The Wounded

I sat down next him, feeling a cold pinch from the icy stones. “Whatchya thinking?” I asked, nudging his shoulder gently.

He turned to me, his face shrouded in murky, brown shadows. “You’re not mad?”

I shrugged. “No, not really. But you know I’m coming with you, right?”

He crept his arm around my waist and pulled me into his lap. “Yeah, I figured.”

He returned his gaze to the ru

“You’re just trying to work out how to leave, aren’t you?” I asked. It was the same thing I wrestled with.

“Yes.”

“Me too,” I said, resting my head against his chest as he smoothed wisps of my hair down on top of my head.

We both sat there for a long time, waiting for something to tell us it was okay. Maybe a revelation waited at the bottom of the water, like a pebble that would rise up and tell us that we were making the right decision. But nothing came.

We talked it over. Discussed it like a real, grown-up couple. This was the most important decision we would ever make.

In the end, it really came down to what we could live with. And we couldn’t live with this or like this anymore.

We grasped hands and climbed back towards our room where Orry was sleeping.

I stumbled over the black rock and slipped. I wouldn’t let go of Joseph’s hand, and it affected my balance. Fu

Joseph tugged my hand. “What so fu

I squeezed his fingers tighter. “Nothing. It’s just…”

“What?” He pulled me back and made me sit down. All I could see was a shadow that I knew was concerned for me, so I talked to it. Safely.

“Do you regret it?” I whispered, aware of the clinking and shuffling of people in their bedrooms. “I mean, my father sending you to me like he did…”

I could see a vague shaking from side to side. “Never.” My heart swelled.

I tapped my leg anxiously, nervous to ask the question. Just spit it out. “Can you tell me about him?”

He chuckled. “It’s taken you a long time to ask me that question, but why now? Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

I rolled my achy shoulders, wondering the same thing. “It’s because he makes me see red; I don’t know how to talk to him without anger getting in the way. Do you know what I mean?”

Joseph placed his hand on my leg and rubbed my thigh. “I do. What do you want to know?”

“All of it, but maybe start with why he sent you after me,” I said clearly, curiosity gaining momentum.

“Well, that’s easy. Because he loves you. I could see it in those weird eyes of his every time he asked about you,” he said, digging me in the ribs playfully with his elbow.

I snorted, even though I knew it was true. Because even if he loved me, it couldn’t have been much to leave me with Paulo.

“Ok, if that’s true, why didn’t he come find me?” My tone was turning whiny. I didn’t like it, but it hurt that he’d left me to fend for myself against the tyra

“He wanted to, I could tell, but he told me your mother had information on him that would get him killed. And if he went near you, she would report him.” I sighed. Of course, my mother knew what he was. And maybe, in her own weird way, she was trying to protect me. Dead wishes surfaced. She could have been here with me now.

“I wish he’d tried harder, found a way to see me, at least let me know he was alive,” I said, staring up at the reflective, black ceiling.

“I’m sure he regrets it.” Joseph sounded unsure. “But maybe there was no way to protect his secret and see you.” I folded the thoughts because they were useless to me now. There was always a way. Sometimes it was harder but if you wanted it enough, you just found the answer. If he had given up being a Spider he could have seen me, saved me from Paulo.

I leaned my head on Joseph’s shoulder and remembered the good. “I guess it doesn’t really matter now, does it? Tell me what he was like as a teacher.”

“Passionate, animated, unpredictable… like his daughter,” Joseph said, and I heard his lips pull over his teeth into a smile.

Like me. Could I take that as comfort? I took the similarities between us and used them as a flimsy string bridge. I just hoped it was strong enough to broach the gap between our past and where we were now.

Joseph told me stories of Pelo’s classroom antics, his genuine affection for my father rubbing off on me a little.

“I remember once we were learning about aviation. Rather than just stand in front of us talking, he had us construct paper planes. We had a competition to see which ones could fly the furthest and hit a target.” Joseph bowed his head and laughed. “You know what the target was, Rosa?”

“What?”

“The principal’s open window. I heard when she walked in and found her office full of paper planes he was suspended. But somehow he argued that the knowledge we gained outweighed the mess.” Yep, that sounded like me. In Joseph’s eyes, that was a good thing. In my mind, I wasn’t so sure. Joseph was lucky to have him as a teacher. I missed a lot.

“I’m pretty sure he just charmed his way out of that one, though…” Joseph muttered. Well in that sense, we were nothing alike. I couldn’t charm one of those monkeys out of a tree if I were made of bananas.

When we reached our hovel, Orry was still asleep. I put thoughts of my father aside. The relationship would either grow or wither, one way or another. I just had to resolve to see through the red when I looked at him, to see the flawed man who had made some mistakes but was trying. We had precious little time with our son now. I needed to lap up every image of him, his breath, his half-closed eyes, and the noises he made when he was sleeping, burying them in my heart until they were pressing painfully out of the chambers.

The monkeys drummed the cave wall, the floor, whatever they could find. They shrieked in excitement as Salim threw food and talked to them like they were people. I hung back, half-hiding behind a pillar, watching from a considerable distance. Joseph and Orry liked watching feeding time and exercise time, fascinated by the animals’ behavior. I just thought they were smelly creatures that were slightly more intelligent than rats.

When feeding time was over, Salim caught my eye from the back of the crowd and motioned towards me. “Coders, please, please, I have a gift for your journey.”

I moved slowly, suspiciously, towards him, the seas of monkeys parting as they grabbed their food and searched for a quiet corner to eat without another one stealing it from them. I got to him, Joseph and Orry behind me, and looked up at his dark, freckled face, noticing a black smear on his usually pristine coat. “Shouldn’t you be talking to Gus? He’s the one coordinating the mission.”

“Oh, in due course, young coder, in due course,” he muttered, almost to himself. “Now,” he hopped up and down, “follow me.”

We left Orry with Pietre and Careen, and followed the hopping, skipping former Superior out of the train station.

The world outside was crunchier. The frosted leaves underfoot no longer squelched and caught your foot, they snapped. Salim strode in front of us staring straight ahead with purpose. Joseph grabbed my hand and pulled me along the wide street that bordered the train station. Blasted-out shop windows shone in the filtered sunlight like sharp, angry fangs. I heard a can skittle and twisted my head back. My heartbeat picked up. Salim didn’t react. Joseph sca