Masquerade

Maddox turns before sitting on my bed. I’m straddling his lap, the hard length of his erection nuzzled right where I want him to be.

“Are we doing this?” he asks. The question surprises me. Makes me wonder if I should want to run.

“Don’t ask. Just do it.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Not this time. I want you to tell me, no rules. Just us.”

Desire and… love? Need? I don’t know what it is but they lure the words from my mouth. “No rules. Just us. We’re totally doing this.”

His fingers slide across my belly as I stand up. My hands tremble as I push my shorts down.

His eyes skate up and down my body like a gentle caress. I’ve never been embarrassed of my body before. I’m not now. Still a small urge to cover myself sneaks up on me. It’s more personal being naked around Maddox than it’s ever been with anyone else. Like he sees more of me than I show. Before I have the chance to think about it, his voice breaks through my nerves. “Jesus Christ, you are so fucking beautiful.”

Maddox leans forward, his tongue slipping out of his mouth, flicking the piercing in my belly button. I have the urge to do the same thing to the one in his nipple but know it has to be tender still.

“Your turn.” I run my hand through his hair and he looks up at me through his dark eyelashes. Those gray eyes seeking… searching. I’m not sure what for.

And then he grabs the bottom of his T-shirt and pulls it over his head. It falls to the floor before he’s pushing off my pale yellow bed and going for the buttons on his pants. I can’t stop myself from leaning forward. Of letting my mouth taste and tease his bare chest, as close to the piercing as I can.

Maddox hisses. I somehow know it’s not in pain. When his pants are gone, I look down to enjoy the view, but then he’s falling to the bed and pulling me on top of him. This strange happiness bubbles up from my stomach as a laugh tumbles out of my mouth. It’s so foreign-sounding that it makes me want to laugh harder.

“What are you laughing at, baby?”

There’s a playfulness in his voice that I’m not used to hearing from him.

“Just realizing that since you gave me a tat on my back, I get to be on top.” The words weren’t pla

“You can be on top of me any time you want to.”

Maddox pulls my hair tie out, and my blond waves fall over my shoulder before he lies down. I go with him, kissing him, because I need him on my tongue.

He palms one of my breasts, playing with my nipple, and even though we just started, I feel the begi

“I want you,” I tell him.

“Fuck, I love that about you. Love that you’re not afraid to say what you want.”

My body freezes at the word. I know Maddox isn’t saying he loves me. It still makes a cold shiver run through me.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking do that, Bee. You said you want me, so take me.”

That’s what I need to hear. Leaning forward, I reach for the drawer beside my bed to grab a condom. When I do, Maddox’s warm, wet mouth covers one of my nipples. I can’t help but cry out, the need in me starting to blaze again.

I open the wrapper before scooting far enough off of him that I can roll the condom down. He doesn’t stop touching me the whole time, and then I’m straddling him again. I lean forward and can’t help but look down at him. At the stubble on his jaw and the intense stare in his eyes. He’s lying there, waiting, looking up at me as though it’s the first time he’s seen me.

My hair down, brushing his chest, Maddox reaches up and cups my cheek. “If you don’t do this, I’m going to.”

My smile comes out of nowhere.

And then I move, slowly, so so slowly, as I make us one. He’s inside me and we’re moving together and that satisfied burn starts building higher and higher again.

His hands are on my hips as I move. He feels so good and I feel so good that I wish I could hold on to this feeling forever. When his grip on me tightens, I know he’s getting close. Maddox’s hands slide up my body, cup my breasts, and then he rolls each of my nipples between his fingers. That’s all I need to push me over the edge. I’m careening down, but it’s such a wonderful fall that I want it to keep going. It takes me over as my whole body shudders and then he’s pushing deeper and my tremble is transferring to him as he finds the bliss I just held.

Look at him. Look at him, Bee. Yet I can’t make my eyes find his. This didn’t feel like just sex and I’m not sure how to deal with that.

“I’ll be right back.” Maddox kisses me, one quick, tender peck to the lips and my eyes start to mist. It’s the kiss of a lover. Of people familiar and comfortable with each other in a way I’ve never let myself be with anyone.

He doesn’t seem to notice as he disappears from the room. Fear starts seeping through all the hiding places inside me. I’ve fallen for him. He means something to me, more than I want to admit. What if I hurt him? What if he hurts me? What if I can’t be what he needs?

“Hey.” Maddox stands in my doorway, naked and so so beautiful. “Don’t. Wherever you’re going in that beautiful mind of yours… don’t.”

Without another word he turns off the light. I hear his footsteps on the carpet and then he’s grabbing my comforter and pulling it. When I scoot over, he lies down next to me before lifting the blanket on top of us.

“You shouldn’t be on your back.” Maddox pulls me over, so I’m half on him, my shoulder facing up and away from the mattress.

My body is stiff as we lie silently in the darkness. After what feels like a million years, he whispers, “It’s not easy for me either. Let’s not overthink it, yeah?” Like he’s known for doing, he goes silent after that.

Some of my tension evaporates with his words. Thinking of the leaves on my back and the fact that they’re his mark, I somehow relax. Wrapping my leg over the top of him, I nuzzle into his chest and go to sleep.

I’m not sure what wakes me later. It’s as though my eyes open and I’m awake. Maddox is holding on to me, his breath in my hair and his chest rising and falling against my cheek.

The ghost of a memory starts flittering its way through my head and I realize what woke me up. I’d been dreaming about Rex and Melody.

“Where’s my mommy?”

“She’s gone. We’re going to take care of you now. She wanted you to be with us.”

Waves and waves of tears had fallen from my eyes. I cried. Cried all night. Cried for days. How could I not have remembered that? How could I not have known I missed my parents? I’d suppressed all that terror.

Not wanting to wake Maddox, I push out of bed as quietly as I can. After grabbing my shirt, I slip it on and go to the room we were in earlier and sitting on the chair. With my knees bent, I wrap my arms around my legs and close my eyes.

They hurt me. Of course they hurt me. They stole me.

It’s this fog in my brain that I somehow contained all these years. I don’t know if I wanted to block out the fact that Rex and Melody had really hurt me—that they’d let me cry for the parents I believed were dead. What did I think? That they’d told me and I shrugged that it was okay and that was the end of it?

In the name of love, they’d broken my parents and my sister and… me, the one they claimed to care about. And now I have my parents back and I know they love me but they wish I was someone different too. All in the name of love. I don’t get why in the hell anyone would want to feel it. Why am I considering letting it get its claws into me?

As if I don’t control it, my hand reaches for the phone. I have no idea what time it is. I know it’s late. Still I dial my mom’s number, not sure why I’m doing it.

She answers on the second ring. “Hello?” Mom sounds as perfect as ever, not as though I woke her up when I know I probably have.