Binding 13

"I didn’t touch her." Shifting uncomfortably, I muttered, "But I wanted to." I dropped my head in my hands and groaned. "After Biddies, I knew I needed to drop her home, but I couldn’t, Gibs. I fucking couldn’t. So I took her to the bleeding cinema instead. I just…needed more time with her, you know? Like, it wasn’t enough. I needed more…"

"More?" He cocked a brow. "More of what, Joh

"More of her," I replied glumly. "It's all more when it comes to her." I shook my head and sighed heavily. "Jesus, I want her so fucking bad I can't think straight, Gibs."

"Balls," Gibsie mused.

"And I beat the living shit out of some prick from her old school at the bar," I admitted.

"You fucking idiot," Gibsie snapped. "Did anyone see?"

"Liam," I muttered, tugging on my hair. "I lost it, lad. They said something about her, and I lost complete and utter control of my senses."

"You're lucky it didn’t get back to De

"Yeah, Gibs," I grumbled. "I'm well aware of how close I came to screwing myself."

Don’t need anyone else to tell me…

"And yesterday?" he asked. "At your house? What was that about?"

I shook my head and sank back in my chair. "Her Ma had a miscarriage."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"Is she okay?"

"I don’t know." I shrugged helplessly. "He took her away from me."

"Who took her?"

"Joey, the hurler."

"Well, he is her brother, lad," Gibsie offered. "He was obviously going to come back for her."

"I don’t give a shite," I snapped, thinking about her bruised face. "I didn’t want her to leave, Gibs, and he just took her away from me. And I let him!"

"You do know that you're not allowed to keep humans as pets, don’t you?" he asked in a wry tone. "You know that's just dogs and cats, right?"

"Fuck. Right. Off," I growled.

"Relax," he muttered. "I was messing with you."

"Well it's not fucking fu

"Well, lad," Gibsie finally said, blowing out a breath. "On a bright note, at least you can finally admit that you like her."

"But I don’t want to bleeding like her," I bit out. "That's the whole point. I don’t have time for liking her. I can't have her taking up my headspace, Gibs. You know what's at stake for me. I need to stay on track, and that girl makes my mind stray so far off the beaten track it's ridiculous."

I'm already in trouble.

"Well, obviously, you don’t have any control of that," Gibsie responded in an oddly serious tone. "Can't help who you like, Joh

"Not my life," I argued weakly. "That's not how I work."

"That's how we all work," he corrected.

"Thing is, Sha

"Fragile?"

"Fragile," I confirmed, unwilling to give any more information.

"Is it because of whatever you read in that file?"

I glared at him, tensing.

"Relax," he coaxed, holding his hands up. "I never read it. I just handed it back to Dee."

I exhaled heavily and nodded. "Just believe me when I tell you that girl is a line I ca

"Then don’t," Gibsie replied after a long pause. "If she's messing you up this bad when you hardly know her, then you're better off walking away now, lad."

"That's the thing, lad…I don’t know if I can," I admitted hoarsely. "You know what I'm like when I get something into my head. I lose the run of myself and go all in."

"I sure do," Gibsie chuckled. "You bulldoze. Everything and everyone that gets in your way."

"Well, stop me!"

"Stop yourself," Gibsie snorted. "Flex that famous self-control." Gri

"You don’t get it, Gibs. Last night almost killed me. I swear, I spent the entire night wide awake, staring at my keys and forcing myself to stay in my bed and not drive over there and bring her home with me," I admitted glumly. "I don’t have an ounce of self-restraint when it comes to her – which is why I need your help."

"So, what are you asking me to do here, Joh

"I'm saying that if you see me bulldozing over any lines, pull me back," I bit out. "I don’t trust myself around her."

"You do realize that the lines that exist between the two of you are the ones you've drawn in your head?"

"I can't go there with her, Gibs, and I won't."

"You're serious?"

I nodded. "She's too fucking dangerous to me."

"Because?"

"I just told you!" I snapped.

"No." He shook his head slowly. "You basically just went around in circles there, lad." Shrugging, he added, "I haven't heard a decent argument against her yet."

I didn’t answer him for three reasons.

The first, he wouldn’t understand.

Second, he wouldn’t believe me.

Third, I wasn’t sure I believed me.

"So, you're happy to just step back and watch McGarry or some other clown at school make a move?" Gibsie asked then. "You're completely fine with that?"

The way my body automatically coiled tight with tension was enough of an answer.

"She's a gorgeous girl, Joh

"No," I snarled, tensing.

It was all I could say.

Just plain no.

"And you're sure you don’t want to try the whole girlfriend thing out with her?" he asked.

"It wouldn’t work," I groaned. "Aside from the fact that I'm too old for her, and she probably doesn’t feel the same, I'm too busy and too unavailable to commit to anything even remotely resembling a relationship."

"Says who?"

"You know what my life is like, Gibs." I exhaled another heavy sigh. "You know why I'm unattached. It's too much pressure and I can't afford to lose focus. I don’t have a spare hour in the day, and once the summer comes, I'll be out of here." I shrugged helplessly. "How's that fair on any girl?"

"True," Gibsie mused. "But she's clearly not just any girl."

"Exactly," I gritted out. "She's too… more …too… better…important –" Breaking off, I rubbed a hand over my face. "It would never work," I finally said, tone weary. "I would end up leaving, they would write a ton of shit in the papers and online like they always do while I'm gone, she would get paranoid, I would get pissed, she would end up getting hurt, and we would both end up completely fucking miserable."

"Whoa," Gibsie breathed. "You've thought about this a lot, haven't you?"

Every minute of the day since I first laid eyes on her.

I nodded glumly.

"Then be her friend," he offered.

I snapped my head up. "Her friend?"

"Yes, asshole, her friend," Gibsie drawled sarcastically. "You are aware of the concept of friendship? Believe it or not, you're actually fairly good at it. And if anything more is off the cards, and you can't stay away from her, then the friendship card is your best bet."