Pucked Up

“Yeah.”

“You’re sure about that?” Her tone makes me nervous.

“That’s what Su

“I think Su

“So she didn’t do a lot of dating. That’s not a bad thing.” The asshole in me likes the idea that Su

“Not necessarily . . .” She hedges. “Hold on a second. I need to ask Alex something.” She covers the receiver. Her voice is muffled and then she’s clear again. “Charlene returned the purse. I’m talking to Buck now. No. No. Don’t even.” There’s some fumbling. “I won’t touch the MC for a week if you do that! I mean it! Stop.” When Violet turns her attention back to me, she’s slightly breathless. I don’t want to think about what was happening on the other end of the line. “I was right. Kale’s the only guy Su

“But that was a long time ago, so it shouldn’t be a big deal, right? She’s gotta be over him. She said she broke it off, so that has to count for something. Apparently he got his ass dumped again recently, so it shouldn’t be a big deal that they’re going on this camping trip.” I need some confirmation this is going to be okay.

“I don’t know, Buck.”

Her lack of confidence is disconcerting. “You’re not making me feel better about this.”

“Did she tell you when they broke up?” Violet asks.

“During senior year, I think? That was two years ago, though. That’s plenty of time to move on, isn’t it?” Two years seems like a long time, but then that’s me. I waited all of two days to move on when I found out the girl I’d been dating was screwing around with half the hockey team at her college, two states away. Then I fucked all the depression out. It wasn’t the most effective strategy, but it kept me busy. That was five years ago. Then I got drafted.

“In theory.”

“Why in theory?”

“They started dating when Su

“I can do the math.” That’s almost as long as I’ve been playing professional hockey. “I can’t believe he never gave her a goddamn orgasm. Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with that guy, and why the hell is she in a camping trailer with him for a week? We’ve been together for like, what, three months, maybe a little more? I’ve already given her, like, fifty. She should’ve bailed on that trip and come with me.”

“Unfortunately, it’s not all about the orgasms.”

“Well, it should be. That’s the first thing I give myself in the morning, and the last thing I take care of at night. They’re essential. Orgasms are like breathing.” I’m panicking. I know this. I’m also sharing a lot of information I probably shouldn’t—not that this whole conversation hasn’t been an epic overshare. We should be drunk so we can forget all the crap we’ve just told each other.

“Look, I know this is hard for you to understand. You’ve been slutting it up for a long time, but in real relationships that don’t involve bu

The panic turns into full-blown hysteria. Okay. No, it doesn’t, but I’m kinda freaked out. In reality I already know this—it’s why Su

“I put all this energy into making Su

“I’m sure it does, Buck. But you also have to remember that for the past three months she’s been seeing pictures of you with hockey hookers all over social media. One weekend without media coverage doesn’t negate that. I’m sure there was more to it than a fuck-a-thon. At least I’m hoping there was. Did you act like an asshole when she left with veggie man?”

“No.” I reconsider my answer. I might have been a bit dickish with him; only because he was being that way with me. “Maybe a little. But mostly no.”

“Care to elaborate?”

I explain what happened with Kale and try not to leave out details or paint myself in a more favorable light. It’s hard. I feel like shit. Su

When I’m done, Vi exhales into the receiver. “You haven’t done anything wrong. He provoked you, and you responded. I’ll ask Charlene and maybe one of the girls at work for their opinions, because I’ll be honest, I think it’s hot when Alex gets all possessive over me. Remember that guy in my building, Melvin? The one who smells like dick cheese and two-year-old socks?”

Vi is notorious for going on tangents. “I remember him, yeah.” I have no idea what this has to do with me and Su

“He used to ask me to hang out all the time. Even though he wasn’t a threat, Alex always wanted to get it on in the living room when he came to my place. I think it was so Melvin could hear my MC love professions.”

“MC?”

“Monster cock.”

“For Christ’s sake, Vi. I have to play hockey with this guy. How am I supposed to be able to look at him, let alone talk to him, when you tell me shit like this?”

“I’m making a point. And you guys walk around naked in front of each other all the time, so you know what Alex’s junk looks like. It’s homoerotic, if you think about it. Anyway, I like that Alex is on the club-over-the-head, barbaric side. It’s hot. I don’t know that Su

“So you’re saying I might have fucked things up again?” I can’t win at all.

“I don’t think you fucked up. All women are different. Su

“This dating crap is hard.”

Violet laughs. “It sure is. Relationships aren’t a game. No one wants to get screwed around, except maybe people who like a lot of drama and want to end up on those terrible reality dating shows.”

“I’m not playing Su

“Because of this camping trip with the ex.” It’s not a question.

“And she left out how long they dated. When we were talking, she made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal, but obviously it is. I want to be pissed, but I don’t know if I have the right to be.”

“Honestly, if you weren’t pissed, I’d be concerned. If it was another girl I’d say she was playing mind games on you, but Su

“I guarantee most of this is Lily and probably Waters.”

Vi sighs. “Maybe, but Su

“I never played anyone.”

“Maybe you didn’t string the bu