The Wanted

Joseph’s hand wound around mine, and it lifted me a little. His hand shook in mine, my hand shook in his, our balance unsteady. But I gripped it tightly anyway.

Elise swept her delicate hand in the air and Joseph sucked in a breath before she said, “Aren’t we forgetting what an asset this helicopter could be? We could fly over the Superiors’ compound and blow them all to hell!” He exhaled, relieved.

Gus stomped his foot. It didn’t make much noise in the damp ground, but his anger pulled everyone’s focus to his words. “No more! No more death. If there is to be more fighting, it will not start with us. The only way forward is negotiation.” The Survivors bowed their heads in agreement.

Elise shut her mouth with a snap, and I felt bad for her. She was new. I got that.

It was a simple decision, which I knew they would support. They were as anxious to see the boys as we were. If we could convince the pilot to fly us, we could go.

“Where’s the pilot?” Joseph shouted. Someone pointed.

Deshi, Joseph, and I walked around the other side of the chopper where the soldiers and pilot sat, bound to trees.

Olga sat away from the others; her sorry head slumped between her shoulders as if it were hanging by a thread. I wanted to ask her—why? How could she do it? But I also didn’t want to hear her excuses, her reasons for telling the Superiors where we were, for making it possible for them to murder thousands of their own citizens. That, and I was afraid of my own anger towards her. Because a large part of me wanted to stomp on her until she was parts, not a whole. Pieces lying cracked and open in the mud.

They had their video now. I shuddered at the thought of them showing it in the other towns. I saw my mother’s face again and squeezed Rosa-May’s hand. She put us first. She entrusted her little girl to me. My sister. It proved something I was never sure of until now.

“Do you want to talk to her?” Joseph’s voice was edged sharply in anger.

I contemplated it and decided no. “There’s nothing she can say.”

Joseph moved his arm around my shoulders, a beat of hesitation there like there was a bubble of air between him and me he had to push through to touch me. I was trying to ignore it, hoping it was just concern.

“There he is.” Joseph pointed to a man in his thirties, his head against a trunk, his eyes rolling with the swish of the frozen leaves above him as if mesmerized.

I squatted down in front of him and sat back on my knees.

His head snapped to me.

“I didn’t know,” he said quietly as his eyes lolled back to the leaves. “They didn’t tell me what they were pla

I reached out my hand and touched his arm. “What’s your name?”

“I didn’t know. All those people. Did you hear the screaming? I didn’t know,” he muttered. Something in this guy’s head had snapped. My hope slipped away with the threads of his sanity that someone had cut loose.

“Well, I really want this guy flying me hundreds of feet over pointy trees and jagged rocks,” Deshi muttered sarcastically.

A rustle in the trees caught my attention, and I jerked to standing.

“What is it?” Joseph asked, his fingers digging into my arm.

“You’re hurting me,” I whispered, irritated.

“Damn it.” Joseph let me go suddenly and walked away. He was acting so strange. He pulled his hands through his hair, turning his back to me. I placed a hand on his back, feeling it tense under my fingers.

“It’s okay…It was an accident,” I whispered.

“Denis?” Deshi’s shocked voice carried suspicion and hope.

We swung around and watched as Denis carefully picked his way towards us from the bushes, his long legs slipping gracefully between the plants without touching them.

“I can fly it,” he said, his bruise-shadowed face pulling between grave and nervous.

JOSEPH

I wish so many things. Mostly, I wish for time.

To go back. To savor. To fast forward. To control.

I want to tell them everything and nothing.

“Matt!” I jogged to catch up with him as he headed into the crowd to check more people for injuries. He paused. Soft gazes swung our way. The people of Pau Brazil were soaked in grief. But some were starting to move, to question and interact with the Survivors. There was no anger, only curiosity at the moment. I prayed it would stay that way.

“Joseph!” Matt’s voice was welcoming. My words for him were lead-coated.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Mhm…” Matt fumbled around in his pack for his stethoscope.

“It wasn’t Rosa. It was me and Deshi.” I breathed the words out slowly, watching them turn to steam.

Matt’s gaze was kind. “I know. Deshi told me what happened. I know you can’t see it yet, but you’ll get through it.” He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder that may as well have been a sharp hook. “Have you spoken to your parents?”

“My parents are already upset with me. They feel like they only just got me back and now I’m leaving again. I don’t think I can add any more stress to their lives right now,” I blurted.

Matt nodded, doctoring me. I could almost see him taking notes on my PTSD in his head. “And Rosa?”

“I don’t know how.” I don’t know where to start. Matt didn’t even know about Elise. I’d made a mess so high and so deep I didn’t know how to wade out of it or even if I deserved to.

“You’ll figure it out,” he said, unperturbed, like it was a given.

ROSA

I watched Denis and Deshi carefully as we prepared for our journey. They seemed friendly enough but there was no tearful reunion or any obvious evidence of a romantic relationship. Denis revolved around Deshi as if he were the sun, but he never touched him. When Denis climbed into the cockpit of the chopper, my eyes fell to Deshi as I tried to decipher something that was possibly never there.

“Rosa, I can feel you staring at me,” Deshi growled while he was bent over his pack.

“You’re just so stu

He stood up and gri

I stepped closer to his side, our hips touching as I wrapped my arm around his narrow waist. Unlike Joseph, I could probably wrap my arms around Deshi twice.

“Did he miss me?” Our eyes rested on Joseph, who was talking to his father near the bombsite. Really, I knew he had. I don’t why I needed the reassurance; things just seemed a little off with him.

Deshi wiggled out of my grip and faced me—in his expression lay all the truths and answers I wanted and didn’t want. I looked away.

“I don’t even know how to express to you how much he missed you, blamed himself, and almost died without you. Rosa, he’s struggling. Even with you back, I’m worried about him.”

I didn’t need to hear that. “Is it because of what he did?” I asked, my heart pounding, shock waves ru

Deshi’s eyes bugged out in a surprise and for a second, his mouth hung open. It was very unlike him and he quickly composed himself.

“You know what he did?” he asked, his voice high and cracked.