A light in the flame

It was me who ended it. “I found where Delfai is.”

“I know. Nektas told me. He’s in Irelone.”

“Then I need to go there—”

“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” he interrupted, taking a deep breath. “I mean, that’s not what I’m here for.”

The impenetrable emptiness felt more like a veneer in that moment. “What is it that you want to talk about?”

He came forward about a foot before stopping. “I’m sorry.”

Every muscle in my body locked up. “For the compulsion?” I waved my hand. “I didn’t like it, but I understand why you did it. I doubt anyone wants to rebuild this palace.”

His brows pinched as his gaze swept over my features. “I do need to apologize for that. I don’t like to use it, even when it’s necessary.”

“I know.”

Eather stilled in his eyes as he stared at me. “But I’m apologizing for what you thought you saw.”

Disbelief rocked the emptiness, threatening to shake it up. “I know what I saw.”

“You don’t.”

Anger sparked, but I refused to let it ignite. I knew it wouldn’t stop there because a far more dangerous emotion loomed behind it. One that hurt. One that could hurt others. “I saw you with the Primal you called the worst sort in your lap. She was riding you as she drank from you. Is that not what I saw?”

“She wasn’t—” Tension bracketed his mouth.

“Wasn’t what? Tell me how what I saw wasn’t what it looked like,” I demanded. “That it wasn’t the first time it’s happened.”

His gaze sharpened. “What was said to you?”

“Does it matter?” I thought of Bele’s confusion over why he would allow this. Of my own. “So, this wasn’t the first time?”

He stared in silence for several moments. “No.”

I already knew that. I didn’t even know why I’d asked. Didn’t know why I continued to open my mouth. “Why were you with her?”

The glow dimmed in his eyes. “Because I was.”

“Because I was,” I heard myself repeat as I stared at him. A shocked laugh left me as my stomach pitched. “That’s all you have to say?”

He turned his head away. Silence.

Of course, he would go silent now. I felt another spark of fury, stronger than before. “When I made that deal with you—pleasure for the sake of pleasure—I should’ve made the same demand you made of me. That such intimacies remained only between us. My mistake.” The embers in my chest hummed as I forced a deep, slow breath in and out of my lungs. But the anger let some of the bitterness seep from the box and rise to the surface. “Or, at the very least, discussed who else you would be sharing such intimacies with so I could be prepared in case I happened to walk in on something hours after telling you that I wanted to be your Consort.”

He flinched.

The Primal actually flinched. I should’ve celebrated the blow I’d intended to land, but I couldn’t. It didn’t feel good. I rose and walked to the fireplace. “We don’t need to discuss this.”

“I think we do.”

“We don’t. Because I don’t care.”

“That’s not true,” he argued, and I turned, not even surprised to see that he had followed in that a

I stepped back, a physical reaction I couldn’t stop because he sounded genuine. Like he really did know that he’d hurt me. That I had a reason to be hurt. Somehow, him acknowledging that was so much worse than I could’ve imagined. I felt the veneer becoming even more fragile. “Don’t apologize,” I said, finding my voice as I folded my arms over my chest. “What you hurt was my ego. That is all.”

Nyktos shook his head. “Sera—”

“It is I who is sorry.”

He jerked, his eyes widening. “For what?”

“For what you think you know,” I parroted his words. “I was foolish and naïve to believe you when you said there had been no one before me. I should’ve seen right through that the first time we were together. That is how you hurt my ego.”

His nostrils flared. “That wasn’t a lie.”

“I think it’s time for you to stop lying.”

“I’ve wanted no one but you, Sera.”

I laughed, the sound cold as I refused to let his words sink in. Because I couldn’t trust him, and I couldn’t trust what I would do with those words.

“I know what you think you saw, Sera, but we were not having sex,” he said, his eyes flashing an intense silver as my gaze snapped to his. “If you think you saw that, you are wrong. I have absolutely nothing to gain by lying.”

I backed up but then stopped. I wasn’t sure what he had to gain by lying, nor was I sure what I had to gain by the smidgen of relief I felt. “Then what did I see?” I asked again because, as I’d already proven, I was a fool.

A muscle ticked along the curve of his jaw, and I let myself glance at his throat. There was no bite mark, but I could still see it in my mind. “What you saw is…it’s complicated.”

I inhaled deeply, confused and rapidly losing control of my hold on my anger. “Again, that’s all you have to say? Don’t even bother answering. I don’t care that you were with her. That’s not—” I stopped myself with another laugh. Stop lying. I stiffened, realizing there was no face to save. When I lost control under the palace, I’d laid myself bare. “You know what? Seeing you with her did hurt my feelings. I don’t know why. It shouldn’t have. You have made no promises to me. And I have asked none from you. This union between us was never something that either of us desired. We don’t need to discuss what you were or weren’t doing any further. I know what I saw. You’ve apologized. It is what it is.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means the deal we made? It’s over. The only thing between us now are these stupid embers. I want them gone, and then I want to be gone.”

He took a measured step toward me. “Gone from what exactly?”

“From here,” I said. “From you.”

Hollows formed beneath his cheekbones. “You can’t be gone from me.”

I stiffened. “If you say that because I must become your Consort, I understand all the reasons why. But I will be that in name only. And once you remove the embers and Kolis is defeated, I want out of this. I want my freedom. That’s the deal I should’ve made with you.”

Eather churned in his eyes. “Is that the deal you’re asking for now?”

I lifted my chin, holding my arms tight against me to stop them from trembling. I had to, or that shaking would move into my chest. And I had to say what I did next because I couldn’t feel that hurt again. I couldn’t lose control. “Yes.”

Nyktos went completely still. “Then so be it,” he said, and the words felt like an oath.

A bond.

Unbreakable.

Chapter 32

“Are you sure you’re well?” Orphine asked, glancing at me as we walked toward the stairs the following morning.

This was the second time she’d asked, and both times she posed the question, I had been surprised. “I’m fine.”

Orphine said nothing to my response, but doubt settled into her features. She didn’t believe me.

I was tired and not in the greatest mood. I’d barely slept the night before, and I wasn’t sure if that had to do with being unconscious for three days or my conversation with Nyktos.

Or how I kept looking at the adjoining door, wondering why Nyktos suddenly no longer believed he needed to keep me within arm’s reach.

And hating myself a little for even wondering that.

But I was fine.

Empty. Blank.

Which was perfect. I had plans. Something I’d decided in the midst of my marathon pacing session during the night. I needed to discuss traveling to Irelone, and I would do so with the utmost maturity and detachment.