Masquerade

“Hey…”

“Leila? Is everything okay?” The pitch in her tone rises a notch.

Bee… my name is Be… Though I guess it’s really not, is it? “It’s cool. Everything’s… cool. I don’t know why I called. I’ll let you go—”

“No! I’m glad you called. I want to talk to you.”

She does. I know she does but her love and Rex and Melody’s love are still this murky fog that I don’t understand.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Mom asks after a minute of my silence.

“No… not really.” There’s a guy in my bed. A guy that I might have feelings for when I’ve never let myself really love anyone after I lost you and then Rex and Melody were ripped from me. “I have a headache.”

“Did you try a bath? That works for me. I keep the lights low, maybe light a candle and lay a wet washcloth over my forehead. It’s really relaxing.” There’s a rustle in the background and I imagine her sneaking out of bed so she doesn’t wake my dad. They’re courteous to each other like that.

“How’s Dad?” I’m not sure why I ask.

“He’s great. He misses you. We all do. We were thinking maybe you could come home one weekend soon. Your sister would love for you to meet her fiancé.”

“Yeah… yeah, we’ll plan something.”

“And you know if there’s anyone special in your life, you can bring them, right? We’d love it if you did. You’ve never brought anyone home, Leila—Bee. I know there has to have been someone. You’re such a pretty, smart young woman. Any man would be lucky to have you.”

“There’s never been anyone, Mom.” And that’s true. There never has been before… but maybe there could be Maddox now?

“What about… if there’s a woman, that’s okay too. You know we’d love you regardless.”

A humorless laugh falls from my lips. “There’s not a woman. I like men.”

“Honey, we want you to be happy. You’re so alone out there. All you have is that tattoo place. What about—”

“I didn’t call to do this with you. That tattoo place makes me happy. I’m not like Larissa.” Maybe I could have been. Then we’d all be happy.

When she speaks again, there’s a slight tremble in her voice. “That’s not fair. That’s not what I meant.”

Time to go. “I know. Listen, I better go. I just called to…” Nothing comes to me because there isn’t a reason.

Mom sighs and she’s quiet for a few minutes. There’s never been a time she doesn’t know what to say. “I love you, Leila. You know that, right? We all do. I want you to trust me.”

Love. There’s that word again. It finds its way into every conversation. Someone is always declaring their love to someone else but it doesn’t stop them from hurting other people. It doesn’t stop me from hurting other people. “I know. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

When I hang up the phone, I let it slip through my fingers and fall to the couch, wishing I could be more like her. Wishing I could find the Leila inside me I used to be. Or even Coral. Both of those girls knew how to let people in.

Chapter Twenty-Four ~Maddox~

She’s been out of bed about an hour. I can’t stop thinking about her. Not only her but also me. Her and I. Whatever the fuck we are, if we’re anything. I’ve never let myself overthink shit because nothing has ever really mattered except for the stuff with my dad and my sister. But here I am thinking about her and wondering about the way she’d suddenly tensed against me, the little moans that snuck past her lips, and wanting to fucking erase her ache.

Instead, I let her go… That’s me, though, isn’t it? I didn’t do anything about Dad and I haven’t done anything to be there for Bee either.

The crazy part is… I want to. Want to learn how for her because she ties me in knots in the best way. I actually want to be with her and even though it’s scary as hell, I think she’s worth it.

Still, I haven’t left her bed. Haven’t walked to find her or tried to be a man and take care of her. I’ve been trying with Laney ever since I let them all down. Things with Bee are on a whole other playing field because I want to wipe her tears and make love to her until she forgets about all those secrets she keeps locked away from me.

The same fucking way I do with her.

Still, I want to try.

My eyes are drawn to the door, seconds before she walks through it. Her shadow, dark in an even darker room as she makes her way back to the bed and climbs in.

I can tell she’s on her side, facing me, but her skin hasn’t come in contact with mine. I want to wrap her inside me where we can both pretend we’re not fucked up and lost. The urge to ask her where she was for so long begs to fucking break through my lips. I don’t let it.

“You’re awake.” Her voice breaks through the night.

“Have been ever since you left.”

Ask her what’s wrong. Ask her where she went.

“Sorry.”

“Why? You want to get up, then you get up.”

“Ooookaay.” The bed dips as though she’s rolling away from me to get up. Need surges through me and I reach for her. Touch her soft fucking skin and pull her to me.

Tell her you want her. That you want to try. “You were making noises.”

“Strange dream.”

On instinct, I run a hand through her hair, lean forward, and press my lips to her forehead. “What was it?”

Before she has the chance to reply, my cell rings. A fist lodges itself in my stomach. They called at night when Mom tried to kill herself the last time. We didn’t find out about Dad until night too. All I can think of is my sister—of something having happened to her.

“Get it.” Bee gives me a light shove as I move away from her. A light comes on from her side of the room, right before I reach my pants and pull my cell out.

My skin tightens when I see my sister’s name light up the screen.

“What’s wrong?” I ask immediately.

Crying is my reply. Laney’s trying to speak but I can’t understand anything that’s coming out of her mouth.

“What the hell is wrong, Laney?”

“I got it, baby. Give me the phone,” Adrian says in the background before he’s on the phone. “It’s your mom, man… She’s gone.”

My hold on the phone tightens. I don’t know if I’m breathing. If my heart is fucking beating. She’s gone. Even without being told, I know she finally got her wish and her parting shot at Laney at the same time. “Tell Laney I’ll be right there. Don’t you fucking leave her alone and you tell her I’m coming, okay? I’ll be right there.”

Without another word, I hit END on the phone. I’m already shoving my legs into my pants.

“What is it? What happened?” Bee steps up to me.

“My mom’s dead.”

She gasps and I wonder if it’s because I lost my mom or because of the cold way I said it—detached with no feeling because I don’t know how in the hell to feel.

“Maddox, I’m so sorry. What happened?”

I shrug. “She did it somehow. What kind of mom would she be if she didn’t kill herself on my little sister’s birthday?”

Bee gives another gasp at that before she reaches out for me. I’m too angry at my mom and the situation to let myself be touched. My skin is tight with tension. I dodge her as I go for my shirt.

“I gotta go. I need to check on Laney.” My voice muffles slightly as I pull the shirt over my head and go for my shoes.

“Hey.” This time, I don’t move when she grabs my arm. “What about you?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

She lets me pull away but then steps in front of me. “Let me go with you.”

And fuck if I don’t want that too. If I don’t need it. Someone there for me. Her there for me. “You don’t want to do that. It’s not going to be pretty.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Maddox. You know I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. Let me go with you.”