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He looked shocked. “But they disowned my mother, that’s what my father said.”
Lorraine looked uncomfortable. “They probably did. My mother would know for sure. But, disowned or not, I think they still had a royal wedding.”
“Maybe we should ask your father if they got bugged.”
Christopher sighed and pulled out his phone.
While he was engaged, Chuckie leaned over to me and Martini. “Regardless of the Pontifex’s answer, this creates some serious issues. So, Martini, before the rest of the C.I.A. starts demanding I allow them to move into every Centaurion stronghold, any idea of what’s really coming?”
“Not really. We should pull my father in, sooner as opposed to later. He’s the one with the information.”
My brain kicked at me. “Uh, guys?”
“Yes,” Chuckie agreed. “But I’d like you to ask him, if you don’t mind. I don’t want to give the impression we’re demanding his cooperation.”
“Guys?”
“Well, that’s so nice of you,” Martini said, sarcasm knob turned to full. “How is it my father rates consideration when our Sovereign Pontifex doesn’t?”
“Guys.”
“He rates consideration because he’s the only one with any real idea of what’s going on, and, just in case, the C.I.A. doesn’t want to create an interstellar incident by upsetting a royal scion.”
“Guys, oh, guys.”
“I’m supposedly a scion and so’s Christopher. You don’t seem to mind upsetting us. In fact, near as I can tell, you live to do it.”
“Guys? Really, need your attention.”
“You really have a problem with authority, don’t you, Martini?”
“Guys? Please, focus.”
“I have no problem with my own authority, Reynolds. I have a big problem with yours, or what you think is yours.”
“Guys, don’t force me to get tough with you.”
“Keep pushing it, Martini. I’ll be glad to show you just how much authority I have over you and anything you want to do.”
I stood up, turned my back to the rest of the room, and lifted my shirt up. Both of them stopped with their mouths open and turned to stare at my chest. I was in the A-C version of a WonderBra and the twins were looking particularly large and perky. The men looked like deer trapped in headlights. “Wow, now that I finally freaking have your attention, can the two of you stop fighting with each other and listen to me?”
“Gah,” Martini said.
“Ummm . . .” Chuckie sounded no more coherent.
Martini recovered first. “Put your top down.” He was trying to sound growly but it was coming off more like an embarrassed, possessive hiss.
“Ummm . . .” Chuckie hadn’t seen the twins in a while, but I could tell he wanted to get back in touch with them.
“I want you two to listen to me, and listen carefully.”
“Top . . . down . . . now.”
“Ummm . . .”
“You both going to listen?”
“Down.”
“Ummm . . .”
“Nod your heads if you’re going to listen to me when I put my top down.” Two heads nodded. Two pairs of eyes didn’t move, however. I lowered and resisted the impulse to pull my shirt up and down for a bit. “Now, look at my face.”
Both sets of eyes moved up to meet mine.
“Good. So proud.” Martini opened his mouth, and I lifted my shirt over my stomach. He snapped his mouth shut. “Good boy, Jeff. Now, I’m going to say something, and I want the two of you to listen to my words. Okay?”
They both nodded, eyes still wide, expressions still shocked.
“If the metal ca
They both nodded again.
“Who bugged the room? And what planet do they call home?”
CHAPTER 10
MARTINI RECOVERED FIRST, if you could call it that. “Don’t know. Don’t do that again. Ever. Unless we’re alone.”
Chuckie was back to staring at my chest. “Love Aerosmith.”
“Yes, I still do.” I snapped my fingers in front of his face. “Come on back now.”
Reader was next to me. “You know, that was possibly the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. Not your rack, girlfriend, but their reactions to it.”
“I warned them I was going to use the big guns.”
“They are big, I’ll give you that.”
“Stop looking at or talking about her chest, James.” Martini was growling.
“Jeff? I’m gay, remember?”
“Don’t care. Stop looking at them. Stop talking about them.” Martini looked at Chuckie. “Look at her face or, better yet, look at me, or I’m going to kill you.”
“I saw them first,” Chuckie said. This was true.
Martini was about to lose it, I could tell. “Boys? You either focus on my questions and how we answer them, or . . .” I raised my shirt over my stomach again.
“I don’t want to answer the questions,” Chuckie said. “Punish me for it.”
“That’s it!” Martini leaped up.
I jumped in between them. “Jeff? If you grab him, I’ll be sandwiched between the two of you. Is that what you want?”
Martini growled, loudly, but he backed off.
I kept eye contact with Martini. “Chuckie? Enough with the comedy jokes. Serious questions want serious answers.”
“I really want to be punished for my disobedience,” he said from behind me, and I could tell he was standing. “But okay.” He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “He’s fun to bait. But . . . damn, they’re still magnificent . . . and mesmerizing. Seriously, my parents love you, so, you know, consider the benefits of human marriage.”
“Flattery will only get you so far.” I tried not to smile or blush. Martini’s expression said I failed at both.
“I’ll keep working at it, then.” Chuckie stepped away from us, and Martini relaxed a tiny bit.
“So, back to my questions. Who bugged the room?”
“It wasn’t a human,” Reader said. At least someone was paying attention to the issues at hand.
I turned around to see Christopher, Tim, and my five pilots all staring at me in various stages of shock, as near as I could tell. Claudia had her face in her hands, and Lorraine appeared to be recovering from trying to laugh without making noise. Gower was shaking his head.
“What?”
Tim pointed behind me. I turned around. To see that the wall behind Martini, ergo, the wall I’d been facing, was a mirror.
“Oh.” So I hadn’t noticed that when we got in. So what? “Um . . .” Didn’t quite know what to say. “Whoops” about covered it. But I didn’t feel the need to admit it out loud.
Randy and Joe seemed to be recovering. After all, they had girls in the room who had racks at least as good as mine. Lorraine was still laughing silently, and Joe had her in his lap now. Randy was patting Claudia on the back—I realized she was laughing too, so hard that she was having trouble breathing. My friends, there for me when I needed them.
“The United States Navy is proud to serve under those, Commander,” Jerry said finally. “In fact, I’d like a picture, in case we ever need to remind the rest of the troops what it is we fight for.” Walker and Hughes nodded their agreement.
“Dudes, they’re not that big.” I mean, they weren’t. I wasn’t Pam Anderson material.
“As women love to tell men, it’s not the size that matters, Commander,” Walker said. “It’s how they look in their packaging. Or something.” He sounded dazed.
I looked at Christopher. “What did your dad have to say?”
“He’s never mentioned your breasts!”
I took a deep breath. All the male eyes in the room followed my chest. Even Reader and Gower were looking now. “I meant what did he say about a royal wedding?”
“Huh?” Christopher seemed stu
“Jeez, it’s a pair of boobs. Covered up, at least somewhat, in a bra and now, again, in a T-shirt, too. Surely all of you have seen something like them before.”