A Hidden Place

Love was unfathomable. He did not understand it. Nancy was a concentration of good and bad things, wild impulses and dangerous urges. He had loved her, he thought; had loved her, at least, in that reasonless moment when he slaked himself in her body. If you could call that love.

He knew only that there was this different thing he felt with A

He stood up and turned back when the whistle blew again. When he reached the plant his uncle was waiting for him.

Creath wore an undershirt that stretched taut over the skin of his belly and he was sweating, the sweat glinting in the long hairs of his arms, his chest. His face was ruddy and there was slow anger in his eyes. He pulled a checked handkerchief out of his back pocket and mopped his face with it.

“You were late,” he said.

Travis nodded.

“You were out,” Creath said ponderously, “all last night. Your Aunt Liza was worried sick this morning. You appreciate what you’ve done?”

“It was a mistake,” Travis said.

“Come on in here,” Creath said, hooking a thumb at his office, a wooden cubicle behind the machine shed. “You come in here, we’ll talk about mistakes.”

The room inside possessed a single crude window propped open with a yellow-handled gimlet. The heat was intense enough to smell, a stink like the hot-metal stink of a misaligned gear in the refrigeration machinery. Creath had decorated the walls with calendars: bank calendars, hardware store calendars, feed store calendars, none of them current. The ice plant keys hung on a big ring hooked over a nail next to the door,- under them was the truck’s ignition key. Creath sank into the wooden office-chair behind the cheap desk, easing back against its protesting springs, fixing a long stare on Travis. Travis felt a wave of dizzy claustrophobia sweep through him. Because he hadn’t eaten, he supposed… but he felt like he’d walked into a hot sealed box.

“We brought you to this town,” Creath said. Travis nodded, squinting.

“We paid your way. It that not correct? Answer me.”

“Yessir.”

“We took you in.” “Yessir.” “Fed you.” “Yessir.”

“I employ you at this ice plant. Is that not right, Travis ?” “Sir.”

“And now? What have you done?” Travis closed his eyes. “Come in late.” “Come in late! More than that, I believe.” “Sir?”

The older man sighed. “Travis, don’t bullshit me. I will not be bullshitted. We took you in, and we fed you, and I employed you… and you were out last night, correct me if I’m wrong, chasing after our other roomer.”

Travis said nothing.

“How do you think that makes me feel, Travis? That you would do a thing like that? Act filthy like that while you’re living under my roof?”

Hypocrite, Travis thought. You goddamned hypocrite.

Creath waved his hands placatingly. “Now, I understand how it must have been for you. You did not have a normal home. Your mother—”

“My mother doesn’t come into this.”

It was a mistake, he realized immediately. But he could not make himself be quiet. Not in this box.

Creath performed a patient smile. “Don’t take that tone with me. I knew your mother, you little peckerwood.”

Keep still, Travis thought desperately. He focused his eyes on a 1929 calendar, picture of a little girl, gingham dress, field of daisies. The sky in the picture was a deep and impossible Kodak blue, almost turquoise.

“Travis?” Creath gri

So many daisies.

“You understand what I’m saying? She fucked for money, Travis.”

You could get lost in that blue.

“She fucked strangers for money, Travis, and I know about it, and Liza knows about it, and the Baptist Women know about it, and I guess by this time just about every dumb shit in town knows about it. You hear me, Travis? She—”

“Shut your mouth.” He couldn’t help it. His head was spi

Creath stood up, and his grin widened into something truly awful, a jack-o’-lantern smirk of triumph. “No, you poor ignorant whoreson, you shut your mouth, how about that?”

Travis raised his foot and kicked the old pine-board desk so that it racked backward across the floor.

Creath fell forward, flailing into a stack of yellow invoices. Travis watched a moment as his uncle struggled up, cursing; then he turned, restraining a rage that ran in him like blood; he yanked open the door. His hand rested momentarily on the lower of the two keyrings, the one on which Creath carried the key to the truck.

Well, why not? He had lost his job, had probably lost his room at the Buracks’—had lost all there was to lose in this town.

His fist curled around the keyring.

He left his uncle grunting in the heat.

Nancy Wilcox knew as soon as Travis came through the door that something was terribly wrong. It was the afternoon, for one thing, that lull between lunch and di

She surprised herself by thinking, Now it begins. She had sensed in Travis even that first day in July a tremor of wild energy, pent up, volatile as a blasting cap. And maybe that was what had drawn her to him, that wildness. He was like a freight train carrying her down some dangerous track and away from her childhood. Now it begins.

She untied her apron-—her fingers trembled— and said, “Travis?”

“Come and talk,” he said. “I need to talk to somebody.”

She nodded and put the apron on a stool. The only customer, an unemployed bank clerk spooning mechanically at a bowl of Campbell’s soup, gazed at her in mute incomprehension.

“Back by di

They drove down The Spur toward the railway tracks.

“I followed her last night,” Travis said. Far out this old dirt road he pulled over. The tracks lay baking in the Indian-summer heat, oily and bright. His voice was hoarse. “Followed her up here.”

Nancy nodded. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” He frowned and shook his head as if there were some dream- there he could not dislodge. “She watched a train go by. I fell asleep. I guess that’s all that really happened. But it seemed like—” He looked pleadingly at her. “Like she talked to me. Said that something big was on the way and she was at the center of it, and she needed my help. And in a way it was like I said yes, gave her my promise. Ah, Jesus. I don’t know how to say it—”

“I understand.” Hadn’t she had the same feeling herself? Sensed it, perhaps, the first time she saw A

“I lost my job at the plant. Had a fight with Creath. Likely be kicked out of the house, too.” He looked at her. “I should go to her while I still can.”