate to admit it stings a little. Deep down, I wanted there to be another reason he came. Maybe it’s just because I actually had a little fun with him, but like I thought, it’s all just a job to him.

Tegan pushes his hair out of his face. “This is the second time you’ve said that. Your money is no better than anyone else’s. I wouldn’t be here if that were the case.”

“Why are you here?”

He shrugs. “I didn’t like the way we left things. You’re my client. I take my job seriously.”

Ouch. His answer hurts worse than it should.

“Plus… I owe you, I guess.”

It just keeps getting worse. First I’m his job and then a favor. “I helped you get a chair out of a car, Tegan. It’s not like I came up with a cure for cancer or something.”

“I don’t like to owe people.”

“It’s called kindness. Again, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to me.” The finality in his tone tells me he’s done and I am too.

“Okay, fine then. Tell me how you know where I live?”

He looks down at the ground for a second. When his head rises, he’s kind of looking up at me, a mischievous smile on his face. “You’ve got two things on me,

A

“Ugh!” I gasp, not really sure what to say.

“Breaking the rules is a little fun. I promise, I don’t do it as much as I used to though.”

“You used to steal girl’s addresses a lot? God! Maybe I should turn you in, Stalker Boy.” I can’t believe I’m joking around with him. No, what I can’t believe is how fun it is.

His face pales. “No! That’s not what I meant. Yours is the only address or phone number I’ve ever taken. I meant breaking the rules. Gives you a little rush, ya

know?”

“Are you mental?” This boy is all kinds of confusing. I’m not sure I know up from down when I’m around him.

Tegan laughs. “That’s one of the things I like about you. You say what’s on your mind. Plus, you’re fu

This time I don’t fight my laugh. In fact, I hardly even cover my mouth when it bursts free. It takes a few minutes before I settle down enough to speak. “Me? I

say what’s on my mind? Not even close. No one in my life knows how I really feel about anything.”

“Hmm, maybe I’m just special then. Do you have a crush on me, A

“Okay, I can tell from your face I just screwed up again, but I’m not sure how. Can we skip to the part where you tell me, so I can apologize and ask you to come back to the gym? You make things a lot more interesting around there.”

My body starts to heat. “Oh, just because you’re gorgeous you think you can get away with whatever you want. That you’ll ask me to come back to the gym and

I’ll just do it. Well think again, buddy!”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” It’s not a real question. He’s only trying to frustrate me.

“Ugh! I hate you!” I try and slam the door, but he stops me again. His eyes go from flirty to serious in T minus two seconds.

“I’m not playing games. I’m not sure why you think that.”

“Um, because look at me and look at you. You know my percentage of body fat for God’s sake. You can’t know that kind of information and then tease about my

hit being hot or tell me I make the gym more interesting. I get the rules and I’m okay with them. Don’t try and make me look stupid. I can’t workout with you.” The words stick in my mouth like cotton candy. I want to work out. I want to work out with Tegan too.

But then I get a

what you just said, but I’m going to focus on the workouts. If you want this, really want it, don’t fight it just because you don’t like me. Get another trainer. Keep me.