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“Oh, Donald, you have come to my rescue!” Hu
Blam, blam, blam, blam! You can plead self-defense, and Artie and I will back you up. So, Do
“Neither, really. What’s going on now, Hu
32 Richard Stevenson
Hu
Art said, “We have apparently interfered with Nelson and Lawn’s di
Di
Hu
“Yeah. It does.”
“Now, Donald, girl, I don’t like the looks of your dour expression. I think you might need a drink. Are you a Cutty Sark drinker with a Dos Equis chaser? Or how about some weed?
What can I get for you, sweetie? What about some dick? The twins are hung like Jeff Stryker, plus they’re more interesting.
Donald, take a load off and let us entertain you. It bothers me that you’re not having any fun. What can we do to cheer you up?
You look morose.”
“I’m all set, thanks.”
Art said, “Nelson and Yawn hang out with these horrible people — the city and county officials and state senators the banks and insurance companies are all paying off to get city and county business. You go into Jack’s Oyster house and it looks like a scene from Warner Brothers in 1932. You expect to see Edward G. Robinson at a front table cuddling with his moll and his tommy gun.”
“Though it’s a miracle those crooks will even be seen at Jack’s or anywhere else in public with Lawn nowadays,” Hu
“Everybody who invested money with Lawn is flat-ass broke.
CoCkeyed 33
Lawn specialized in tranches. Derivatives and tranches. Donald, do you know what a tranche is?”
Art said, “It sounds like one of Sarah Palin’s kids.”
“Nobody knows what a tranche is,” Hu
Art waved a sponge at me and said, “Now Lawn is all mopey because the SEC is breathing down everybody’s neck and he can’t commit highway robbery and get away with it anymore. The poor dear has been forced to operate on a somewhat reduced level of criminal behavior, like income tax evasion or shoplifting.”
“Poor, tragic Lawn. We call him Tranche DuBois.”
Art hung a freshly washed shot glass on a fork protruding from the drying rack and said, “All these Albany mucky-mucks he no doubt swindled just like he did everybody else put up with Lawn because I’m sure he’s sucking their dicks. They’re all married closet queens, that crowd.”
Hu
The shot glass fell off the drying rack and back into the sink, and Hu
“Oh, pshaw,” Art said, waving Hu
I said, “Did Lawn give you any idea who might be in a position to insist on being paid half a billion dollars?”
“No,” Hu
34 Richard Stevenson
“He’s an arsonist,” Art said, “but, Lord, is that boy hung.”
Now there was some commotion in the other room, and soon a tall, austere-looking man wearing an Armani jacket and ten thousand dollars’ worth of pectorals strode into the room.
“Congratulations, Hu
“Don Strachey.”
“I am Nelson’s partner. He said you seemed to be on top of things, which I was quite relieved to hear, and that I could go ahead and brief you.”
“Yes, I’d like to hear about this one.”
“Nelson used to faint,” Hu
Art said, “Lawn, did you tell Nelson to put his head down between his legs?”
Hu
“The twins almost can,” Art said, rinsing out an olive jar.
“And we have that one video,” Hu
Lawn glared at Hu
Hu
“You know, it was tremendously awkward, Hu
He was so upset and distracted that he neglected to phone or CoCkeyed 35
text and inform me he would be unable to meet us. And when I was unable to explain his absence I was both concerned and irritated, and I’m sure people noticed. They probably thought it was something I did or said. It was incredibly embarrassing. Then when Nelson phoned midway through the meal, he said I should not actually tell people where he was and what he was involved with, and I had to make something up. Instead of saying it was about Hu
Hu
“With some people she used to work for,” Lawn said. “He didn’t say what it was, just that it was serious and it might involve a large part of Hu
Art put down his sponge and turned to face us, and Hu
Hu
“Nelson didn’t mention their names.”
I asked, “Who are the Brienings?”
“They own a crafts store out in Cobleskill,” Art said. “It’s where Rita worked until she retired thirteen years ago.”