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"But she's a girl, Gibs."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Joh
"I don’t have any girls who are friends."
"Well then, she can be your first."
I pondered the thought.
Could I be Sha
Could I just be her friend?
"Friends," I repeated, lifting my gaze to his. "I guess I could give it a shot?"
"Now you're talking," Gibsie encouraged with a pleased smile.
I could be her friend.
I would be a good friend to her.
I could make life easier for her.
I wanted to do that for her.
"But what if she doesn’t want to be my friend?" I asked, feeling that unfamiliar swell of uncertainty that seemed to accompany any thoughts I had of that girl.
"Keep that pathetic, shit-talk up and I won't want to be your friend, you big vagina," Gibsie snorted. "What if she doesn’t want to be my friend," he mocked and then snorted, "Go home and find your balls – remember who the fuck you are – and while you're at it, have a pull on your dick, too. Even if you pass out from the pain, having an orgasm has to be worth it."
"So, you'll help me?" I asked, choosing to ignore his last jibe.
"Have an orgasm?" Gibsie shot back with a shake of his head. "I love you, lad. But not enough to get you off."
"Fuck off," I grumbled.
"Relax," he laughed. "I'm joking."
"Yeah, my life's a big fucking joke to you, isn’t it," I snapped.
"Don’t be so touchy," he snickered.
"Gibs," I warned. "I'm not fucking around here. I need you to help me with this."
He let out a heavy sigh. "If it's what you really want?"
No.
"It has to be," I croaked out.
"Fine, lad, I'll help you," Gibsie replied with a sigh. "Even though it'll never work, you're doomed to fail, and I'll more than likely end up giving the best man speech at your wedding at some ridiculously young age because you'll have bulldozed the shit out of things, but for now, I will absolutely help you bury your head in the sand."
"That's not fu
"I know," he replied – while he laughed his arse off. "It's hilarious."
"Not even a little bit," I groaned.