CRAZY

When I finally make it to my floor, I rush to my door and take a few deep breaths before opening it. Adam wouldn’t have left my baby alone up here… Gabby is still here… Everything is fine. Those words keep rolling through my head, easier words to have on repeat than ‘your mother’s gone’. Sneaking inside the condo, the lights are all off, save for one lamp on the side of the couch. It’s silent and clean. Nothing looks touched. Did she clean up everything they did tonight? Shit, she’s good. Heading first to Ha

Walking into the kitchen I go straight for a beer, then put it back. Harder.

Reaching above the sink into the cupboard, I grab the bottle of whiskey and head to the living room. No glass needed tonight. I need mind-numbing.

Rounding the corner, my breath is taken away by the sight on the couch. Gabby, curled in the corner of the couch, so i

“Hey, you,” I whisper, leaning down and kissing her forehead. She opens her eyes and I see the difference in them, just like I saw it the first time I met her. One shiny, one dull… but both red and puffy.

“Hey,” she stretches out, her pure beauty so breathtaking, I feel so much for her right now it’s scary. All of my emotions are on high alert from today’s devastating news, but what’s crazy is that right now the sorrow I felt at the hospital is replaced by pure adoration. “How’s your mom?” she asks i

“Uh…” I stammer, sitting down next to her. “She’s uh…” Shit. I don’t know why, but I wasn’t expecting that one. She caught me off guard. I was too busy admiring the beautiful woman in front of me to remember what really happened today. The severity of if all slowly hits me as I look around the room. Silently glancing at every picture I have of Ha

“What is it, Benton? You’re scaring me,” she says, turning her body to face me. She’s so damn beautiful, and I don’t know what I’d do without her in my life. Is that an insane thought? To feel that strongly for someone so soon after meeting them? Is seven months long enough to have these strong of feelings for someone? I look at her for the longest time, trying to come up with the words to tell her I no longer have a mother. She’s dead, and life isn’t fucking fair, but I can’t find the words. Shaking my head, I swallow the knot in my throat.

“Oh, Benton,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around me.  I thought I wanted mind numbing, but I really just want to feel… feel anything but this overwhelming sadness that’s come over me. She holds me like this for what feels like hours. Once her steady breathing has calmed my nerves, I’m finally able to find the words to talk about what happened tonight. I don’t have many.

“She’s gone,” I manage to whisper, the dam of tears threatening to spill over with each word I say.

“Oh, no. Oh God, baby.” She pulls back and puts her hands on the sides of my face, lifting my head gently to look at me. “What happened?”

“I… her heart,” I choke out, then the damn bursts and the fucking tears start to fall. I don’t even try to stop them. Instead of trying to talk any more about it, she pulls me to her and holds me there for the rest of the night. No words exchanged, no bodies move. She falls asleep on my lap with her head curled into the crook of my neck. It’s the most peaceful I’ve felt all fucking day, and it sucks so bad because I know, the minute she wakes up, she’s going to want to talk. Every woman does. They want to talk about feelings, and talk about what happened, and talk about plans.

I don’t want to talk. I want to move on.

When morning comes, Gabby is gone. I don’t remember when she got up and left, but there’s no note or anything from her this morning. The minute I get off the couch, I immediately regret sleeping on the couch last night, but falling asleep with her in my arms was worth it. I just wish she were here this morning. It pisses me off that she just up and left me in the middle of the night… especially after what I’ve been through. She could’ve been here for me.

When she calls as I get off the couch to make some coffee, I’m relieved that she’s at least okay, though I’m still mad at her for leaving. That is, until I hear her voice.

“Hey,” I answer. “Where’d you go this morning?” I try to have more emotion to my voice, but it sounds like a robot is talking when the words come out. That’s kind of what I feel like this morning, though: a robot, just going through the motions to keep things moving smoothly.

“I’m sorry, Benton. I had to get home. To take care of something.”

“Great,” I growl.

“I’m so sorry, babe. I just… I’m sorry. There was no way around it.” She sighs and I feel like an ass, but she walked out in the middle of the one night I needed her to stay. For me. “How are you this morning?” She’s trying, so I try to be nice and willing to have a conversation.

“I’m going over to my dad’s today. All the arrangements and shit need to be made.”

“Let me come with you,” she says quickly.

“It’s not going to be a fun day,” I warn.

“Are you trying to make me take back my offer? I want to be there for you,” she whispers. I know me trying to get her to understand how miserable today is going to be is making her think I don’t want her there, but she’s never had to deal with something like this before.

I have.

“Look, babe. I want to be there for you and Ha

“When can you be ready by? We’re going to be leaving here in thirty,” I warn.

“I’m ready when you are. Come pick me up.” Her voice is happy again, and I feel a slight weight lifted off my shoulder that I don’t have to go through today alone.

Walking in to get Ha

On the drive to pick up Gabby, I decide to give Adam a call and see what last night was all about.

“Where the fuck were you last night, dude?” he demands, pissy already this early in the morning.

“Hospital,” I manage, watching traffic buzz by.

“Shit, dude… everything okay?” he stammers.

“No. My mom died,” I whisper, the words not wanting to come out.

“Fuck... oh shit, man. I uh… Shit…”A grin breaks on my stone features that the great Mr. Chicago is speechless finally. Sucks balls that it’s over a topic like this, though.

“Yeah, so, if you don’t mind, I’ll be taking a few days off.”

“Yeah… absolutely. You need help with anything? Who’s with Ha

“Nah, it’s fine. Gab’s coming with me today to help out,” I say nonchalantly, like we’ve spoken about the whole ‘Gabby’ situation.