Garden of Sins

Fuck... What? I never could have imagined that. Mom and Dad seem like the typical picture book American couple. Even though I know their story, I didn’t know the precise details, only that there was cheating and struggles with each other.

“He locked her up and she couldn’t even use the bathroom without him around...” he continues mercilessly, although I can already feel the blood draining from my face.

“That he was controlling her, manipulating her, threatening to kill her if she tried to leave him. That he brought her back again and again even though she was better off without him. That he could not bear to see her happy without him. That he humiliated her, restrained her, and treated her like shit. And that is simply not how a woman should ever be treated.”

I swallow. I don’t like it because I love my mother to death. I want to punch Dad in the face right now. He’s lucky he’s not here.

“You don’t like that, do you, Caden?” he asks softly, resting his temple on his fist. The sun shines through the window behind me directly onto his ta

My hands are clenched and I crack my neck. It is obvious I don’t have to answer.

“Because you love your mother, right?” Keaton Rush raises an eyebrow. I know what he’s getting at.

“Still, Mom’s with him now,” I insist. And you’ll be with me in the end too, Alayna.

“She’s with him because she went through a transformation and he accepted that because she was able to find herself and develop enough strength to make a clear and conscious decision about your father. He permitted this space to her for the first time, only then did the two of them become what they are today. Otherwise, they would not have made it. Do you have any idea how much your mother suffers from what you do? Now that you know what she has gone through herself? Do you have any idea how deeply it hurts her? You two were her absolute ray of hope for the future. You were her little angels and now you’ve walked straight out of hell, making her life difficult and treating women like crap.” I understand what he’s trying to tell me and yes, it hurts me. I don’t like doing that to my mother because, yes, deep down I do have a conscience, which distinguishes me from those psychopaths that Granddad just tried to compare me to. I simply have to be careful in the future so that Mom doesn’t notice.

“I am addicted to her. I am obsessed with her. I have to know everything about her. I must read her messages and I always have to know what she is doing. I only have access to her cell phone and data to find out what she has experienced so far, so I am considering putting cameras in her house. She has a shitty family, so I should watch to see that she is doing well there,” I ponder with a frown.

He shakes his head and the corner of his mouth twitches a little. Is he laughing? A rare sight and disturbing at the same time.

“I want to show you something, Caden. Stay here.” Granddad rises and I watch him depart the room. Whatever he wants to show me, it won’t take long to get because he is unbelievably organized, but as sorry as I am, baby girl, it won’t change anything either.

I’m also aggravated because Keaton still hasn’t offered me anything to drink.

All of a sudden, a black notebook lands in front of me. It’s a little worn and bound in the front.

“Your father read it too when it was time. Now it’s your turn and at some point, your children, God forbid,” he mumbles.

I stare at the thing with a frown. “What is it?”

“You’ll see.” Keaton pushes it into my hand along with an ice-cold can of Coke. My reward for being honest and getting involved. There you go.

“Go down to the basement and stay there until you have read it. Olivia will bring you food later. Now, don’t bother me anymore.” He lazily waves me away as if he were a mob boss who still has a thousand jobs to do. I rise like I usually do when I’m dismissed in this way.

“I also enjoyed talking to you.”

I turn and walk downstairs into the basement whistling.

***

I am lying on the comfiest mattress the world has ever seen on a pile of pallets in the converted basement that once belonged to my father. A bit of daylight still falls into the room, but otherwise, darkness envelops me. I must say I love it. I can imagine many strange things here. It’s like there is an odd type of energy — containing darkness, pain, and tears. With my index finger, I stroke the black bedding next to me and imagine that it is your back. Did you know, Alayna, that strong co

I’m sure you are. All the time. Because I want you to.

I read this disturbing diary. The only thing I want to do now is lock you in a basement and watch you with cameras. It’s like heaven. Keaton Rush is a fucking genius.

It was so inspiring. He wanted me to learn something from it and I did, just not what he wanted.

He wanted me to realize that in the end, it’s the heart that counts not the mind. He wanted me to think afterward: Oh, I love her so much, I can’t do this to her anymore. I must release her... WRONG, ALAYNA.

Love only means total surrender.

You said you love me.

So, you must give yourself to me one hundred percent, baby girl.

It’s simple.

And I’ll try to do the same.

I get up and stroll through the bedroom to light a cigarette. You can smell that there’s always been smoking in here. And a lot of grass. I don’t have any with me, but I don’t need it like Carter. As I walk through the basement, I stroke the wall with my index finger and absorb everything that is there.

This place is inspiring.

I have so many new ideas about what else I can do with you.

How I can still fuck you, how I can bring your body to ecstasy and enjoy you. Fuck, baby, I miss you already and I have to stay here for two weeks. Nevertheless, I’ll bring you here in between so we can fuck in the basement. I can’t do without you completely.

I stroll into the living room where there’s a couch, and an armchair around a table and sink into the soft armchair. I slide my ass to the edge and draw deeply on the cigarette. As I let my head fall backward, I let the smoke slowly escape my lips and stare at the black ceiling.

No, Alayna, I will never release you.

I ca

Now I can show you who I truly am.

And we’ll see how much you love me.

For the truth is...

This here...

Is only about that.

And as I lie here thinking of you, my cell phone rings in my pocket, and the corner of my mouth twitches because even before I pull it out, I know it’s you, baby girl. And with this, you confirm once again that our co

Come what may.