Garden of Sins

26. What this is really about, Alayna

Caden

I park in the driveway in this perfect suburb, in front of this perfect house, and behind the perfect white garden fence. It is 6:20 when I arrive because I took my time. Keaton wanted me to show up at 6:00, which is exactly why I didn’t. I’m not like all of you, Alayna, I’m the one who says what’s going on. I’m not one to submit or comply, not even to Granddad, even if my balls shrivel a bit as I turn off the engine. Keaton Rush is merely Keaton Rush. He had his methods during our childhood and when Dad didn’t like us anymore and couldn’t get along with us, he sent us here. I don’t want to talk about what happened in this house.

A cigarette butt hangs from the corner of my mouth as I get out and sigh from boredom before slamming my door so that everyone can hear that I’m here. There is nothing like a grand entrance. I guess I got that from my father.

I don’t like to be separated from you now, of all times, because so much has happened between us, Alayna.

Actually, I wanted to make you my masterpiece from the first day I saw you. I wanted to manipulate you and shape you exactly the way I needed you to be. Of course, I had to get to know you first. In the process, I noticed more and more that you are already perfect as you are and that to change you would be a sin.

You have been tense the last few days because you are slowly realizing something is wrong, but it is too late to run away. I can’t let you go anymore. I will not let you go anymore even if I try to push you away because I’m not good for you since there is something destructive inside me, as you have probably already noticed. These two sides are clashing inside me now and I have no idea which one will win. I adore you too much and don’t want to break you, which is why I should let you go. That’s what one side says, but the other wants to push you further and further to see how much you can still take.

Usually with me, women are like restoring a house — an old building. You renovate the rooms you don’t like and furnish them the way you like. You keep the charm of the house. You have your charm, baby girl. I have to admit that I like it.

I just hope that nothing happens to make me extremely unhappy because nobody wants me to be unhappy. And I don’t want you to see me like that.

Melissa made me extremely unhappy back then — then I made her extremely unhappy.

And because my father knows me and knows how quickly I fall apart and how unpredictable I am at the moment – which he has clearly noticed over the last few days – I stand before the perfect, white front door and ring the bell. I do that, although I know he knows I am here. Nevertheless, Keaton Rush will now punish me by making me stand here for at least three minutes. It’s hot and I’m a

“Keaton.” I greet him by his given name because I find the word granddad ridiculous for him. He doesn’t look like one and he’s certainly not one of those trembling, white-haired, wrinkled little gnomes. Besides, he hates to be called granddad. He accepts it only with an eye roll. He is vain and does not want to be addressed like an old man. Keaton, on the other hand, he likes and I have to make sure that he likes me today because he seems rather pissed off.

“You are twenty minutes late. I don’t like tardiness, Caden,” he states.

“Traffic,” I lie and try to push my butt past him. He grabs me by the shoulder and nods at the cigarette.

Sighing, I flick it behind me, far enough away from the grass so that it lands on the curb. Only then does he let me enter.

“Kitchen. Sit.” Oh, I love how warmly I’m always welcomed here, I really do. I stroll into the kitchen and sit down at the table. “Shoes off.” Like a soldier, I get up again and go back into the hallway where I take my shoes off. Do you understand where my mind games come from, Alayna? Very well.

“Sit!” Of course, sir.

“I’m thirsty,” I state.

“Tough luck. Earn it.”

Ah, yes. Now I’m his little bitch. I get it.

Keaton Rush sits across from me. This house is spotless. It’s not like back home where we live in chaos, with dirty socks and Ava’s hairbands with strands wrapped around them lying everywhere. Her hair and beauty products are scattered all over the house and in between are Mom’s photos and Dad’s guns. So, it is really no place for kids.

He stares at me, Alayna, with those fucking scary eyes that never tell you what’s going on behind them. I’ve been trying to perfect this look all my life, but I’m not there yet. I still have so much to learn from him. He is a god in my eyes, that is the only reason I am here.

I hold to his gaze.

Ava makes it exactly five seconds and Carter lasts a minute. I can do it as long as he wants to challenge me, just like Dad, because he’s already been through everything with that man.

Keaton puts one elbow first, then the other on the table and crosses his arms, leans forward, and tilts his head to the side, studying me more closely. I’m tempted to imitate the pose but remain as I am even though I would like to crack my neck because he makes me nervous. I hate to be nervous, but I don’t show it.

At least, I manage to do that.

“When you’re done with her, there will be nothing left of her that you supposedly loved about her,” he blurts out, but I knew he would get straight to the point because he never makes small talk. I bet Dad, that tattletale, couldn’t wait to tell him everything that was going on around here.

I mirror his tilted head. “I love it when there’s nothing left of them,” I say and tilt my head to the other side. “I love it when I see fear in their eyes.” I rest my chin on one hand. “And I love it when I only have to snap my finger to get her to take off her dress. I don’t think it diminishes my supposed love, it only makes it stronger.” I’m not hurting you, Alayna. And you’re not truly afraid of me. But if Granddad wants to think I’m a crazy psychopath, there is nothing I can do.

“So you’re trying to break her,” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Hmmmm...maybe. I do not know yet. But I love this game. How confused she looks at me because she doesn’t know if I’m Caden or Carter, and she asks me if she’s losing her mind because there were two of me and then suddenly, only one when the lights went out. It’s so amusing.” They don’t have anything else to laugh about, Alayna. And none of them have a clue.

I bend over. “Admit it, if you had had the same opportunity at my age, what would you have done?”

“The same as you,” he replies unemotionally.

“I knew you would understand. You’re the only one who is exactly like me.”

“Let me tell you something. Do you know what your father did to your mom?” Oh, no, story time.

“I’m listening.”

He glances up at the ceiling and I realize I’m not going to like what comes next. “I don’t know which story to tell first. Perhaps the one where he chained her in our living room to punish her for something she did?”

“What?” I make a disgusted face and my mask collapses.

“Or that he punched her because he couldn’t control himself. Or that he terrorized her, violated her privacy, slept with other women in front of her...”