P.S. I Still Love You

John starts toward me and I point at him. “Stop right there, John Ambrose McClaren. Do you have my name?”

“No! I swear I don’t. I have—I’m not saying who I have.” He pauses. “Wait a minute. Do you have mine?”

I shake my head, i

“You can put it on the table,” he says.

“John! I’m telling you, I don’t have your name!”

He shakes his head. “Table.”

I set the glass back down. “I can’t believe you don’t believe me. I feel like I remember you being a trusting kind of person who sees the good in people.”

Sober as a judge, John says, “Just . . . stay on your side of the table.”

Shoot. How am I supposed to take him out if he makes me stay ten feet away all night?

Airily I say, “Fine by me. I don’t know if I believe you, either, so! I mean, this is a pretty big coincidence, you showing up here.”

“Stormy guilted me into coming!”

I snap my head in Stormy’s direction. She’s still playing the piano, looking over at us with a big smile.

Mr. Morales sidles up to the bar and says, “May I have this dance, Lara Jean?”

“You may,” I say. To John I warn, “Don’t you dare come close to me.”

He throws his hands out like he’s warding me off. “Don’t you come close to me!”

As Mr. Morales leads me in a slow dance, I press my face against his shoulder to hide my smile. I’m really quite good at this espionage thing. John McClaren is sitting on a love seat now, watching Stormy play and chatting with Alicia. I’ve got him right where I want him. I can’t even believe how lucky I am. I’d been pla

I’m thinking I’ll come up from behind him, take him by surprise, when Stormy stands up and declares she needs a piano break, she wants to dance with her grandson. I go turn on the stereo and cue up the CD we decided on for her break.

John is protesting: “Stormy, I told you I don’t dance.” He used to try and fake sick during the square-dancing unit in gym—that’s how much he hates dancing.

Stormy doesn’t listen, of course. She pulls him off the love seat and starts trying to teach him how to fox-trot. “Put your hand on my waist,” she orders. “I didn’t wear heels to sit behind a piano all night.” Stormy’s trying to teach him the steps, and he keeps stepping on her feet. “Ouch!” she snaps.

I can’t stop giggling. Mr. Morales is too. He dances us over closer. “May I cut in?” he asks.

“Please!” John practically pushes Stormy into Mr. Morales’s arms.

“Joh

John gives me a searching look, and I have a feeling he’s still suspicious of me and whether or not I have his name.

“Ask her to dance,” Mr. Morales urges, gri

I shrug a sad kind of shrug. Wistful. The very picture of a girl who is waiting to be asked to dance.

“I want to see the young people dance!” Norman yells.

John McClaren looks at me, one eyebrow raised. “If we’re just swaying back and forth, I probably won’t step on your feet.”

I feign hesitation and then nod. My pulse is racing. Target acquired.

We step toward each other, and I thread my arms around his neck, and he puts his around my waist, and we sway, off beat. I’m short, not even five-two, and he looks just under six feet tall, but in my heels we’re a good height for dance partners. From across the room Stormy smiles knowingly at me, which I pretend not to see. I should probably go ahead and take him out before he’s onto me, but the residents are so enjoying watching us dance. It couldn’t hurt to hold off just a few minutes.

As we sway, I’m remembering the eighth grade formal, how everyone paired up and no one asked me to go. I’d thought Genevieve and I were riding over together, but then she said Peter’s mom was taking them, and they were going to a restaurant first, like a real date, and it would be awkward if I tagged along. So it ended up being her and Peter and Sabrina Fox and John. I’d hoped John McClaren would ask me for a slow dance, but he didn’t; he didn’t dance with anyone. The only guy who really danced was Peter. He was always in the center of the cool-people dance circle.

John’s hand is pressed against my back, leading me, and I think he’s forgotten all about the game. I’ve got him in my crosshairs now.

“You’re not so bad,” I tell him. Song’s halfway over. I’d better hop to the beat. I’ve got you in five, four, three, two—

“So . . . you and Kavinsky, huh?”

He’s distracted me completely, and I’ve forgotten all about the game for a moment. “Yeah . . .”

Clearing his throat, he says, “I was pretty surprised that you guys were together.”

“Why? Because I’m not his type?” I say it casually, like it’s nothing, a fact, but it stings like a little pebble thrown directly at my heart.

“No, you are.”

“Then why?” I’m pretty sure John’s going to say “because I didn’t think he was your type,” just like Josh did.

He doesn’t answer right away. “That day you came to Model UN, I tried to follow you out to the parking lot, but you were already gone. Then I got your letter, and I wrote you back, and you wrote me back, and then you invited me to the tree-house thing. I guess I didn’t know what to think. You know what I mean?” He looks at me expectantly, and I feel like it’s important that I say yes.

All the blood rushes to my face, and I hear a pounding in my ears, which I belatedly realize is the sound of my heart beating really fast. My body is still dancing, though.

He keeps talking. “Maybe it was dumb to think that, because all that stuff was such a long time ago.”

All what stuff? I want to know, but it wouldn’t be right to ask. “Do you know what I remember?” I ask suddenly.

“What?”

“The time Trevor’s shorts split open when you guys were playing basketball. And everybody was laughing so hard that Trevor started getting mad. But not you. You got on your bike and you rode all the way home and brought Trevor a pair of shorts. I was really impressed by that.”

He has a faint half smile on his face. “Thanks.”

Then we’re both quiet and still dancing. He’s an easy person to be quiet with. “John?”

“Hmm?”

I look up at him. “I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I’ve got you. I mean, I have your name. In the game.”

“Seriously?” John looks genuinely disappointed, which makes me feel guilty.

“Seriously. Sorry.” I press my hands against his shoulders. “Tag.”

“Well, now you have Kavinsky. I was really looking forward to taking him out, too. I had a whole plan and everything.”

All eagerness I ask, “What was your plan?”

“Why should I tell the girl who just tagged me out?” he challenges, but it’s a weak challenge, just for show, and we both know he’s going to tell me.

I play along. “Come on, Joh

John laughs a little. “All right, all right. I’ll help you.”

The song ends and we step apart. “Thanks for the dance,” I say. After all this time, I finally know what it’s like to dance with John Ambrose McClaren. “So what would you have asked for if you won?”

He doesn’t hesitate even one beat. “Your peanut butter chocolate cake with my name written in Reese’s Pieces.”

I stare at him in surprise. That’s what he would have wished for? He could have anything and he wants my cake? I give him a curtsy. “I’m so honored.”

“Well, it was a really good cake,” he says.

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