Trust Me, I’m Dr. Ozzy

Dear Dr. Ozzy:

Is it true that eating a big meal late at night makes you fatter than if you ate the same meal for lunch?

It depends. I mean, if you’re a competitive eater who can shove 98 cream pies down her throat in four minutes, then I somehow don’t think you’d put on less weight if you ate ’em for breakfast instead of di

Dear Dr. Ozzy:

My husband wants to take me to a sushi restaurant for the first time. Aside from radiation fears (the fish isn’t from Japan), is there anything I should avoid for health reasons, or is all the stuff I’ve heard about the danger of raw fish overblown?

The thing to remember about sushi—Western-style sushi, anyway—is that it ain’t like the smelly old haddock you used to get from the fishmonger when you were little. From what I understand, sushi-grade fish is bled, gutted and packed in ice very, very quickly—and is usually frozen long enough to kill any of the parasites that might cause you any problems. Having said that, I’d avoid Fugu (“river pig”) if it’s on the menu (see here).

Dear Dr. Ozzy:

I need to lose weight fast for a wedding—are diet pills a good idea?

Up to you—as long as you bear in mind that some of those pills come with pretty weird-sounding side-effects, like “gas with oily spotting.” You don’t want to break wind during the best man’s speech and feel like the Deepwater Horizon just sprang a leak in your underwear.

Dear Dr. Ozzy:

I’ve just read about an 82-year-old man in India—his name is Prahlad Jani—who claims not to have eaten a single thing since 1942, because he draws nourishment from meditation. (He hasn’t drank anything, either, allegedly.) Could this be possible, given that the longest-ever hunger strike went on for just 74 days?

I don’t know, but I’m go

Dr. Ozzy’s Trivia Quiz: Health Nut

1. If you ate one tablespoon each of these foods, which would slam you with the most calories?

a) Goose fat

b) Ghee (clarified butter, used in curries)

c) Unsalted butter

2. Farting less often is easy if you…

a) Swallow less air

b) Drink more water

c) Cut down on beans, sugar-free chewing gum… and pears

3. Speaking of unwanted trouser explosions… how many times does the average person let rip every day?

a) 14 times (1–4 pints of gas)

b) Twice (half a pint of gas)

c) 27 times (8–12 pints of gas)

4. What causes “heavy leg syndrome”?

a) Involvement with the Mafia

b) Exercising too much

c) Not enough blood circulation

5. How old was the fitness guru/muscleman Jack LaLa

a) 41

b) 96

c) 73

CHAPTER NOTES: FITNESS METHODS