Masquerade

Sca

Kidnappings with the word Kansas, her name and Kansas. I keep looking, my eyes burning from lack of sleep, but I’m determined to do this one thing right. To do it for her.

Scrolling down through the links, my eyes stop when they come to a picture of a sunflower. The same flower she has tattooed on her right calf.

One click tells me why she has it—the Kansas state flower.

Pushing to my feet, I grab the keys off the desk and I’m gone.

Chapter Twenty-Nine ~Bee~

I sit on one side of the clear glass, waiting. My leg’s bouncing and my heart’s jumping and I’ve gagged three times, so close to vomiting I’m still not sure I can hold it back.

But I’m here.

I’m not leaving.

My body goes numb when the door opens and they walk her in.

Melody.

That simply, my heart rate slows, happy memories I don’t know if I have a right to feel creating pictures in my mind. Baking cookies, looking at stars, burned di

It doesn’t make sense—my feelings for either of them. It’s not that I don’t love my parents; it’s that I don’t know how.

Melody’s green eyes are teary when she sits down. Her red hair shorter and tied into a little ponytail in the back.

She picks up the phone, so I do the same. “Coral. I can’t believe you’re here. It’s so good to see you.”

“My name is not Coral.” She flinches as though my words are a slap to the face. The anger in them surprises even me.

“You’re right. Leila. I’m sorry.”

That makes me laugh. Melody’s eyes crease in confusion as she looks at me, making more of the past flicker in, turning my feelings into a tornado of sadness and anger. “Fu

The phone in her hand shakes but she doesn’t hang it up. She sits there, listening, waiting. That’s one thing she has in common with my real mom. They’re both strong.

“I never thought I would come here. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if it was because I was scared of hating you more or not hating you enough.”

Melody nods, her face wet with tears.

“My mom and dad, did you know they tried to call me Coral at first because they thought it would be easier on me? Because I didn’t know how to be Leila and all they wanted was to find a way for me to be happy. Then… then I felt guilty, guilty because they kept my room the same and had pictures of me all over their house. They missed Leila and they thought she came home but I was Coral instead.”

Wetness rolls down my face. I’m crying. God, I’m crying and I didn’t even know it.

“So I told them to call me Leila. I tried, tried so damn hard to be the girl they lost but I never could. They did game nights instead of movie nights like we did. We went together somewhere as a family once a month. Mom never, ever got so busy she forgot to cook di

Now that the words are flowing, I can’t stop them. My brain and mouth are working together without me having the ability to stop them. I hate that my words hurt Melody but I need to evict them from me if I ever want to be free. And as much as it pains me, she hurt me too. She needs to know that.

“For years it went that way. Hell, it still is. I’m fucking trapped in between two lives, neither of which are mine and both adding this weight to my chest because in some ways they both feel wrong and they both feel right.”

“Cor—Leila. I’m sorry. I can never tell you how sorry I am but I wanted… the moment I saw you I fell in love. We loved you so much.”

“Love?” There’s that word again. The one that makes people hurt and still it threatens to take over my heart. “I used to believe you. I wanted to but now I don’t know. You didn’t know me when you stole me. How could you have loved me?”

She wipes her eyes. “We wanted a daughter. Wanted someone to love so much. I couldn’t have babies and with both mine and Rex’s past, we couldn’t adopt.”

“I get that and I’m sorry, but I wasn’t yours. That didn’t give you the right to take me. To hurt my family and ruin my life… in the name of what? Wanting a baby? If that’s what love is, screw that. I don’t want anything to do with it.”

Her voice rises. “Don’t you think I know it was wrong? That there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish we’d made a different decision? I will never forgive myself for what we did to you and your family but I also don’t go a day without hurting because we lost you too. No matter what you believe, we loved you.”

My grip on the phone loosens, and it almost falls free. My eyes flitter, trying to rid themselves of the tears. “I loved you too…”

This time it’s me who wipes my eyes. Fear lodges in my throat, trying to keep me from talking. I force the words around it. I’m here and I’m doing this no matter what.

“I remember… I don’t know how I forgot, how I could have thought you guys explained to me that my parents had died and I didn’t realize that hurt but I hadn’t. I remember now. I remember the pain of losing them. The memories of being grabbed keep resurfacing. I cried for them, for my family, and you guys let me believe they were dead… in the name of love.

“And eventually I moved on. I had you and Rex and I loved you guys and you loved me but then they found me and I lost you too. My family was back, only now I cried tears for you. My parents didn’t have a choice in their loss and neither did I. I’m still fucking losing because I’m scared—scared to love them because I don’t want to lose someone again. Scared I’m not worthy of them because I’m not Leila anymore. Because I don’t know how to love them like I don’t know how to love… What is it to love?” Maddox.

“Sweetie—”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare call me that. It’s not fair.” I push to my feet, ready to leave.

“They love you. It doesn’t matter if you’re Coral or Leila. They love you.” Her words make me pause, still holding the phone to my ear. “They always loved you. We… we watched them. They brought you to the park almost every day. They loved you so much, and that makes what we did even worse. Don’t be afraid to let them love you. Don’t be afraid to return their feelings. What we did… God, I loved you, too, but what we did, that isn’t what love is. Don’t ever think that. Love is support. It’s doing your best to take care of people instead of hurting them. It doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It means doing everything you can to be there for the ones you love. Wanting what’s best for them and loving them for who they are too. That’s how your parents feel about you, Leila. And I know that you feel that way about them too.”

My hand is shaking so bad I have to squeeze the phone tighter. Her words unlock my heart. No, I wasn’t Leila anymore but that never stopped them from loving me. They don’t understand my tattoos yet they still helped me start Masquerade. We don’t always see things the same way, but I have no doubts in my mind that they want me happy. Still, is being Bee enough?