The Wanted

“Please, don’t tell him,” I pleaded. “Part of my tort… I mean, interrogations, was watching the surveillance from that night. I saw myself… dying.” I kind of gulped dryly at the memory. It was physical, ru

Deshi sighed. “Oh…” There it was again. That beat of silence like there was a missing word lying flat on his tongue. “Jesus, Rosa, that’s horrible.”

I nodded, trying to slow my breath and stop the shaking. Joseph walked towards us, a determined look on his face. He stomped through the grass loudly, and I wondered what his father had said.

I whispered to Deshi as he gripped both my wrists reassuringly. “I know what he’s like, I know he’s probably been beating himself up about what he did, but he didn’t have a choice. He would have died.”

Deshi let me go as Joseph brushed through the spindly trees bordering the chopper. Ice crept up their trunks and froze their shoulders. I breathed in the smell of icy pine and smoldering fires as if it were a drug I couldn’t get enough of.

“You’re just going to have to talk to him,” Deshi said with urgency winding round and round his voice.

I bowed my head. The words how and when pushed their way out of the dirt like spring flowers at my feet.

“What are you two talking about?” Joseph smiled, and the sun peeked out between his lips.

I tried it out; I let the golden rays hit my face and warm me.

“You,” I teased. Something like panic and fear swept across his face like a breeze, and then it was gone. “It’s okay. Nothing bad,” I said, my hands up in defense.

“Nothing bad, man.” Deshi backed me up.

Denis poked his head out of the cabin. “Are you ready to leave?”

I jumped, feeling on edge. “Is Rosa-May still with Pelo?” I asked Joseph.

“She is. Are you sure you want to bring her?” He brought a hand to my hair, and I felt like I might cry because there was air and awkwardness between us. His touch was comfort and heartbreak. It reminded me of things I’d lost, and it brought me back home.

“I’m not leaving her behind. I’m all she has.” I set my mouth.

He gri

I laughed at his acceptance, his readiness to let Rosa-May into our family.

“Well, technically, she’s sort of like your sister-in-law. Is that right, Matthew?”

Matthew handed me a sack full of food and smirked. “I don’t think there’s a traditional word that fits your situation. All I know is, she’s lucky to have you both.”

The others gathered around to say goodbye. Gwen knocked my shoulder and whispered, “Good luck.”

Everyone exchanged looks as the blades began to churn and distort the air and words became too difficult. Deshi slapped Elise on the back, rather hard, and she pursed her lips at him before breaking into a stu

Pelo handed me Rosa-May and yelled to me, “I want to come with you.”

I shook my head. He was needed here.

Jonathan and Steph held hands and waved to their son. When Steph’s eyes caught mine, they narrowed suspiciously. I got the feeling I wasn’t what she’d hoped for as a match for her son.

The air buzzed. Joseph grabbed my waist and hoisted me into the chopper, bending his head and following me inside. Deshi strode to the co-pilot chair and strapped himself in, busily co

Joseph closed the door and fell into the seat next to me, strapping himself in just as the craft became airborne. I wanted to say, Remember the last time we were together in one of these? But no words came. I was overwhelmed with the memories of our past. They hit me fast like rocks spitting up into a windshield. Fear of what was ahead, excitement at leaving home and Paulo behind, and an aching for my mother. But all of those memories paled to one—Joseph’s hand over mine like a golden barrier, shutting out all my harried thoughts and warming me to my spindly core.

This was where we started. This was how we spread out over the wilderness, a thousand stretching strands. So many plotted points, missed and taken, that brought us right up to now.

His ribs nudged my side as his chest expanded with deep breaths next to me. I put my hand over his and curled my thin fingers over his tensed knuckles like a cage. We watched the people turn to ants and the forest swallow them whole.

Deshi pointed north and we swung around in an arc, the edge of Pau Brazil just visible. Concrete, I once thought impenetrable, was cracked and spilling into the grass.

ROSA

Denis and Deshi chatted happily in the cockpit because they had those headphone things on. It was as noisy as a windstorm in the back, the blades ricocheting off the low clouds like they were made of rubber. Silence suited us anyway. After we found Orry, we were going to have to find time to talk. Just not now.

Rosa-May’s head lolled against my ribs. She’d slept for hours. I wished I could do the same. I sighed and looked down at our hands lying over each other’s like soft blankets. Calming.

I turned to the window and felt Joseph staring at me. But I liked being under his gaze, so I didn’t move my head for fear he’d look away.

Below, the wilderness stretched endlessly. Creeping up with fronded fingers as we ascended into the mountains. I chewed on my nails as I willed the chopper to move faster.

The chopper dipped suddenly, and we all gripped our harnesses as we flew out of our seats.

“We need to land!” Denis shouted over his shoulder.

It lurched and dove as if it were sitting in a sea storm. My stomach floated along with it. Finally, it touched down awkwardly in a tiny patch of wild grass surrounded by trees.

When it was quieter, Denis removed his headphones and explained. “The battery is flat. It needs to charge for the rest of the day. We’ll have to… camp?” He said it like a question, like he’d never used the word before.

The blades slowed, and we unclipped our harnesses. Joseph stood and stretched his back, raising his arms up to the ceiling and pushing on it. I bit my lip while I watched his arms flex.

His eyes twinkled as they gazed at the sleeping child at my side. Gently, he unbuckled her harness and scooped her into his arms, her dark hair splaying out behind her head as it swayed from side to side with his movements.

We shuffled out of the chopper and as soon as my feet crunched the earth, I felt small. The forests around the settlements were lush, dominating, but new. This world was old. The trees were elders, their gnarled, enormous trunks scored with age and experience. The air had a cold quiet about it, like through the gaps in the trees, eyes were watching us. I jogged to one of the trunks, hopping over ferns and mossy plants. Joseph’s chuckle pulsed through the air in fresh waves. My hand co

“Wow!” I said in awe as I craned my neck to stare up the branches spi

Both Deshi and Joseph laughed.

Denis asked, confused, “What on earth is she doing?”

Joseph answered. “This is like Rosa’s idea of heaven.”

I wanted to press my whole existence to the trunk and hug it. It felt like it had been years since I was in the forest, even though it had only been about a month. One month of people trying to pull my spirit from my body. I rubbed my face on the mossy bark and breathed in the pungent smell of rotted wood.