Before You Break

“Like what?” Tracey asked. “As long as it doesn’t involve heavy drinking. I am spent.”

“How about Truth or Dare or Would You Rather,” Lucy said.

“Ugh, sick of those games,” another sorority girl named Katy said.

“I know a game,” I piped in. “We played it in high school. It’s called Five Fingers.”

I hadn’t played the game in years. Avery told me that she’d used the game to get to know Be

“How do you play?” Qui

“You ask someone a question and they have to answer in five words or less,” I said, looking at Lucy instead of Qui

“Never heard of it before,” Joel mumbled as if he was suddenly aware I was next to him. He reached for me and attempted to pull me across his lap. My whole body went rigid. Joel was on the verge of being sloppy drunk so when he thrust his tongue in my ear, it had the opposite effect of what he was after.

“Stop it,” I pushed away from him. “Not here, in front of everyone.”

He tried shoving his hands beneath my tank top and I yanked them from under my shirt.

“You’re never any fun,” he slurred.

“If I’m not fun,” I hissed in his ear, “maybe you should find someone who is.”

“Maybe I will,” he said a little too loudly.

Everyone in the room went silent, their eyes on me, seeing how I’d respond.

Qui

The other guys piped in, calling him a drunk and a douche, and I was saved from crawling into a hole in the ground.

“Let’s get back to the game,” Lucy said, puffing out a breath.

“We can do boys versus girls,” I said, swallowing roughly, trying to make things seem normal. “One side asks the question and everyone on the other side takes a shot at answering.”

Qui

I needed to break it off with Joel sooner than later. No way did I need to be considered some damsel in distress who couldn’t take care of myself.

“Cool,” Lucy said and all the girls moved over to sit by me on the one side of the room. Joel was too tipsy to move, so he stayed put. But at least a few girls were crammed between us now.

“Ready?” I looked across the room. Qui

I thought of a question I’d want him to answer. I was curious about so many things. Who he’d dated. How he’d grown up. Where he’d grown up. Just . . . everything.

“Okay, five words or less. Describe your first kiss.”

The guys groaned but Qui

“No talking it out beforehand, just go ahead with your answers,” I said.

“Why don’t you go first, Joel,” Jimmy said. “Before you pass out on us.”

He nodded and I held up my fingers to count the words.

“Sexy redhead . . . behind the bleachers . . . tongue in my mouth before I could . . .”

I mimicked the sound of buzzer. “You went over five words, dude. Not so easy, is it? Take a sip of your beer.”

I rolled my eyes. Like you even need it.

The guys went down the line, using words that would only be found in some erotic novel—and in their wildest dream. Boobs, short skirts, hot, tongue action. Full of shit was what I’d thought. Nobody’s first kiss could be that good. The girls surrounding me were reduced to giggles, and most of the guys had to gulp their drinks.

Then it was Qui

“Cousin’s friend . . . backyard . . .” Then he shrugged. “Sloppy mess.”

“Finally, someone with a reality check,” I said and motioned toward him for a high five. His eyebrows drew together right before his hand met mine in midair.

“No one’s first kiss could be that great,” he said. “You have to practice to be good at it. And not with your pillow, either.”

That opened up the floodgates for his frat brothers to pounce.

“Qui

“Probably not as much as you, asswipe,” Qui

His scalding gaze remained locked on Joel. And then he seemed to reign himself in by taking a very deep breath.

“Come on, guys, it’s your turn to ask us a question,” Lucy said. She settled into the couch cushion and crossed her legs beneath her.

The guys on the other side of the room congregated together. And before we knew it they were smirking and gri

“We can ask any question?” Jimmy asked.

Uh-oh. I shrugged. I didn’t want to egg them on.

Todd cleared his throat. “Describe your first time giving a guy head.”

The girls groaned in unison. This was a bad idea.

“I’ll go first,” Rachel volunteered.

We made eye contact and silently agreed to come up with ridiculous answers.

“Gross, disgusting, horrible taste . . . puny.” Rachel high-fived all of the girls while we busted up laughing.

“You guys are cheating,” Jimmy said. “We gave honest answers.”

“Yeah right,” Lucy said. “All of your first kisses sounded like they were straight from porno movies!”

After two more rounds where the answers got even more absurd, we decided to quit while we were ahead. Qui

“I’m heading up to bed,” Qui

He didn’t look my way and I was half-relieved. I didn’t want anyone thinking we’d made too much eye contact. As he made his way toward the stairs, something gleamed from the cushion he’d just sat in. I moved over to where he’d been, complaining about needing more room. I shoved my hand between the cushions and my fingers closed around a set of keys.

I’d take them to him before I left. I definitely wasn’t sleeping in Joel’s bed tonight.

Everyone else began moving outside to the bonfire.

“You heading out there?” I asked Joel as the room cleared. His gaze had been fixed on a blond sorority girl moving out the door. The same girl who’d sat on the other side of him during our game. He didn’t answer me. “Joel?”

“Hmmm?” He turned to the sound of my voice, barely even registering me, and right then and there, I decided I’d had enough.

I was dating him for all the wrong reasons.

When I’d asked him questions about my brother, I’d gotten this sense that my time was limited before we needed to move on to lighter things. Fu

And maybe that was what it had been about all along. Maybe I was hanging in there until the next time he’d allow me an opening to talk about Christopher again. To permit me to live in my brother’s world, for brief snatches of time, where we were both on the same page. Where we both could reminisce about the person I’d loved most in the world.