Before You Break

Qui

I felt drunk on his gruff voice. On his touch. I was hyperaware of how his calloused fingers were tracing lazy circles along my palms.

“It’s because I . . . I like you, Qui

“You like me,” he said, parroting my words. He positioned his knee between my legs pi

I felt vulnerable. Exposed. Completely electrified.

He dipped his lips toward my collarbone. “What else?”

I could barely concentrate while his mouth and nose skimmed along my jawline, up to my earlobe. “Tell me,” he whispered in my ear.

“And . . .” I stifled a whimper. “And I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Been thinking about you, too.” He nuzzled his lips in the crook of my neck and an electric current hummed between my legs. His hips rested against mine and I felt how turned on I’d made him. It was heady.

“You smell so fucking good, Ella.”

I pretty much melted like hot wax right on the spot.

“Tell me what you want,” he rasped against my hair.

Then his wet tongue darted out and licked my earlobe. This time, I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped my lips.

You, I wanted to say. I want you.

Chapter Twelve

Qui

This girl was driving me out of my fucking mind. I wanted to wrap myself up in her. Get lost in her for days. She’d broken up with Joel. And then she’d come to my room.

But I wasn’t the solution. I was the problem. A big-ass problem.

If I couldn’t even live with myself, how could I make someone else happy?

She’d start to hate me after a while. Just like I hated myself.

She was making the sexiest damn noise in the back of her throat and titling her hips against mine, driving me insane. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d wanted someone this badly. Maybe I never had.

I still had her hands pi

“Qui

I pulled back to look at her. There was desperation in her eyes. She wanted me just as badly as I wanted her. I released her fingers and cupped her soft cheeks in my hands.

“I’m not going to kiss you, Ella. Not tonight.”

She sagged against me, her forehead landing on my shoulder.

“Kissing you would be too easy,” I whispered in her ear. “And you’re not a girl I want to be easy with.”

“I get it, okay? You don’t date. I remember you said . . . you said that.” She said those words into my shoulder. But now she raised her head to meet my eyes. There was determination in them. “I knew that coming here. And I’m okay with whatever happens.”

She was telling me that she knew she might be a fling. And that didn’t sit well with me. This girl needed more. She needed someone to give her everything.

And I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t good enough for her. I wasn’t strong enough to give her anything more.

“Is that what you think? You think someone as incredible as you wouldn’t be worth my time?” I pushed away from the wall and sat down hard on the edge of my bed. “I don’t date girls because . . . I can’t . . . I’m not . . .”

Her eyes were round and shiny. “Because of that girl in the parking lot at Zach’s?”

My back straightened. Had she been spying on Amber and me?

That was the cold splash of reality I needed.

“Yes and no. Not because I still want her. But she’s part of my past and it’s a past I’d like to forget,” I said. “And you bringing her up reminds me of why I shouldn’t be doing this again.”

She knelt down in front of me. “Doing what again?”

I didn’t respond. I wasn’t going there with her. With anybody. I’d already said too much.

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to pry,” she said. “I’m just trying to understand you.”

Had anyone ever said that to me before? Had anyone even taken the time to care?

“Look, I’ve never done this before,” she said gesturing between us. “I’ve never been so reckless. Here I am throwing myself at you and you don’t even want me. I must look like an idiot.”

She stood up and balled her fists. Her hands were shaking.

And she couldn’t have been more wrong.

“You think I don’t want you?” I reached for her waist and yanked her toward me. I gripped her sweet ass and tipped my head to rest on her stomach. Her fingers fisted my hair and I felt her harsh breaths against my neck.

“If I kiss you, Ella, I won’t be able to stop,” I said. “I’d want more, and that can’t happen. I’m just not . . . it just . . . can’t.”

I felt her stomach quiver and then her fingers loosened their grasp in my hair. “I don’t know you very well, Qui

She cupped my chin and forced me to look at her. “I don’t understand why you’re fighting this so hard. God, I made it so easy for you.” She leaned her face toward mine and I felt her warm air on my lips. “So for whatever it’s worth, I think you’re amazing.”

My chest squeezed into a tight fist and I bit my lip to keep my emotions in check.

She backed away from me, turned, and walked out the door.

Worst of all, I let her.

Chapter Thirteen

Ella

It was the night before spring break, and I was volunteering at the suicide hotline. In the morning, I would be headed home for a long weekend. The phone lines were lit up tonight, as I knew they would be right before a holiday.

It helped keep my mind off Qui

To make matters worse, I didn’t miss Joel all that much. I’d seen him around campus with different girls. Like he’d unleashed himself on the female population again. He was free and raring to go.

It was strange to not have an excuse to go to the frat house anymore. Tracey had called to ask what happened between Joel and me and I’d been tempted to question her about Qui

A student volunteer named Lizzy gave an exasperated huff across the hall. “I’m getting a lot of hang-ups tonight; are you guys?”

“Nope, I haven’t. But it’s almost spring break, so it makes sense,” I said. Steve, another volunteer on with us tonight, was busy on a call. Sometimes, hang-ups meant people were just too scared to go through with the call. It was frustrating on both sides.

I couldn’t even finish my thought because my phone line lit up again.

“Suicide prevention. Gabriella speaking.”

“I was begi

My heart vaulted into my throat. “Daniel.”

Had he been hanging up on the other lines until he reached me?

I swallowed several times before answering. “You having a hard time tonight?”

“How’d you guess?”

“I figured you wouldn’t want to chill on the phone with me if you weren’t.” I was going for humor, but I wasn’t sure if he’d appreciate that. So far, he’d been unpredictable.

“True. But I like talking to you, Gabby,” he said. “You make me feel . . .”

“Feel what?” I had no clue why I hung on this guy’s every word. He brought out some protective instinct in me.

Long silence. This time I could hear the wind in the background and the sound of cars swishing by. “Like I . . . matter.”