Alien in the Family

Chuckie smiled. “Always. And I’m not deserting you—I’ll be right up front in the Majordomo seat, ready to take care of whatever you need.”

I relaxed a little. “Then I’m good to go.” He turned, but I grabbed his arm. A thought had occurred. “Chuckie?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have any advice?”

He was quiet for a long moment. “Actually, I do.”

“And?”

“Be yourself.”

“That’s it?”

Chuckie nodded. “That’s it. Because the reason we love you, Martini and myself particularly, is because of who you are.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek through the veil. “I know you’re scared, but it’s no bigger step than any other you’ve taken. Now do me proud and go show everyone out there how the comics geek-girl who made good gets married.”

CHAPTER 72

CHUCKIE WENT BACK TO THE DOOR, took a look, and nodded. “Almost showtime. See you on the other side.” He winked at me, went in, and left us out there. Alone. Just me and my parents.

Mom went to the door. “You know, am I the only one of the three of us who thinks this parading all over the place is more like being at a beauty pageant than a wedding?”

Dad and I stood there in shock for a moment, then we both started laughing. “Yeah. What’s the bet on our side for how many times I trip?”

“Nana Sadie called ten,” Mom replied. “Nona Maria called twenty. I was too busy to catch the rest. But the A-C side’s betting, too. And all your friends.”

“Viva Las Vegas.”

Dad moved up next to Mom and took a look. “Ready, kitten?”

I took the requisite deep breath and waited for ninja or alien attack. Remarkably, there was none. “Yes.”

Unlike an Earth wedding, neither Dad nor Mom was holding onto me. I’d thought they would be on either side, but they linked arms and went in front of me. Right, last one through had to be the bride. That had seemed almost logical when Chuckie had explained it. Now? Not so much. “I have to close the freaking door?” I muttered, as I closed the door. Managed not to catch my train. Wondered why I’d said yes to this all of a sudden.

Delayed by door closing, so now had to somehow catch up to my parents, who, once inside, started sauntering along, waving to guests, as if they were freaking Hollywood types at a premier. Got a glimpse of the wedding party standing far, far away. Couldn’t spot Mister Joel Oliver or his camera crew anywhere. Good lord, this place was humongous.

Couldn’t run, of course. May have looked great, but nothing says “you will walk slowly” like a tight mermaid gown. Felt the veil slip and wondered why I’d ever questioned Reader about not wearing one. Tweaked it back into place, not as surreptitiously as I’d hoped, if the grins were any indication. Maybe this was the A-C version of the gauntlet or gladiator fighting.

Gave up on catching my parents. They were what seemed like miles ahead of me now. Seriously considered the benefits of turning and ru

I was a hit, if I was going for comedy. I realized as I looked around that A-Cs didn’t seat groom side and bride side, because I saw my friends and relatives scattered in there with A-Cs. Apparently the seating ritual was in part to get the families jumbled up, because no one was where I’d have expected them to be. Not that it mattered. Everyone near me was trying hard not to laugh. Most were failing. Utterly.

Fine, whatever. Moved the veil to the wrap position. I’d fix that later. I hoped. Got up onto my toes and did the girly run I detested. The one where the girl is pretending not to run, so doesn’t move her arms, doesn’t move her thighs, but somehow bounces as though she’s on a trampoline? Yeah, that one. I felt like an idiot, but my parents had rounded the corner, and that meant I had miles to make up. For all I knew, the Martinis were already behind me. No, couldn’t be, they were going the other direction. And I was supposed to do that lover’s crossing thing in front of the world. Operative word being front. I was on the side. Not so good.

Girly run sort of worked. The dress was great—didn’t rip, didn’t allow my breasts to fly out, didn’t unbutton. One thing in the win column.

Rounded the corner to see my entire wedding party looking my way. The men, to a guy, were standing there open-mouthed. I chose not to make eye contact with Reader—I just hoped he wasn’t having a heart attack. The girls, on the other hand, were all, to a one, laughing. Lorraine and Claudia were leaning on each other, they were laughing so hard. Same with Felicia and Wahoa. The others were no more reserved. Serene had her hand over her mouth, Jareen was doubled over she was laughing so hard, and Queen Renata, by benefit of being royalty, was merely doing that whole body shake thing where the laughter’s inside but could come out any moment. My friends, there for me when I needed them.

Richard White was up there, between Christopher and Jareen, Kimmie and Raymond in front of him. Thankfully, he was really good with the poker face.

My parents had finally picked up that they’d lost me. Martini’s parents had picked this up a while earlier. All four of them were standing there, chatting, while waiting for me. I risked a look at the audience. Chuckie and Brian were sitting next to each other, right there in the front. I was worried they were both going to die they were laughing so hard. My grandparents were next to them. Money was changing hands so fast it was almost impossible to keep up with, at least in the quick glance I allowed myself.

The seating was as wide as it was long. I decided I’d had it with the girly run and slowed to a walk. Close enough to see tears of laughter ru

I took a deep breath, put my shoes down and back on. Back to mincing. Head held high. Remembered the stupid veil. Flipped it on. Accidentally looked at Reader, saw him wince. Realized the veil was upside down. Well, who the hell could tell? I’d fix it after my next wind sprint.

In all the excitement, the one thing I hadn’t done was try to figure out where Martini was. Looked around and found out. He’d stepped out of line with our parents, and I was erratically weaving in and out of line with them, so he was now right in front of me, though about a hundred feet away. I forgot everything else looking at him because he looked so incredibly, totally, drool-worthingly hot.

He was in a longer, four-button, peaked-lapel tuxedo jacket that hung down to just above his knees. It emphasized his size in a really sexy way. Unlike everyone else, he was in a white, buttoned vest over a white shirt. Long black tie, done four-in-hand, red rose on his lapel. He looked incredibly gorgeous and masculine, and I stopped dead.

Martini was staring at me. He wasn’t laughing, thank God, and he didn’t look horrified, also thank God. He looked as though someone had kicked him in the stomach. I started to worry about how I looked, not to mention how I’d pretty much destroyed whatever beauty this ceremony had.

He shook his head a little bit, and my whole body went tight. I’d blown it, and he was going to turn around and run. My eyes filled with tears, and I tried to swallow but I couldn’t. My breathing got fast and shallow, and I realized I was about ten seconds away from hysterics.

All of a sudden he wasn’t a hundred feet away, he was right in front of me. “Shhh, baby,” he said softly, and I could see he was smiling. “It’s okay. I’m here.”