Measuring Up

The whole time I can’t stop thinking about sitting in that car. His non-answer. The apology he never offers. Or the fact that somehow, I let myself believe he

actually wanted to spend time with me when really he only wanted to make up for a workout. Still, I keep searching for an answer, or hoping there is one.

“Good workout today.” Tegan crosses his arms and leans against the building. This is the first time he’s actually walked me out of the building.

“Thanks,” I mumble, pulling my keys out of my bag. Then I start to walk away.

“Hey,” he calls out to me and idiotically I stop. “I’m sorry.”

And then it hits me. I’m not sure why I realize it now, but I think I know why he didn’t come. Timidly, I turn. “You were with your brother, weren’t you? You

were helping out with something.” If it’s true, it doesn’t excuse why he didn’t call. It really doesn’t explain why he didn’t just tell me the truth, but it makes the not-showing-up part kind of okay.

Tegan’s eyes don’t tell me anything. They’re wide and staring straight at me. He hasn’t moved. I’m not even sure he’s breathing right now.

“It’s okay… I mean, if that’s the reason, it’s okay. I understand.”

Finally he moves, pushing away from the wall slightly. “Why? Because I’m the guy with the crippled brother? That excuses me for everything?” Tegan shakes his

head, his blond hair blowing gently in the slight breeze. “See you next time, A

“You know what? It’s not okay! You’re right. Even if you were helping your brother it doesn’t give you the right to no call no show!”

He turns like my yelling surprises him. It surprises me too. I don’t wait for his reply though. I turn and walk away.

***

“A

I’m still sleeping, but then, that wouldn’t work with her would it? Maybe another mom, but not mine.

“Yeah?” I sit up and rub my eyes.

“We had a cancelation and I need your help with a few things to get ready for the pageant.”

It’s even worse than I thought. Is it possible for me to lie back down and play dead? “Isn’t there anyone else?”

“No there’s not. That’s why I’m here. It’s not as if I ask you for a lot, A

No, not a lot at all. Just perfection. “Okay, I’ll be down in ten.” She closes the door and I get out of bed and get ready. The car ride is practically silent. I don’t know what I was thinking—riding with her like this. I wonder if she’s as nervous as I am. Me because I don’t want to see the beauty queens from my high school and her because she doesn’t want to see me next to the girls. It will only remind us both what we don’t have.

When we get there, I waste no time finding a quiet corner to paint. It’s a plain backdrop that I have to paint white. Not hard, but Mom has checked on me four

times in an hour. Not because she’s curious, but because she doubts me. While I paint, Elizabeth and her crew are too cool to bother with me.

Mom and Bridgette are working on a schedule of some sort. They didn’t offer me much information and I didn’t ask. When I finish the painting I move on to

whatever other odd jobs they need me to do. Pull lighting, more props, and chairs from the storage. I’ve probably sneezed a million times because of the dust. I wonder if anyone else here has allergies like I do?

Just like my workout with Tegan the other day, Mom only talks to me when she has to. It’s not to be mean either. I know that. This is her element. She’s ordering people around and pla

And Elizabeth and crew? They just stay away from me. They’re too cool to want anything to do with me.

Finally, when I’ve done everything on Mom’s list, I hunt to find her, hoping we can leave. Following the hallway back stage, I head toward the offices, stopping

when I hear my name.

“What about A

It’s a woman’s voice. I’m not sure who. I know it isn’t Bridgette. I’m sure she’d know better than to ask.

“No, pageants aren’t really A

I had? Holy moly. When did I start making things clear that I never knew about? I mean, I’d rather poke my own eyes out, but I never told her that.

Or maybe not, maybe if she’d ask, I’d surprise both of us and want to do it with her.

“You never know. We’re kind of in a bind here. Maybe you could ask her.”

Ask me… Don’t ask me… Ask me… Don’t ask me… I don’t want to participate, but I want her to want me to. Just this once.

“She has plans, Evelyn. It wouldn’t work out. She’s going to be out of town with her friend Emily that night.” She’s not going to ask me. My eyes start to sting.

“Darn. I’ll figure something out. Thanks for everything, Paulette.” Footsteps sound as I assume Evelyn walks away.

“Is she really going out of town?” Bridgette asks.

“Of course not. I can’t let her embarrass herself like that, Bridge. You know it would be a disaster.”

What I hear is, embarrass me like that. I squeeze my eyes shut, not allowing myself to cry and then I walk out. The second I get outside I remember I don’t have

my car with me. Nice. What am I supposed to do now?

Mine and Em’s favorite coffee shop is only a block away so I head there. Once I have a coffee—crap, water in me. Stupid diet. Hopefully water will do the trick

and help me relax. Then maybe I can call Em to see if she can pick me up. We haven’t seen each other in a few days.

One water bottle later, two familiar people come in. Tegan’s mom and brother. I freeze, like it will somehow make me disappear.

They order their drinks and then look around the busy shop. There are no empty tables. In fact, the only empty seats are the ones by me. My stomach feels like I

just had a triple shot and nothing to eat all day, but I wave at them. “Hi. I don’t know if you remember me, but I helped you guys at the gym the other day.”

Tegan’s mom smiles and as his brother wheels himself over. “Of course I remember you! That was so nice of you to help. I’m sorry I didn’t get to thank you that

day, but I turned around and you were gone.”

I give them a smile. “It was no big deal. I’m about to head out though. I just wanted to tell you guys you could have my table if you want it.”

“Sit. You’re not going anywhere, but we’ll join you.”

Automatically, my butt falls into the chair. It’s not in the way I would sit if Mom told me to, but in a way that I want to sit.

“We have a couple hours to kill while they work on the lift for the van. We could use a little company…”

“A

“I’m Dana and this is Timmy.”

“Tim, Ma. I swear, you and Tegan treat me like I’m a baby.”

She ruffles his hair. “Aw, my little Timmy-wimmy-kins.” He shoves her hand away, cheeks red.

“Whatever.”

I feel warm inside watching them. “Nice to meet you.” I look at Tegan’s bother. “Nice to meet you too, Tim.”

He beams at me. “Do you play Gin Rummy? I kick Mom and Tegan’s butt. I need some real competition.”

Like his brother, he makes me laugh. They remind me of each other. The same brown eyes, blond hair and he has Tegan’s same smile. His real one, not the Ken

smile. “You’re on.”

We play four games. I’m not sure I ever laughed so hard in my life. Tim and his mom joke with each other, tease each other. They’re happy in a way mom has