Cockeyed

“Is there any reason,” I asked, “that the Brienings might think they can extort half a billion dollars from you, Hu

After a moment he mumbled, “Maybe.”

Art said, “Lawn, don’t you know who the Brienings are?”

“No, I never heard the name before.”

“How long have you and Nelson been together?” I asked.

“Eleven years. We met when I came back to Albany after establishing myself in the city in the financial world, and I felt ready to return to my roots and make a name for myself.”

36 Richard Stevenson

“Mary,” Art said.

“Nelson and I met in the locker room of our gym on my third day back in Albany, and we have rarely spent a day apart since then. We are just wonderfully well suited for one another, and I consider myself just incredibly lucky to have found my perfect match.”

Art had dried his hands on a paper towel, and now he went over and sat next to Hu

Hu

“This one is definitely not for the laundry basket,” Art said.

Lawn closed the door to the living room and said, “What laundry basket?”

“The laundry basket where we put all the letters and messages that have been coming in since Wednesday asking for money or trying to blackmail me,” Hu

If this is the Brienings, Nelson has been in touch with, Donald

— girl, this is definitely a job for you.”

“The Brienings are evil,” Art said. “I hope you’re ready to wrestle with Satan’s spawn, Donald.”

“Who are these people?” Lawn said. “I’ve never even heard their name before. And Grandma Rita worked for them?”

Hu

“How would you go about making out a check for half a CoCkeyed 37

billion dollars?” Art said. “Would you write on it five hundred million, or half a billion, or what? And would there be room to write in all those zeros in that tiny space they give you to write out the numbers?”

Lawn stared. “You’ve got a billion dollars in your checking account, Hu

“Did you think I was going to stuff it down my cleavage?

It’s actually one billion, four hundred and fifty-seven dollars. I checked the ATM on the way home this afternoon.”

“That giant check they gave Hu

Hu

On cue, Lawn looked aghast, and he didn’t look any happier when the kitchen door opened and one of the twins strolled in in his thong carrying more dirty glasses on a tray.

“Tyler, dearest, just leave everything till tomorrow morning,”

Art said.

“Yes,” Hu

“Sho nuff,” was Tyler’s ambiguous answer. He winked at Lawn and sashayed back into the living room.

Art said, “Now that Hu

Lawn checked his watch. “Nelson should be arriving soon.

There can’t be much traffic coming in from Cobleskill this time 38 Richard Stevenson

of night. Of course, it’s the weekend, and there are bound to be drunks. Plus people coming down the Northway from the races at Saratoga.”

Hu

Hu

After a moment, Art said to Lawn and me, “After Hu

Hu

“Rita had always enjoyed a drink before and after di

Rita started drinking to excess. She had gone to work at Clyde and Arletta Briening’s crafts shop as their bookkeeper, and while her imbibing did not immediately affect her work there, it did affect her judgment after hours.”

Hu

Art said, “Mother Rita had always had a nice time playing the ponies at Saratoga, and unfortunately after Carl died she apparently got it in her head that she could help make ends meet with her wi

“That’s preposterous.”

“Anyway, one thing led to another, and apparently pretty soon Mother Rita had begun covering her losses at the track with CoCkeyed 39

money she — I’m sorry, Hu

embezzled at Crafts-a-Palooza.”

Hu

“By the time Arletta and Clyde realized what was going on two years later, Rita had taken sixty-one thousand and some odd dollars from the business. When they confronted her, Rita begged them not to go to the police because it would be so embarrassing for Miriam and Lewis. Hu

“I’m afraid that’s true,” Hu

“The horrible Brienings unfortunately saw this as an opportunity, and they took it. They knew that Mother Rita would begin collecting over thirteen thousand dollars a year in Social Security in just a couple of months, and they made her sign a letter confessing to stealing their money and agreeing to pay them a thousand dollars a month until the sixty-one thousand had been restored — plus interest. Except, when you figured out the interest, it came to more than two hundred thousand dollars total. So every month Mother Rita’s Social Security has been going into her account from the government and then straight out and into Crafts-a-Palooza’s account. This has been going on for thirteen years.”

Lawn stood looking grim. “I have never heard of any of this.

I’m stu