Divine Misfortune

8

Teri’s day turned around after she talked to Lucky. It wasn’t as if everything corrected itself, but her bad luck faded. And some of that bad luck turned good. The technician sent to check on her computer said it was shot, and that it would have to be replaced. The outdated computer had always been temperamental. She’d been low on the replacement list, but now management had no choice but to move her to the top.

One of her bosses (she had several) noticed her disheveled appearance as the two of them shared an elevator ride. When Teri explained all the misfortune that had befallen her of late, they shared a chuckle. It wasn’t much, but it was an opening, a chance to make an impression.

She kept finding loose change underfoot, under desks, in drawers. Pe

A golden woman approached Teri’s desk around quitting time.

“Ms. Teri Robinson?”

A closer look revealed that the woman wasn’t just gold in color. She was actually made of the precious metal. Her skin, her hair, her eyes, and even her clothes all gleamed.

“Yes, that’s me,” said Teri.

“Hello, I’m Veronika, your Hephaestus Motors personal liaison. Veronika with a k.”

A handshake confirmed it. Veronika’s hand was smooth and cold as polished metal.

“Your car is ready, Ms. Robinson. Shall we take a look?”

“Already?”

Veronika’s beautiful face remained aloof, almost unreadable, but she raised a delicately sculpted eyebrow. “Yes.”

“What about the broken axle? The shop said it would take at least a week to fix.”

“Perhaps for mortal mechanics,” said Veronika. “Shall we go and inspect your car to see if it meets with your approval?”

Teri followed Veronika. Teri’s bare arm brushed against a golden sleeve. The metal “cloth” was cold but supple. Teri wanted to touch Veronika’s hair, but it seemed a little presumptuous.

The coupe was parked out front. It was Teri’s car, but polished and waxed. It didn’t look brand-new, but it was pretty close.

Veronika said, “Along with the axle, we took the liberty of some basic maintenance. Tune-up, oil change, spark plugs, and while we were at it, we added some improvements. The usual low-level package. I’m sure you’ll be very pleased with the results. We don’t usually work on automobiles with this much… character.” Veronika frowned. “Someone must have called in a big favor.”

“Lucky?”

“Indeed, you are fortunate. Mortals used to sacrifice droves of livestock for an improvement package like this.”

“No, I meant Lucky. My god Lucky.”

Veronika glanced at her work order. “Doesn’t say.” She paced the coupe, allowing Teri to inspect it. “We did what we could to increase fuel efficiency to a thousand MPG.”

“A thousand?”

“Yes, dreadful, I know, but the best we could manage with what we had to work with. We also coated the chassis with a high-quality adamantite-based glaze to protect against future dings, dents, and stains. The tires are an organic form of rubber very recently developed. Nearly puncture-proof and self- repairing, as long as you remember to water them regularly and allow them to get a few hours of sunlight a week.”

“I park in the garage,” said Teri.

“Might I suggest purchasing a sunlamp then.”

The car’s door swung open on its own and Veronika stepped aside to allow Teri to get in. The seat was warm and soft.

“Genuine faux gryphon hide,” said Veronika. “Finally, we threw in a navigation charm at no extra charge.” She pointed to the clear vial of green liquid hanging from the rearview mirror. A large yellow eyeball floated within it, and when Teri looked at the eye, it looked back.

Veronika thrust a clipboard before Teri. “If you’ll just sign here, Ms. Robinson, the car is all yours.”

“And that’s it?” asked Teri one more time, just to be sure. “All this is absolutely free?”

Veronika flashed a patronizing smile. “Yes, Ms. Robinson.”

Teri signed. Veronika sprouted a pair of solid platinum wings. They didn’t flap, but the golden woman rose into the air.

The door closed and locked, and the car started spontaneously.

The big eye bobbed, staring at her.

Veronika descended to earth. She tapped on the glass with a slender finger, and the window rolled down.

“I almost forgot. If you have any concerns or complaints, feel free to give me a call, day or night.” Veronika handed Teri a card. It, too, was gold in color, though made of paper. “We’ve also included a complimentary year of roadside assistance, so you’ll want this.” She gave Teri a small velvet bag that smelled of mint. “Just burn a leaf or two should the need arise.”

“Thanks.” Teri tried the door, but it didn’t open. “Not that I’m complaining, but how do I get out?”

Veronika reached into the car and flicked its eye. “Behave yourself now.”

The doors unlocked.

“I’m afraid the navigation charm can be a touch overeager. Just be firm with it.”

Veronika disappeared into the clouds.

Teri put her hands on the steering wheel. The car responded by moving her seat back so that she could barely reach the pedals. She tried adjusting it, but it didn’t budge.

The eye stared at her.

“Come on, now. I’ve had a long day, and I just want to go home.” She tapped the vial, not too hard. “Please?”

The car pulled into the street. She wrestled with the wheel and strained to hit the brakes. The car ignored her. It traveled a few blocks before having to stop at a red light.

“Stop!” she shouted.

The car killed its engine. The eye sank to the bottom of its vial, reminding Teri of a dejected puppy. Or at least a giant dejected puppy eye.

“I’d really like to drive myself. If that’s okay with you.”

The eye bobbed in resemblance of a nod as the seat slid forward to a comfortable position and the engine started just as the light turned green. She tested the gas and brake pedals. They were responsive.

She thanked the eye and started driving.

The radio came on and flicked to a country-and-western station.

“I’m not into country music.”

The charm picked another station playing the biggest hits of the seventies. Teri wasn’t crazy about that either, but the charm was trying so hard, she decided to let it go. Though by the time she made it home, she had absorbed enough disco to last a lifetime.

She parked in the driveway, deciding to wait until sunset to pull into the garage. Phil’s car was in good shape, too, with the same polished sheen and navigation charm hanging from the mirror.

Phil was in the kitchen. She slipped up behind him and gave him a hug.

“Hey, baby,” he said. “How was your day?”

“Better now.” She glanced down at the counter, where he was busy pi

“Hors d’oeuvres. Lucky wants to have a few guests over.”

“A party? Already?”

“It’s not a party,” said Phil. “Just some friends.”

Teri glanced around. “Where is Lucky?”

“He’s out picking up some decorations.”

“Decorations? For the not-party? The not-party with hors oeuvres?”

Phil hesitated. “Yes.”

“I thought he wanted to spend his first night here getting to know us better.”

“Change of plans, I guess.” He kept his back to her, working on the hors d’oeuvres. “This isn’t going to be a big deal, is it?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.

“Teri, he’s a god. They change their minds a lot, and our job is to keep him happy. So if he wants a not-party with hors d’oeuvres and decorations then we should probably give it to him.”

“You know what? You’re right.” She opened the fridge, found it stocked with a case of beer. She grabbed a longneck and twisted the top.