Divine Misfortune

With all the power of his god focused on him after that, he made a small fortune. It was more work. And messier. His god needed blood, and Worthington was the only one to make sure he received it. But Worthington developed a relatively risk-free system, and his prosperity continued. He could’ve remained comfortable the rest of his life. After five years, he realized it wasn’t enough.

He needed more.

His god was a jealous god, and all too eager to devour any offending souls. But Worthington had learned something in his dealings with the temple underground. There were civilized gods. And there were untamed gods. And, hidden away, nearly forgotten, with names whispered in fear by mortal and god alike, there were savage gods. Their powers were enormous, but their demands were of the most primitive variety. Blood and souls, chaos and madness. They wanted the heavens and Earth to run thick with gore, to see mortals and gods tear each other to pieces. To revel in a single moment of boundless, primeval terror. They weren’t above a little sacrifice either, but it did take something bigger than an elephant to get their attention. Fortunately, Worthington had the power and influence to provide it.

His old god wasn’t happy with the transition, but he didn’t make a fuss. And when the god of ugly death meekly backed down from Worthington ’s new master without so much as a whimper, Worthington knew he’d made the right decision.

He could make the President disappear with a single phone call or destroy cities with a three-word e-mail. Any woman he desired could be in his bed by tonight and out of his way by morning. No indulgence, no matter how ridiculous or absurd, was denied him. And though he didn’t actually indulge because, aside from his ambition, he was a very dull sort, he still appreciated having the power for power’s sake.

The only downside was his very cranky roommate, but Gorgoz usually stayed in the basement.

Worthington was in the middle of di

He pushed away from the table and walked through his exquisite and tastefully decorated house. He’d paid enough for the decorator’s services to know, even if he didn’t get it himself. But it wasn’t for him. He didn’t ever have guests. But if he did, he was sure they would be impressed. There were a dozen or so rooms he hadn’t visited, that he’d seen only as sketches a few years ago.

Along the way, he almost stepped on a spotted roach and a mottled, crimson serpent. He was accustomed to the steady stream of felines, rodents, reptiles, and insects coming in and out of the house at all hours. He’d had pet doors installed to accommodate Gorgoz’s spies, souls drafted into the god’s service. It was part of Gorgoz’s price. Servitude didn’t end with death. The lucky minions were transformed into shape-changing spies, scouring the world as the eyes and ears of Gorgoz. Worthington had no intention of spending his afterlife as a spotted housecat. He wasn’t keen on mortality and had plans in motion to avoid death. Nothing specific at this stage, but anything was possible for a man willing to take the right chances, make the right deals.

The ringing bell and the snake guided him, keeping him from getting lost in his own house.

“Coming!” shouted Worthington. “I’m coming!”

He descended the stairs. Gorgoz kept the basement dark with only a single hanging bulb and a big-screen TV lighting the dinginess. He sat slumped in his recliner. He rarely left the comfort of its five-speed massage settings. He even more rarely changed his clothes and never bathed. The room smelled of formaldehyde, seaweed, and nachos.

“What took you so long?” he asked, never turning his twisted face away from the television. Its light reflected off his bulbous fish eyes.

“I was all the way on the other side of the house,” replied Worthington.

Gorgoz snorted. A glob of neon blue snot rocketed from his nostrils and splattered the television screen. He held up his bell and shook it in a

“Yes, Master.” Worthington paused. He already knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway. “You haven’t seen Montoya around, have you?”

“Who?”

“The butler. The one I pay to… beer you.”

“Oh, him.” Gorgoz tapped his long black claws on his tusks. “I ate him. Is that a problem?”

“No, no. Not really. It’s just… Montoya was actually a pretty good butler, and good help can be hard to find.”

“I’ve had better,” said Gorgoz. “That one we had a couple of weeks ago, the Chinaman-”

“They’re called Asians now,” interrupted Worthington.

“The Asian was crunchier.” Gorgoz crushed his empty beer can and added it to the mound on the floor. “I like’em crunchy.”

“Yes, yes.”

“Do you dare question my judgment, Roger?”

“No, never.”

“Such insolence deserves swift retribution. You’re lucky Mary is on.” Gorgoz’s long tongue snaked out and licked the snot off the television screen. He swallowed it with a gulp, revealing the smiling image of Mary Tyler Moore. “If this wasn’t the clown funeral episode I’d get out of this chair and break your spine.”

Worthington suppressed a smile. Gorgoz talked a big game, but he needed Worthington. He’d made sure of that. Dealing with gods wasn’t any different from any other business contract. It all came down to leverage. Gorgoz had many followers, but none could equal what Worthington had to offer. Secretly dedicated slaughterhouses offered a steady tide of blood. Millions of dollars a year were burned in his god’s name. And millions more were used to support smaller cults scattered across the world. But Worthington made sure that none of these cults were self-sufficient, and that without his money, they would disappear. Without Worthington, there was no Temple of Gorgoz.

The savage god had existed, mostly forgotten and without influence, for thousands of years before Worthington had taken him in. He could always start over, but that would require him to get his butt out of the recliner.

“By the way, Roger,” said Gorgoz, “have you seen Le

“There are a lot of squirrels coming in and out of here every day,” observed Worthington.

“Le

“I’m sure he’s just ru

“Let’s hope.” Gorgoz growled, not at Worthington but just in general a

At the kitchen, Worthington discovered a bloodied and broken squirrel pulling its way across the linoleum. It should’ve been dead, but supernatural will compelled it to return, even if it had to drag itself with its one functioning limb.

“You must be Le

The squirrel held up its head and gasped, spitting up blood.

“He’s down in the basement. Where else would he be?”

Worthington dropped several beers into a plastic bag and tied it to Le

Worthington was willing to make many sacrifices for his god. Cold veal was not one of them.