Masquerade

“I will never regret anything like I do that day. All these years I’ve been trying to make it up to Laney, trying to be what she needs so she doesn’t feel her loss, but it’s nothing compared to what I owe you. Every day of my life, I will hate myself for that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

One, two, three, seconds I close my eyes. Brace myself for the hit that I know has to be coming. He deserves to do more than punch me. When it doesn’t come, I open my eyes to see Adrian still staring at me.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him again before I turn and start walking away.

The end of the walkway gets closer and closer. I don’t know where I’m going. I only know I can’t fucking stay here.

My foot hits the top stair when I hear, “Wait.”

And as much as I want to keep going, I owe him this. Owe him to at least hear him out. Slowly, I turn and walk back to him. And he’s shaking, fucking trembling. I wish like hell he would hit me. It would be easier to deal with than this.

“You weren’t driving the car.” A pause. “You couldn’t have stopped him.” Adrian’s words are slow… measured, pain traveling from them to me. I see how much he’s struggling, how much he wants to believe the words he’s saying. “It’s not your fault, like it isn’t my fault. I let him play in the yard when I knew I shouldn’t. I wasn’t standing next to him to protect him like a father should… but I also wasn’t behind that wheel.” He runs a hand over his face. “And… and neither were you.”

When I was younger, before I really got what Dad was doing, I looked up to him. Once the truth came out, I stopped. I’ve respected people since then—Laney, Bee, and even Adrian for still loving my sister—but I’ve never looked up to someone until this second. “How can you say that?”

“Because it’s true.”

For the first time since I found out what Dad did, a tear slips out of my eye. Christ, we have all lost so fucking much. Parents, kids, dreams—way more than our fair share. We’ve hurt people we’ve loved and we’ve hurt ourselves and we’ve been lost. Through it all, we’re still fucking standing. Adrian’s doing more than that now; he’s learning to live.

I want to live too…

“I was wrong about you. I’ve known it but I want you to know it. I was wrong. You’re more of a man than I’ve ever been, and I can only hope like hell I’ll be this strong one day. My sister is lucky to have you. I’m lucky to have you take care of her. I’ve hurt Laney and my mom and treated you like shit. And Bee… Christ, even her. I told her to go. I let her walk away from me instead of trying to be what she needed. Instead of showing her I love her so she felt safe enough to let me inside.”

I’ve made such a fucking mess of everything. I’ve acted like my dad and I will never let myself do that again.

“Then fix it. Start with her.”

Shaking my head, I say, “I can’t. She left. I don’t know where she went and Laney… I need to do this with her.”

“When will you ever fucking learn, man? If you really love Bee, Laney would rather you fix shit with her. She can take care of things here, and I’ll be here with her every step of the way. And… and she’ll be there for me too.” His eyes are hard on me, making sure I know what he’s saying. That he has to talk to my sister about what I told him because he needs her. That’s what they do for each other.

That’s what I want to do for Bee.

“You managed to Sherlock your way into finding me when I left Laney. Do that for yourself.” Adrian reaches into his pocket, pulls out a set of keys, and tosses them at me.

Looking at him, I know what he’s going to do. He’s going to Laney to face what I told him and deal with it head-on. They’ll face taking care of Mom’s arrangements together too. I’m so tired of fucking ru

Just then my sister walks up the stairs and stops when she sees us. “I was worried about you guys. Is everything okay? Maddy, I’m sorry for—”

“I’m in love with Bee.” Shock colors her face at my admission. “I love her and she left. I want to fight for her, Laney. Adrian…” My eyes dart to him and then back to my sister. “He taught me I need to fight for those I love—no, to fight with them.”

Her chin trembles and tears drip from her eyes. “Adrian?”

“Yes.” For the first time in possibly my whole life, I’m the one to pull her into a hug. I don’t stiffen, only hold her as tight as I can. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you. I’m sorry for how Mom treated you and sorry I hurt her too. And… he loves you. I’ve known that and I should have told you. I’m glad you have him.”

Her hand fists in my sweatshirt as she hugs me tightly, crying on my shoulder. “I love you, Maddy.”

“I know, little sister. I love you too.” When I pull away, Adrian has walked partway down the hall, waiting, without looking at us. “He needs you. Go to him. I… I told him some things I should have told you a long time ago and I’m sorry for that.”

Laney nods. “Go, find Bee.”

“Mom…”

“Is gone. You’re still here. I can handle this. For once you need to let me take care of something. I want you to go.”

Once more I hug her. “Thank you.” And then I do exactly what she said. I go to find Bee.

* * *

As soon as I get back to Brenton, I go straight to Bee’s house. Her car isn’t there but somehow I knew it wouldn’t be. Still I ring the doorbell a few times before going to Masquerade.

It feels fucked up using my key to get in without her being here but I do it anyway. Wherever she is and whatever she’s dealing with, I want her to know she doesn’t have to do it alone anymore. Finding her—going to her—is the only way to do that.

I look through the stockroom, the back room, any and everywhere I can think of that might tell me something about where she might have gone. I don’t even know her last name or where her parents live. I love this girl and I want to know everything about her—to fight for her and with her until we know every part of each other.

Each place I look and each time I come up empty I feel more like a failure. I told her to leave for being exactly how she told me to be, how I’ve always been, and now I can’t get to her either.

Dropping into the chair at her desk, my leg hits the bottom left drawer. The one she always keeps locked. It would be locked right now if it wasn’t for the corner of a folder, sticking out, holding it open. That little voice in my head tells me it’s wrong to open it. Part of her secrets are in there but damn it, is it wrong if it’s done out of love? I don’t really know. I’ve never felt it before and damned if I don’t want to try and keep on feeling it, so I rip the drawer open.

Without hesitating, I pull one of the folders out and open it. Newspaper articles are stuffed inside. One after another, I pull them out, each of the headlines making ice slither through my veins.

LOCAL GIRL KIDNAPPED

GONE WITHOUT A TRACE

AFTER YEARS PARENTS STILL FIGHTING THE ODDS TO FIND MISSING GIRL

MIRACLE! NINE YEARS LATER, MISSING GIRL BACK HOME

It keeps going on and fucking on. Trials and sentences and interviews with her family. Leila, mixed with Coral, but all really about Bee. The girl with the tattoo of the twins because she doesn’t know who she is. Who the fuck would?

The more I read, the more my stomach constricts. There aren’t a lot of details about it. Still, she was kidnapped. She was taken from her family only to discover the truth nine years later.

Tossing them on the desk, I bury my face in my hands, my eyes still drawn to the papers in front of me. It doesn’t make sense—why she thought she couldn’t share this with me. Then, whose ghosts really make sense to someone else? You have to live it to understand it no matter how much people might think otherwise.