Ruin

Wes cursed. “I need you to be prepared that if it—”

“Nope,” I interrupted as I kissed his cheek. “I’m not even going there. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Someone brilliant once told me that when you tell yourself you can’t do something, or even entertain the possibility, the body starts giving into defeat. It’s weak like that. The mind tells you that you may not make it, so you start to sink—”

“Hmm, sounds familiar.”

“I started sinking,” I explained, rubbing his cheeks with my thumbs. “I sank because I told myself I was drowning.”

“I’m not drowning.”

“And you aren’t sinking.” I kissed his mouth. “You’re floating, just like I floated. You just have to stay above water a little bit longer than most people, but I promise the end will be worth it.”

“Is there ski

I threw my head back and laughed. It felt good to joke with him. “Absolutely. Lots and lots of ski

“My favorite.” His lips were warm against my neck. I arched back as he trailed kisses down the side of my jaw.

I collapsed onto him and kissed him as hard as I could. We fell asleep talking and kissing. Every time I woke up I kissed him again, and every time I fell asleep it was to him kissing my hair, my neck, telling me stories.

Later Lisa and Gabe came into the room, we decided that the best way to not dwell on the future was to occupy ourselves. First we played BS, then we watched a few Christmas movies, and ate popcorn. Lisa fell asleep first, then Gabe, and then me. The last thing I remembered before my eyes fa

I fell asleep with a smile on my lips. Friends. Best friends. I had them, and I had Wes. I tapped the rhythm of his heart with my fingers, allowing the cadence to put me into a deep sleep.

Chapter Forty-Three

Most people die without experiencing even half of what I have in the past few months. Incredible. I have an incredible life. I woke up feeling thankful. Even with the cancer. I woke up feeling grateful.

Weston

I laughed when Kiersten moaned in my arms. It was time for my last dose of medication. They wanted to do one last cocktail before I went in for surgery the next day.

“How are you feeling?” Angela asked as she inserted the clear liquid into my IV bag.

“Like a rock star,” I lied. I felt nauseated and dizzy.

Angela laughed. “You look healthy, strong.” With a grin she pulled out her stethoscope and pressed it to my chest. “Good heartbeat.”

It was all the same, but for some reason she gave me more hope. Her eyebrows drew together, and then she removed the stethoscope and placed her hands on my chest. She closed her eyes and I could have sworn she started crying.

Awesome, so now I was hallucinating from the medication.

My tongue felt thick in my mouth. I pointed to my throat, and she immediately removed her hands and dropped something else into my IV. The thickness dissipated.

“Anaphylaxis.” She shrugged. “These drugs tend to do that, but now that you have epinephrine in your system, you’ll be able to take them.”

“Epi—what?”

“Fancy word for anti-allergy meds.” She winked. “And sorry about that. It’s just the craziest thing. Your heart… its rhythm is stronger than it was yesterday, that’s why I pressed my hand against your chest. Strange, really.” She shrugged. “At any rate, congratulations, Weston. This is your last dose of medication.”

“I don’t like the word last.”

Angela smiled warmly. “Remember what I said, sometimes the end is the begi

“Thanks, Angela.”

With a final nod, she walked out the door.

I stared at Kiersten’s hair, watched as it wound itself around my fingers. Flecks of gold shone through the strands. I closed my eyes and lifted it to my lips feeling the silkiness against my skin.

“You being creepy and smelling my hair again,” Kiersten said in a groggy voice.

“Not creepy,” I argued.

“Very creepy,” Gabe said from the chair. “I watched the whole thing and I am sufficiently creeped out.”

“It’s romantic, damn it!” Lisa all but shouted.

“So what? You guys were all awake while the nurse gave me my drugs and decided to fake sleep?”

“Nurse?” Gabe looked around the room. “Where?”

“She was just here.” I pointed to my IV the liquid was still seeping into my body, stinging as it made its progress around my veins.

“Weird.” Lisa scratched her head. “I didn’t see anyone, then again—”

“—then again,” Gabe interrupted. “You slept through Avengers twice. We can’t really trust your judgment on being perceptive or knowing when things are exploding in front of your face.”

“Thanks, cousin.” Lisa threw her jacket at his face. “So…” She turned to me and Kiersten. “What are we going to do today?”

“I don’t know, Brain, what do you want to do?”

“Pinky! Today, we’re going to take over the world!” Kiersten shouted from my arms.

Gabe started laughing so hard I thought he was going to fall out of his chair.

I choked on my own laughter while Lisa just stared at all of us like we’d completely lost it.

“You know, from Pinky and The Brain?” Gabe swatted her. “Seriously what type of childhood did you have?”

“One without cartoons.” Lisa shrugged.

“Well, that settles it then.” I rubbed my hands together. “Pinky and The Brain Marathon!”

“How do we even get our hands on those episodes?” Kiersten pushed to a sitting position.

“YouTube.” I shrugged. “And just in case you forgot, my dad is Randy Michels. Nothing a few phone calls can’t take care of.”

Kiersten rolled her eyes. “Fine, but I’m going to go shower before we take over the world.”

“Me too.” Lisa jumped up.

“Me too?” I asked.

Kiersten swatted me. “No nakedness until after your surgery.”

“Ah, and here I thought you wanted to make me happy.” I pretended to be sad while Gabe gave me the thumbs up.

“Once a player…” Lisa said hopelessly into the air.

“See you in a bit, boys.” Kiersten grabbed Lisa’s hand as they walked out of the room, leaving me and Gabe alone.

“Why were we never friends?” I asked after a few minutes of silence.

Gabe laughed. “Well, for starters. I don’t do sports, and you always had an entourage of people following you, which I’m guessing now had more to do with the cancer than anything else.”

“Yup.” I crossed my arms. “One was my shrink, the other was a bodyguard from when I was a kid — both were concerned that if I was left to my own devices I’d forget to take meds or off myself like my brother did.”

“Why an RA?” Gabe asked.

“He died.” I licked my lips. “His damn RA said he’d been suspicious of Tye for a while. He said Tye never participated in any activities and was often locked up in his room. But he didn’t tell anyone — didn’t think it was any of his business. I kept thinking that if maybe I was an RA I could help save some freshman.” I laughed. “Didn’t expect to fall in love with one.”

Gabe joined in the laughter. “Love is never expected.”

“What about you?”

“Are we really having this discussion?” Gabe scratched the back of his head and looked out the window.

“I guess we are.”

“I don’t do love… I don’t do relationships, not anymore.”

“Bad experience?”

“You could say that.” Gabe bit off a curse. Then he huffed out a long breath. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize it when it stares me in the face. She loves you.”

“I hope so.” Feeling insecure, I refused to make eye contact. “Because I love her too. Is that crazy?”

“Not any crazier than you talking to yourself this morning.”