From What I Remember

Max’s voice has an edge to it, like he’s angry at me. Which is absurd. If anyone should be angry, it should be me.

“Excellent,” I say. “Thanks for clarifying that.” I turn around and stare at the road.

“You know what I don’t get?” Lily is not giving up the fight. “If you’re go

Before I have a chance to bite back, Will goes ballistic.

“Listen, you vile little rodent. Kylie has more intelligence, class, and God-given beauty in her pinkie finger than you’ll ever dream of having.”

“As if I care what you think,” Lily tells Will.

“Don’t go after Kylie, Lily. This is not about her,” Max threatens.

“What’s it about, then?” Lily demands.

“Us. You. Me.”

“I don’t get it.” Lily has now started crying. “Why are you defending her? If nothing happened, then why aren’t you taking my side?”

“There are no sides in this, Lily. Stop turning it into a war.” Max is talking to Lily but looking at me now.

I can’t stay silent any longer. “Lily, you have nothing to worry about. Okay? Max is all yours. News flash: I don’t want him.”

can’t stand Kylie. That’s not true. But I wish it were. It would make things a shitload easier.

How could I have thought she was anything other than completely psycho? How can she just stare at me like nothing at all happened last night? Sure, Lily’s arrival has thrown a wrench into things, but Kylie doesn’t even seem to understand what a tough spot I’m in.

Whatever we had is done. Finished. It obviously didn’t mean a thing to her.

Lily is crying harder now. I feel bad she had to walk into the middle of my nightmare. If only she’d stayed back in La Jolla like I wanted her to. Charlie and I could have gotten through this by ourselves. But with Lily and Will along, things are spiraling out of control. I’m not sure how to make things better, but I know I need to try. It’s the best course of action at this point.

I put an arm around Lily. “C’mon, Lil, it’s not that bad. It’s one sucky car ride, but there’s graduation, parties, and the whole summer to get psyched about.”

This seems to make Lily cry even harder.

Fu

“Lil, I’m sorry about all this. Try to calm down. It’s seriously going to be okay,” I say, knowing it’s pretty pathetic comfort at the moment. I wish I could go back to loving Lily and barely knowing Kylie existed. But it’s too late for that.

“No. It’s not going to be okay! Nothing is going to be okay ever again,” Lily shouts. “My life is over. Completely fucked!”

Whoa! This seems like an overreaction even for Lily. What’s going on? She looks so desperate, like something inside her has broken. That can’t be all about me, can it?

“This is going to be something we all laugh about in a few weeks,” I say, not entirely convinced that’s true. “You’re just being melodramatic—”

“I am not being melodramatic. I am being honest. For once. Things are bad. Worse even than they seem right now. My entire life is shit.”

“Lily, what are you talking about? Everything’s going to be fine. You’ll see, after graduation—”

“My dad is going to jail.” Lily says this between sobs.

“Your dad’s going to jail?” I say.

“Jail?” Kylie says.

“Seriously?” Will asks.

I pray Will doesn’t say anything else. I swear I will beat the shit out of him if he makes this worse.

“What do you mean? Why is he going to jail?” I put my arm around Lily. I need to get her to calm down, to talk to me. She’s really freaking me out.

“I just found out. Two days ago. But since you weren’t around all day yesterday, I haven’t been able to tell you. He’s been arrested for fraud, or money laundering, or, I don’t even know what.” Lily is sobbing. Hard. “I didn’t want anyone to know, but what does it matter? Everyone’s going to find out when he goes to trial.”

“Jesus Christ.” This is from Juan, in the way back. I’m sure he wished he never got on this crazy train to begin with.

“Lily, I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you.…” I say, at a loss for more words. There’s no way to make this right. It’s all so wrong. “How did you find out?”

“Mom unloaded everything last night. But things have been weird for a while. You never want to talk, so I didn’t say anything. Maybe that’s why you haven’t told me how sick your dad is. In fact, if I remember correctly, you said he was going to be fine. I guess that’s your fallback response. Everything’s going to be fine. Don’t worry. Be happy.” Lily is now half crying, half yelling at me. This has become a very private fight in the middle of a very public car full of people.

“I’m really sorry, Lily. I should have told you,” I say.

This is all coming at me too fast. I have no idea how to react.

hat have I wrought? I was just trying to teach Lily a lesson, but now the shit has really hit the fan, and Kylie seems royally pissed at me. Max just seems depressed, and Lily, as always, seems like a nasty piece of work, but at least she’s got some real live problems to moan about. Even I’m feeling sorry for her now. And what must Juan be thinking? He probably wants to get away from us, from me, as fast as he can. He’s ruing his decision to ever get in the car. Ruing the day he met me. Me and my big mouth. “Jesus, Max, if you and I could talk, really talk, maybe we wouldn’t be in this stupid, fucking situation in the first place,” Lily says, still crying, snot ru

“Maybe not,” Max says. He looks beaten down to a bloody pulp. Poor guy.

I need to introduce a cocktail of levity and a plate of titillating niblets into the mix. I created this mess. Now I’ve got to clean it up. Or at least brush it under the rug.

“I lost my virginity last night. To Juan,” I blurt out.

“No one cares,” Lily snaps.

“Will…” Kylie shoots me a warning look.

“What?” I say to her. “I was attempting to change the subject. Jesus, no medals for trying.”

No one says anything. I thought the least they could do was offer up a little congratulations. Lily is such a bitch. I take back my pity.

“You’re so selfish,” Lily says, obviously intent on blasting Max until he’s dust.

“Look, I’m really sorry about your dad. Really sorry about last night. Really sorry about everything. I don’t what know more I can say.…” Max offers.

“Lily, lay off Max. At least for right now. You guys need to talk about this, but alone,” Charlie cuts in.

“That’s right, Charlie. Defend your buddy. That’s pretty ironic, isn’t it?” Lily turns to Charlie.

“Okay, Lily, enough,” Charlie warns.

“Don’t you think it’s already gone too far, Charlie?” Lily is holding a box of matches and seems determined to torch the whole ship.

Charlie doesn’t say anything. Neither does Max, who appears to have shut down operations.

“You want more secrets?” Lily ramps it up.

Oh God, I’m not sure we can handle it.

“I don’t think we do, Lily,” Kylie says.

“Too damn bad,” Lily says. “Charlie and I hooked up yesterday, at Luca’s party.”

Yikes. Lily has lit the first match, it lays on the deck, waiting to catch fire.