Binding 13

Less than ten minutes later, Gibsie returned with a sheepish expression.

"It's not a word," he a

"I know," I deadpa

"I just don’t get it," Gibsie groaned, plopping into the armchair across from mine. "How is it not a word?"

"Gibsie, please!"

"I just want the word, Joh

"Fine, it's your word," I agreed, exasperated. "You can have it. Fucking call the Oxford Dictionary and trademark the bleeding word for all I care. Just help me."

"Yeah, well, I might just do that," Gibsie huffed, ru

I exhaled a heavy sigh. "I like her."

"Okaaay," he drawled. "Tell me what the problem is?"

"That's my problem," I bit out. "I like her, Gibs. I think I really like her, man. Like really as in a lot. A lot more than fucking like. Christ!"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Still not seeing the problem here, lad."

"I. Don’t. Want. To. Like. Her," I spelled it out for him, fresh out of patience now.

"Because she's fifteen and you're seventeen?"

"She's sixteen," I admitted with a groan. "Her birthday was yesterday."

"Then you know the age thing is horseshit, don’t you?" Gibsie countered. "You're clutching at straws, lad. The age thing is a big fat excuse because yer one Sha

"I am rattled," I admitted without hesitation. "Completely fucking rattled."

"This is brilliant," Gibsie chuckled gleefully, thoroughly enjoying my rare breakdown.

"It's not a laughing matter," I snapped.

"Are you kidding me?" he snorted. "It's the fu

Noticing my murderous expression, he stopped laughing and gestured for me to continue.

Jerking forward, I ignored the pain in my groin and rested my elbows on my thighs. "I drove her home the other week, lad. She missed her bus over that stunt McGarry pulled outside the bathrooms, and I couldn’t leave her there –"

"And you're only telling me now?" he accused.

I shrugged helplessly. "I know I should have walked away, but I didn’t. I put her in my car and we talked – for hours. And not just about rugby, Gibs. About all random, pointless bullshit that should have bored me to tears. It didn’t. It was just like that day when I knocked her out and I spent an hour outside Twomey's office talking to her, except better because she was in her full senses. She is so goddamn easy to talk to, Gibs. Like you wouldn’t believe." I released a heavy sigh and said, "I didn’t want to let her go, lad."

Gibsie rubbed his jaw. "Shit."

"Exactly." Leaning forward, I loosely clasped my hands together and stared at my best friend. "In all the years you've known me, Gibs, when has that ever happened to me?"

"It's definitely a first for you," he agreed, expression thoughtful.

"It gets worse," I grumbled.

"Worse?" He frowned. "How?"

"I told her about my surgery."

Gibsie's brows shot up. "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack." I blew out a frustrated breath. "I told her everything and then I lost my shit on her."

"Why?"

"I panicked, Gibs," I shot back defensively. "It slipped out and I totally fucking panicked. You know what would happen if word got back to the U20's coaches that I'm not fully fit."

Not that it mattered much now, I thought bitterly. If I didn’t get my shit together, my dreams were down the drain.

"And you think she'd talk?" he asked.

"Honestly, no, man. I don’t think she's the kind of girl who talks about anybody," I told him. "But I'm always so careful, and I lost my head and it freaked me out. I was more a

"So, you screwed yourself?"

"You would think," I mumbled. "But then she walked up to me at school the following morning and apologized to me."

"Why?"

"Fuck if I know, lad."

"Did you set her straight?"

"Couldn’t, she walked off before I had a chance, " I muttered. "And then I did it again on Friday."

"Did what?"

"Put her in my car," I admitted.

"Well, shit."

"And then I went one further."

"How?" Gibsie eyed me warily. "What did you do, Joh

"I dropped her home." Expelling another frustrated breath, I sagged back in my seat and groaned. "But then I snatched her back."

"What the fuck?"

"I know," I barked. "I know."

"How do you snatch a girl, Joh

I shrugged helplessly. "Fuck knows, but I did it."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn’t let her go," I admitted truthfully, keeping out the part about Sha

"Did you ride her?"

"What did I just tell you about my dick?"

"Okay, did you try and ride her?"

"What–no!" I barked. "I took her to Biddies, asshole."

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Gibsie shot back. "This is me you're talking to, lad. I'm well fucking aware of what goes on at the place." Snickering, he added, "I'm usually in the middle of it."

"No, I didn’t bleeding ride her. And don’t say ride."

"Why not?"

"Not about her." Leaning back, I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "Just…not about her, okay?"

"Alright, did you make sweet love to her?" he taunted. "In the carpark? Or the toilets? Or that sweet spot in the back of the lounge?"

"You are a gobshite," I growled. "A complete and utter gobshite."

"Oh, my Jesus!" Gibsie cringed and slapped a hand across his mouth. "Oh no," he groaned. "It wouldn’t work, would it?"

"My dick works, Gibs!" I snapped. "I get hard, asshole. It just hurts when I –"

"When you what?" he asked, eyes wide.

"I can't finish," I muttered.

"You can't come?" he choked out. "Like at all?"

"I mean, I suppose I could if I tried." I sighed dejectedly. "But the last time I tried it was so painful that I puked my guts up and almost passed out."

"Jesus. When was the last time you tried?"

"St. Stephen's Night."

"Holy shit," Gibsie gasped. "Joh

"Don’t you fucking think I know that?" I bit out. "It's not like I'm enjoying this, Gibs."

"That's u

"Yeah, Gibs, it's my dick. I'm well aware how abnormal it is."

"No wonder you're limping," he muttered. "Your balls are so full of spunk they're weighing you down."

"Not fucking fu

"Oh, Jesus. What if they sewed you back together wrong?" he hissed, eyes bulging. "Fuck, lad, what if they snipped a sperm chord when they were messing around near your ball sac?"

"A sperm chord?" I gaped at him. "The fuck kind of drugs are you taking?"

"I read up on that procedure, you know," he stated, looking horrified. "So many things can go wrong–"

"No." I shook my head, burying my terror. "They can't."

"Yeah, lad," he choked out. "They really fucking can. They cut you so close to your –"

"Can you stop!" I barked, shuddering now. "Jesus Christ, I can't hear this."

"I'm sorry." Smothering a grimace, he waved a hand at me and said, "Finish telling me about what happened with Sha