Ruin

“No, sorry.” I laughed. “I just, I know this sounds strange, but I can’t tell how old you are.”

Her smile brightened. “We’re as old as we feel, right?”

“Right.” And I felt hella old. Especially after that morning’s round of medications. At least I didn’t have to swallow anything anymore. Nah, they just pumped all those fun drugs directly into my veins. Lucky me.

“Weston.” Her voice was crisp. “It’s going to be okay.” She grabbed my hand and patted it.

I looked at her name tag, Angela. It fit. She seemed more angel than nurse anyway.

“Thanks, Angela.”

She looked at me in confusion.

I pointed to the name tag.

She laughed. “Brilliant college boys.”

“What can I say?” I gri

Forty-one or forty-five. I was going to stick with that. She was probably the same age as my mom would have been before her untimely death. She’d had blond hair too. It was probably why I was acting like a lunatic. I wondered if the drugs did that to me, made me more emotional than normal.

“Sleep,” Angela ordered upon returning me to my room. “And I’ll be sure to wake you when your future wife arrives.” She winked.

I couldn’t trust myself to talk. Although I appreciated the nurse’s optimism, it fell on deaf ears. I was already starting to feel the cold seep into my limbs — as if death was coming for me and there was nothing I could do but wait for its all-consuming presence.

“God…” I choked on the word. “I know we haven’t talked much in the past few years. Hell, I told you I hated you when Tye took his own life.” I cursed again and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I don’t even care about myself anymore, just promise me she’ll be okay. If I don’t make it… if you take me, just let Kiersten be okay. She can’t go down that road — I don’t care if you have to punish me, God. If she’s going to suffer, give me her pain instead. If her heart’s going to break, break mine for hers. Please, God… please.” The drugs Angela had given me started to kick in, I fell into a dreamless sleep with that prayer repeating over and over again in my head.

Chapter Forty-Two

Three months ago I wouldn’t have been strong enough to go through this. Now? Now I felt like The Hulk — I’d hold his hand through it, we’d walk through the battle together and in the end, we’d still be holding hands.

Kiersten

“Should I be worried that you haven’t said one word since we’ve gotten in the car?” Gabe asked.

I shook my head. “Nah, just thinking.”

“Right, women and thinking. That never causes any problems for the human race.”

“Hilarious.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand. “Gabe?”

“Yeah.” He clenched my hand.

“Thank you.”

“Just doing my friendship duties. Think of it as a penance for my many sins.” He laughed. I could tell he was trying to make light of what he was doing. I didn’t know why it was so necessary that he constantly put himself down. But there it was.

“Above and beyond friendship.” I squeezed his hand and released it. “Though I am curious. Where are we going? I kind of want to be there when Wes wakes up.”

Gabe gri

“Video me?” I repeated, dread and fear mixed in my voice. “Video what exactly?”

Gabe just kept gri

About thirty minutes later we were pulling up to an old Bridge North of Seattle.

“Time to shine!” Gabe clapped his hands and nodded his head. “This is going to be epic.”

“I have a bad feeling.”

“No punking out. You’re doing this for Wes.” Gabe pointed at me and then stalked over to the bridge where a few people were setting some sort of contraption up.

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

“Kiersten,” Gabe said. “Meet the crew from Seattle Bungee. They’re going to be the ones making sure all the safety stuff in is order so you don’t go splat.”

“How reassuring,” I mumbled dryly.

“No worries!” A guy who appeared even younger than me laughed and slapped me on the back. “We do this all time. It’s our job. Haven’t lost one yet, though one chick did puke. But hey, as long as you face down, you’ll be fine.”

Palms sweating, I gave him a jerky nod.

Harnesses were passed out, along with helmets and carabineers. Oh, my gosh! Was I really going to do this? Shaking, I let the crew fasten my harness and then they co

“Look at me,” Gabe commanded.

I opened my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me.

“Wes wanted me to tell you something.” Gabes eyes welled with tears. “He said that no matter what obstacle you face…” His voice shook. “No matter how afraid you are — you can still make the choice to fight. You can still make the choice to walk through the fire — he said to do it afraid.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak as my throat was so thick with emotion it was hard to breathe.

“He said he’s not giving up — and neither should you.”

“I won’t,” I vowed. “I won’t give up.”

“That’s my girl.” Gabe kissed my cheek. Fu

“One…” Gabe whispered “Two…”

I clutched his body so tight I couldn’t breathe.

“Three.”

We fell over the side of the bridge, weightless. Completely weightless. I wasn’t even sure I was screaming, my mouth was open and then the bungee bounced. It held us, and we fell again.

Then the fu

I started laughing.

Then crying.

Then laughing again.

I’d done it afraid. I’d conquered my fear, and all because Wes believed in me enough to push me — just like I was going to push him. He didn’t want me to go into that dark place — never again. And I wasn’t going to let him either.

“Thank you,” I whispered into Gabe’s ear as we were jerked back up by the crew.

Gabe held my face between his hands. “What you two have — it’s a once in a lifetime — you fight for him, sweetheart. Fight for him with every last breath. No regrets, okay?”

“Okay.”

****

I laughed when Gabe handed over his phone to Wes. So apparently I had screamed — it sounded horrific, and I had to laugh. Poor Gabe, he was probably going to have ringing in his ears for days.

“Classic.” Wes laughed and then started coughing, I went to touch his arm and he gri

“Gabe, can you uh—”

“Lisa just texted anyway. She’s lost in the hospital, if I don’t find her she’s going to hit on one of the doctors and we really don’t want to see the ramifications of that.” With a salute he left the room.

“I did it.” I gri

Wes pulled me to his chest. I tucked my legs onto the hospital bed and laid my head against where his heart was beating. Fu

“What are you doing?”

I lifted my head and gave Wes a weak smile. “Oh, just keeping our time.”

His mouth found mine and then I was straddling him, throwing off my jacket to a heap on the floor. Wes reached around my neck and pulled me closer to him. He was weak from the medication, but everything about him felt so alive still, so warm.

“You’re going to fight this,” I said against his lips.

He sighed and kissed me hard. “I am fighting it.”

“Listen to me.” I pulled back and gripped his face with my hands. “No giving up. I won’t give up on you, so don’t you give up on you. Okay? This is not the end.”