Betwixt

"No! Nicole! Come on!"

I pull away from Jody, my heart splitting open at his cries.

"He's a really great guy." Jody's voice catches my attention. "I like him better than your other boyfriends."

"He's not my boyfriend," I murmur, unable to tear my eyes away from him.

"Well, he should be."

Sadness swamps me as I glance back at Jody.

"I guess he never can be now." I shrug my shoulders and turn back to face her... ready to join her in this mysterious life of light.

Jody raises her little hand and steps away from me with a soft sigh.

"If you went back, what would you do with your life?"

"I don't know."

Jody's eyes take on a granite quality.

"You've been punishing yourself for my death... partying, hanging out with people who don't care about you, dating guys who only want one thing."

She looks a little broken over it all.

I flush with guilt and look away from her.

"That would have to stop."

My air supply is cut short and I look over to her with wide eyes. What is she saying?

"Do you think you could do that?" Her question is said with a strong voice, way older than her nine years. I suddenly feel like the junior as I dip my head and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Nicky? Do you think you could?"

My brain ticks over with images of what my new life could be like. I'd have a few road blocks to face before I got to where I really wanted to be. Could I overcome them?

Eventually I nod.

"Yeah, I think I could."

"No more slips up?"

Her face is stern, her childlike i

I swallow my chuckle.

"I'll try."

"No, you have to promise. Promise me it will end."

The earnest seriousness in her eyes makes my mouth go dry.

"I promise." And I really mean it.

Her face flashes with disappointment and she nods.

"Then you have a choice."

My heart does a slow double thud before taking off like a race horse.

"I do?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "I'm allowed to give you a choice. I don't really want to."

She looks to the ground.

"It'd be great to have you up there and you'd be so happy. Life down there is really hard and your road to recovery is going to be long and painful."

She looks up, her big blue eyes glinting like a salesman's. A deep dimple appears on her left cheek and her lips twitch.

"But if you want to, you're allowed to return."

I study her for a long beat, knowing what she wants... then I look through the bubble back down to earth. Memories of my last few days caught between life and death flood my brain... Dale's smirk, Adam's pale fear, my Dad's guilty tears and my Mom's silent sorrow. I look up at the light and once again feel a tug towards it. It's stronger this time so I look away.

"What will happen to everyone I leave behind?"

"I can't see into the future." Jody shrugs.

I frown at her.

"But you just said my road will be long and painful."

Her eyes pop wide with an 'are you kidding me?' look.

"You've been hit by a car. I'm just using common sense."

Laughter bursts out of me before I can stop it.

"You always were smarter than me, Jo." I shake my head and look to my feet. The weight of the decision is huge. I've hated my life for so long and now I have the perfect escape, but...

I flick my watch strap a couple of times then look across at Jody.

"I really want to come with you." I force my lips to smile. "But I can't do it to Mom and Dad." I gaze through the floor and watch Dale urgently trying to resuscitate me. "I can't do it to him."

When I look back, Jody is gazing at me with a resigned smile.

"He told me you'd say that."

"Who?"

She shrugs.

"The one who believes in you."

My brows dip with confusion.

"Don't worry, you'll get to meet him one day, but for now just know that we're both watching you."

The thought that she might be talking about God flitters through my head. My brain flashes with a quick 'I don't believe in him', but it's followed by a swift, 'are you sure about that?'

I shake my head. That's a question for another day.

Stepping forward, Jody rises to her tip toes and wraps her arms around my neck.

"I love you, Nicky."

"I love you too." I squeeze back as hard as I can, enjoying the familiar feeling of my sister, wrapped in my arms. I try not to imagine what life would have been like had she not died and I then have to try extra hard not to imagine returning to earth without her.

She squeezes me back then pulls away.

"Remember your promise."

"I will."

Our parting smiles are filled with warmth and affection. My tummy rumbles with giggles as Jody turns away and does a few quick dance moves we'd worked on as kids. She turns back with a cheeky grin and then starts to float away from me. I watch her ascend. When she is once again a tiny dot, the bubble around me pops and I'm falling.

CHAPTER THIRTY

It’s hard not to scream as I rush towards the earth. All the pain that had been numb inside the bubble returns. My arm starts to scream, my knee starts to throb and my head is pounding as air rushes back into my lungs and I cough.

"Oh, thank you, God."

Dale touches his forehead to mine and whispers his gratitude again, placing a long, soft kiss on my forehead.

I try to open my eyes and look at him, but all I manage is a brief glimpse of his face next to mine. I close my eyes and wince as another cough makes my body spasm.

"It hurts." My words are slurred and I want to weep, but my body can barely function.

Dale brushes the hair back from my face.

"I know," he sounds as though he's feeling my pain, "but help's on the way. It'll be over soon, okay. We'll get you warm and safe. You're go

His voice is shaking. I feel his strong hand rubbing my good arm and his lips are once again on my forehead. "I think you have hypothermia, that's why your skin's so cold." He tucks his sweater more firmly around me. "Come on, Adam. Hurry up!"

His voice is starting to fade as blackness blurs the edge of my vision.

"No." Dale shakes me gently. "Stay awake. You're not allowed to sleep until the paramedics get here, you understand me?"

I want to nod, I want to say yes, but I can't do either. My tongue feels swollen and my cracked lips can't move.

I squint my eyes open and glimpse his agonized expression.

I so want this to be over.

My mind calls out for Jody.

"Let me come back. I've changed my mind."

Then those images from before whistle through my head. Gritting my teeth, I try to will my brain away from the liquid slosh that threatens to drown me.

I force my eyes open and search for Dale. Thankfully he looks at me. His smile is radiant.

"Hey. Stay awake, okay?"

"I can't," I whisper.

"Yes you can."

I grimace as I try to make sense of what he's saying. I need something to keep me here. I can't stand this floaty feeling tugging at my mind.

"Where's Jester?" I force the words out.