The Wanted

I gasped.

Matthew heard me. “Yes. It’s quite a sight.”

We moved to the left, hitting the grass and walked towards the chopper. Matthew gestured to Gus, who was squatting by the wall, knife in one hand, the other pressed to the ground.

“What is he hunting exactly?” I asked both of them.

“That little man that went underground, I guess,” Joseph answered.

Matthew nodded. “He has to surface eventually.”

“Oh,” was all I managed before I was swept into a tight embrace yet again.

I thought we’d done all this last night: The hugs, the kisses, and the happy reunions, which lacked happiness. But Rash had me off the ground, with Rosa-May still in my arms, before I could stop him.

We teetered together.

“In the cold light of morning, your hair really does look like shit,” he joked as he planted me back in the grass. His eyes darted to Joseph, who shook his head.

“I know,” I said, attempting to tuck it back and losing.

Joseph marked my side. “Considering everything she’s been through, actually, despite any of that, I think she looks incredible.”

Rash scowled. “Enough with the sappy romantic crap dude, I just ate,” he said, holding his stomach and pretend-retching. Rosa-May giggled as I scowled at him.

Rash winked and pinched her cheek. She smacked at him with tiny fists.

“Whoa! Got your sister’s temper I see, mini-Rosa.”

Joseph loomed over Rash. “Don’t call her that,” he threatened.

I waved them both off. “Calm down you two.” Their interaction was strange and left an icy, acid feeling in my stomach. I left them exchanging frigid stares and peered over Rash’s shoulder to see Pelo and Joseph’s parents talking seriously. I’d forgotten they knew each other. The image of a parent-teacher conference hovered like a bubble over their heads. When Pelo noticed me, he broke his conversation and strode over, the sun spilling through the frosted leaves and dancing off his dark hair.

“How are you, my girl?” he asked, bending down to peer into my eyes like they somehow held the answers more than my mouth could. Rosa-May pushed his face back from mine protectively with her chubby fingers. Pelo’s eyes were strained, his mouth fighting to turn down, despite his best efforts.

“I’m fine. I’m good actually.” Today, I was going to get my son and the dark blades of the chopper loomed with promise. “What about you?” I asked. Joseph’s arm crept over my shoulder and grounded me.

“I have no right to be as sad as I am. You,” he poked my chest and I stumbled back, “you have all the right, all the permission, to drown in your grief, yet here you are, stronger than ever.” So many pages of lies piled on top of each other they were as thick as a textbook.

I ran my fingers along the side of the craft. “Do we have the pilot?” I asked, changing the subject.

Pelo nodded, for once understanding that now was not the time.

Deshi approached us exclaiming, “Remarkable. She looks just like you, Rosa.” His expression was tired but cheerful. He held out his hand to Rosa-May, who inspected it and passed it back with a brief grin. She hadn’t said anything except ‘Toast,’ and ‘Jam,’ since yesterday, and it worried me. I pressed my cheek to hers. It was very cold.

“So you’re thinking what I was thinking, then?” Deshi continued. “This would be perfect.” He slapped the black plastic and the whole craft wobbled, distorting the reflection of the forest that called to me.

Jonathan appeared, inserting himself easily into the conversation. “Is it safe?”

I almost laughed in his face. Nothing was safe. I didn’t know what safe was.

Joseph spoke through tight lips, standing behind me like a solid wall. “I’m sure it’s fine, Dad.” Jonathan slapped a reassuring hand on Joseph’s back and chuckled.

He was about to say something when Matthew cleared his throat and called us to him. The Survivors pressed their backs into the trees, like me. It was reassuring. A reminder of home.

“We need to make a plan going forward. We have thousands of people here looking for guidance, support. We also have an unknown number who have fled into the forest. I know the original plan was to move onto the next town, but that seems impossible now. After the information Rosa and Gwen have given us about the new Superior Grant and after…” he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, grey strands belying unease, “after Olga, we have to assume that they will anticipate our pla

Scrabbling feet and muffled breathing.

Gus pulled the small man with the silver case by the collar, holding him off the ground like a kill to be ski

“I move that we stay put. Organize ourselves. Recruit and assist the citizens of Pau Brazil. I truly feel we shouldn’t risk anymore lives,” Matthew finished.

“Rosa would rock it!” Gwen shouted enthusiastically. Alarmed, I found her face and shook my head at her hopeful, dimpled expression. “…or not…” she muttered. I rolled my eyes to the sky, wondering whether she had just said that to get out of it herself. The clouds were streaked, combed up like a wave threatening to crash down over us, and it seemed fitting to our enormous task.

There was little discussion. A few murmurs. But everyone seemed to agree that I was a good spokesperson. Matthew invited Joseph and me to the front. I placed Rosa-May gently on the grass, the wet blades darkening her tights with moisture. I opened my mouth to speak and Jonathan interrupted me, both he and Pelo pushing their way to the front.

“Don’t you think these kids have been through enough?” Jonathan said, his voice secure. “It’s too much. Too much responsibility to place on such young shoulders.”

Stephanie “Mmhm-ed” in agreement, her body swaying as if she were a wispy, willow tree in the breeze, her branches clasped neatly in front of her.

“Wow,” I said before I could stop myself. Jonathan was being the parent in this situation, and it didn’t fit. It was too late for permission slips and groundings. I looked out on the concrete walls blown apart, the scattered souls unanchored, and considered it. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could hand over our troubles, our burdens to them? Could I just stop being the adult now? The temptation was there, wafting thinly in front of my eyes, teasing me. I blew it from my vision. Our childhoods were over. And I was okay with pressing my lips to that shred of time and kissing it goodbye. The arms wrapped around my legs, and the arms reaching for me from the mountains, made the choice not a choice. My task was to give Orry and Rosa-May some of what I’d had, and most of what I’d never had—a good childhood.

I blinked a few times at the expectant eyes before me, wondering why they even listened to me, and said, “I can’t agree with Jonathan. For better or worse, sadly, we’re not kids anymore. But there are other reasons why I’m not the best person for the job. Though, that’s not why I can’t accept your nomination.” In the crowd, a pair of green eyes framed with short, pale blond hair crinkled at my words. Elise smiled, and I smiled back warily.

“I can’t do anything. I can’t be anything useful until I have my son. If you don’t need the chopper, I would like to request it and the pilot to retrieve Orry, Hessa, and the others. I promise, when I return, I’ll help you as much as I can. In the meantime, I nominate Jonathan and Pelo.” They would do a much better job than I would. I was not the one to put faith in. I was like two smashed plates. Broken and mixed together so much that I didn’t know which piece went where or even where to start.