Cam Girl

Morgan: hiding our true faces

Morgan: touching each other through this digital veil

SoBlue: you see the veil as obscuring.

SoBlue: i see it as freeing.

SoBlue: we can be ourselves without preconceptions.

It can’t be you, I thought. You can’t be the person I think.

I’ll prove it.

Morgan: this is the last night you get to see me like this

Morgan: it’s over

Morgan: our little online romance

Morgan: you gave me an ultimatum once, so here’s mine

Morgan: either meet me irl or we’re done

SoBlue: i’m not ready.

Morgan: readiness is an illusion, Blue

Morgan: remember?

SoBlue: this will change things between us.

SoBlue: irrevocably.

Morgan: I don’t care

Morgan: do you really feel something for me, or not?

Morgan: because I feel something for you

Morgan: if you care about me, prove it

Morgan: no more secret online bullshit

Morgan: meet me

Morgan: let me see your face

Morgan: let me hear your voice

Morgan: show me that you’re real

Now I was in Ellis’s shoes, pressing someone to choose. To commit.

Thanks for the karmic payback, universe.

SoBlue: vada.

SoBlue: okay.

SoBlue: okay. we can meet.

A tingling wave washed through me. I slumped against the headboard, tension ebbing.

“No bullshitting,” I said. “No putting this off.”

SoBlue: when?

“Next weekend,” I said on a whim.

SoBlue: where?

I thought of Dane. “Boston.”

SoBlue: okay.

“Okay.”

I felt like I’d been holding my breath for hours. I was light-headed.

SoBlue: i have one condition.

“You’re putting a condition on my ultimatum?”

SoBlue: yes.

SoBlue: it’s non-negotiable.

SoBlue: you’ll understand when you hear it.

“So let’s hear it.”

This time, he surprised me.

SoBlue: i want you to bring red.

Warmth moved against my face. I blinked into the too-bright light. Ellis sat on the edge of the hotel bed, brushing my hair back.

“What happened to waiting up?” she said.

“A forty-ounce.”

She smiled. “I drank too much, too.”

“Kiss any cute gay boys?” I pulled her closer. “You smell like a Diesel store.”

She laughed and pushed me away but I held on. Somehow we got tangled up, rolled across the mattress till we lay side by side. Still in her guy getup. Through the blur filter on my brain I thought: tell her, tell her, tell her.

“Did you find Sergio?”

“Yeah.” She kept combing her fingers through my hair. “He’s really nice. We talked a long time. He wanted to open up to someone.”

“What’d he say?”

“Exactly what we expected. Ryan liked boys.”

“That’s it?”

She shrugged.

“There has to be more.”

“He got bullied. Even Max couldn’t stand it.”

I frowned. “Max isn’t homophobic. He’s never had a problem with me.”

“It’s different when it’s your own kid. Trust me.”

True enough. Mamá didn’t bat an eyelash at my best friend being gay, but my casual hookups with girls kept her up at night.

“So what happened at the dance?” I said.

“Ryan probably came out.”

“But how? Did he kiss some guy? The way people were freaking out—”

“Vada, what are you hoping to find?”

“I don’t know. The final puzzle piece. Something that makes the whole picture make sense.”

“You always want things to be epic. Sometimes even a tragedy is just ordinary.”

Lamplight skimmed the side of her face, the clean line of her jaw, the angled hollows. Her lips were soft and lily pink, girlish. Eyes narrowed, framed by long lashes. In her boy clothes she seemed like someone entirely strange and entirely familiar at once.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s like I’ve never seen you before, Ellis.”

I pushed her down to the bed. Her shirt smelled like musky cologne and crisp autumn woods and her, just her, and I couldn’t get enough. I drank her in. At some point the hand resting i

“I want you,” I whispered. “I’m ready for this.”

We twisted across the bed till she rose over me, pi

“Why now? Why all of a sudden?”

“It’s not sudden.” My left arm was stronger than hers and I jerked free, looped her waist, pulled her closer. “It feels like stones being laid on my chest every day. Small, and only a few each time, but I can barely breathe anymore. I need oxygen. I need you.”

“Did something happen?”

“Will you just fucking kiss me?”

She took my face between her palms. Her mouth was bittersweet, amaretto and crème de cacao. She kissed lightly at first but when I bit her lip and opened wider she thrust her tongue inside, her body tensing, coiling against mine. So fucking hot when she was aggressive. She held me down, kissed me so hard and deep my mouth felt fucked. With my free hand I squeezed her ass, the back of her thigh. Slid between them. Gripped the crotch of her jeans.

Ellis went still, breathing hard. “Vada.”

“What?”

“Are you thinking about me, or him?”

Idiot, drunken me hesitated.

She disentangled herself. Left the bed.

“Ellis, wait.”

I caught her at the bathroom door. She tried to slam it in my face but I slapped my weak palm against it, crying out in pain.

“Oh god,” she said. “Sorry. Did I—”

I shoved her into the bathroom. Bashed the light switch and flicked the fluorescents on. This time I was the tiger in the cage.

I was on her before she could react, my fingers fumbling at shirt buttons. I popped one on accident and the rest on purpose.

“Take your fucking clothes off,” I said.

“Why, so you can see how much of a girl I am? So you can be disappointed?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

“You want Blue to fuck you.” She raked her hands through her hair. “This is like that night all over again. Nothing’s changed. Nothing’s changed at all.”

You do remember, I thought. But how much?

She glanced wildly around the bathroom, panicking. Settled on the shower. Stepped inside.

“What are you doing?” I said.

“Making this feeling stop.”

Ellis wrenched the water on, ice cold. She gasped but didn’t recoil.

“You’re crazy,” I said. “Get out of there.”

Her hair turned blood-dark, smashing against her eyes. Her clothes twisted heavily around her limbs.

“Ellis.” I moved closer. “Goddammit.”

I stepped in with her, shuddering when the water hit. It felt more like electric shock than cold. My shaking arms rose, hands skidding over her wet face.

“What are you doing?” she said, echoing me.

“Being crazy with you.”

If there’s a better definition of love than mutual benevolent insanity, I haven’t heard it.

My tee and panties were instantly soaked. I put my arms around Ellis, craving the heat of her body. She looked at me a moment and then kissed me again, less desperate, more a gentle inevitability, a slow fire. In the end, Atlantis didn’t drown. It sank beneath the waves and burned into red ash.

Ice water jetted down on us but all I felt was her. Warm skin gliding against me. Wet hair splaying across our faces, catching in our mouths as we kissed. She pressed me up against the tiles, her hands in my sopping shirt, on my breasts. Thumbs brushed my nipples. One hand ran down my belly, between my legs, and I parted them for her, my limbs curling around her helplessly like closing petals when she pressed into that heat. She touched me through my panties. Gripped my jaw and raised my face, made me look at her while her finger pushed harder, harder, then inside. When I cried out water filled my mouth, steely, tinged with rust. She tilted my face into the stream, fingered me through wet cotton. I pulled her mouth to mine but she broke the kiss.