Born of Blood and Ash

I couldn’t stop as Ash held me tightly to his chest. I shrieked my hatred against him as the floors trembled and the call of worried draken drew closer to the palace. I raged until my anger gave way to grief, and the tears no longer choked me but ran down my face. I broke, my screams turning into sobs that shook my entire body. At some point, those cries took on a different source.

Ash held me, his cheek pressed to the top of my head. He rocked us, assuring me it would be okay. That he was there and would always be there. Reminding me that he loved me. Telling me to let it out as tears fell for Ezra and Marisol. For all the lives Kolis had taken and the ones who’d perished because of my actions. I grieved for who I was before Kolis. Who we had been. Clutching Ash’s arms, I howled the agony of losing my mother and the small spark of hope that had been extinguished. And I mourned.

I mourned the knowledge that the realms would never be the same because of me.

Ash smoothed his hand over my head and ran his fingers through my hair. He’d been doing that for…I didn’t know how long.

We were still on the floor, me in his arms, my tear-stained cheek plastered to his chest. My head ached a little, but I had stopped crying. Finally. I had shed so many tears I didn’t think it was possible for me to ever cry again.

Like with Aios, I didn’t feel better after telling Ash everything, but I knew I would eventually.

We were quiet for so long that I flinched when I broke the silence with my hoarse voice. “Ash?”

He kissed the top of my head. “Liessa?”

The breath I exhaled was shaky. I was a little afraid to ask what I did next. “My mother…where is she now?”

Ash brushed his lips over my forehead this time. “She’s in the Vale,” he said. “I don’t think that’s what she deserves, but I thought that was what you would want.”

I squeezed my eyes closed. I was wrong. There were more tears. “Thank you,” I whispered, knowing how hard it must have been for him to send her to the Vale.

His arm tightened around me, and we fell into another stretch of silence. The weight of his hand and the feel of his fingers sifting through my hair were soothing, allowing my mind to clear. There was something else I needed to tell Ash, something I’d realized while in my nota form and had come to accept.

I would never be able to slay the monstrous side of me. I would only ever be able to wound it. It would always be a part of me.

Drawing in a breath, I sat back. Ash’s eyes opened and immediately found mine. “There’s something I need to say.”

His hand left my hair and swept down my back. “I’m listening.”

“I don’t want to lose control like I did again, but I know me,” I said. “I need you to promise me something, Ash.”

His hand halted on my lower back. “What do you want me to promise, Sera?”

A wry smile tugged at my lips. “You didn’t automatically say, ‘anything.’”

“I know better than to say that right now.” Tension bracketed his mouth. “What do you want me to promise?”

“I want you to promise you’ll stop me,” I said, and his features took on a blade-sharp edge. “I know me. I…I will lose control again, especially when it comes to Kolis.” I drew in a shallow breath. “When he came to Lotho, he…he killed almost all the draken there. He didn’t even seem to care if they remained loyal to Embris—to him—or not. Then he laughed, and—” I swallowed the lingering taste of horror. “He sang, and gods and godlings leapt to their deaths, Ash. Dozens of them. Maybe more. Thierran is the last oneirou now.” The hardest words came next, the reason it would erase every good intention I had. I rose, needing space to say what I had to. “He…he killed Ezra and Marisol. He snapped my mother’s neck with his hands.”

Ash tipped his head back, his jaw tensing.

“There’s more,” I said, my voice trembling as I spoke, even further proof of why I couldn’t be trusted to quell my rage. “He doesn’t just want Sotoria’s soul. He wants us to suffer like he has, and in the most messed-up way that I truly do not need to go into details with.”

Ash didn’t blink. He didn’t breathe. But his eyes turned into pure silver orbs.

“I ca

His entire body jerked back with a swift inhale. “Sera—”

“I know that what I’m asking is horrible. I know. And I hate that I’m asking you this. That I’m putting you in this situation.” Tears blurred his features. I turned and sat on the edge of the bed. “But you ca

He twisted toward me. “I will help you ensure it doesn’t get to that point.”

“I hope you do. But if you can’t?”

“I will,” he growled, pushing to his feet. He stepped back and thrust a hand through his hair.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “But if you can’t, Ash, I need you to stop me by…by any means necessary.”

He swore, and an icy wind whipped through the bedchamber, tossing my hair across my face. “Do you realize what you’re asking of me?”

“I do.”

“I would have to put you in the ground, Sera. Into stasis. I would have to—” Eyes closing, his fisted hand went to his heart. “I would have to hurt you.”

I could see that this was hurting him. “I’m sorry. I know what it would do to you, and I hate that. I hate that I’m even asking this. But whatever pain you would cause would be momentary. The pain I would cause if I lost control again would end me, Ash. It would. I wouldn’t be able to come back from it. Please,” I whispered. “Please, promise me.”

He was kneeling before me in a heartbeat, the tips of his fingers chasing away the tears. Hands trembling, he rested his forehead against mine and shuddered.

Neither of us spoke for several long moments. When he did, pain coated each word, but so did love. Not the blind, foolish sort, but real love. The hard kind. “I promise,” he rasped, his voice thickening with barely checked agony. “I swear I will stop you—” His voice cracked, and I felt the dampness of his tears mixing with mine. “I will stop you from seeking vengeance.”

The air shifted and charged, responding to the oath made by a Primal. I felt it in my bones—the promise becoming an unbreakable vow that would remain until we entered Arcadia.