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“I hat tricked with Su
“You did what?” She screams so loud, my ear starts to ring. Her voice is muffled when she says, “Everything’s fine. I’m talking to Charlene. She bought another purse off the shopping cha
“So, like, Su
“What the hell does this have to do with a hat trick?”
“I’m getting to that. So get this, he was terrible at sexing.”
“Everyone’s terrible at sexing in high school.”
“That’s not true. I was awesome.” At least that’s what the girls said.
“Says you. I’m still not understanding what this has to do with hat tricks.”
“Apparently the guy never gave Su
Violet gasps. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” Clearly I’m not alone in thinking that’s poor boyfriend form. The first thing a guy should do is figure out what gets the girl off, especially if he wants a repeat.
“If that’s true, it really is terrible.”
“What do you mean, ‘if it’s true’?”
“You’re sure Su
“Why would she do that?”
“To make you feel good about yourself?”
“Do girls really do that?” I can’t imagine lying about not having orgasms, and Su
“I don’t know. Sometimes? Maybe. I’ve lied to Alex about . . . never mind.”
“You can’t not tell me.”
“You don’t want me to finish that sentence, Buck. I promise it won’t make a difference to this conversation, other than causing irreparable emotional damage.”
“I highly doubt that. What have you lied to him about? Sex stuff? Orgasms? About never having one before?” I try not to think about the two of them together in the locker room last spring.
Vi barks out a laugh. “Hardly. I’m like a coming machine. I can have, like, eighteen orgasms in a row. It’s awesome.”
Girls don’t realize how good they have it. Unless I learn Tantra, I’m good for a max of six a day, and that’s spread out over a twenty-four-hour period. “So if you didn’t lie about orgasms, what did you lie about?”
“You’re sure you want to know?”
Vi has a tendency to overshare and say exactly what’s on her mind at any given time. If she’s censored herself, it has to be bad, which makes me want to know even more. “I’m sure.”
“Once I lied about my level of leakiness.”
“Leakiness?”
“Leakiness.”
“What does that even mean?” I regret the question as soon as I ask it.
“How wet I get.”
I gag. “Shit, Vi. I didn’t need that information.”
“I told you you didn’t want to know, but you wouldn’t listen. It’s not my fault I’m a naturally lubey person.”
“Okay. Enough. I don’t want to hear any more. Su
“Maybe that’s her O face.”
I might agree if Su
Once, a long time ago, a rumor circulated that Waters had slept with three different chicks in one night. It wasn’t true, but it caused a shitload of issues for him when Vi found out about it. Eventually he set things straight, and it ended up being a prime example of how the media can twist information.
“You do realize you called to brag about bagging my fiancé’s sister, right? Super classy, Buck. Who else have you told?”
“No one. I called you because I can’t tell anyone else. And I didn’t bag her; we had sex. Lots of it. All over the damn house. Believe me, if I could talk to anyone other than you, I would, but I can’t. So fuck you, Vi. I’m oversharing. You do it all the time.”
She sighs. “I guess you have a point, and I’d rather you tell me than one of your hockey buddies. Those guys have big mouths. So obviously Su
“Yeah. She got over it.” That’s not one-hundred-percent truth, though, considering where she is right now versus where I’d like her to be.
“That’s good. I’m glad. So I’m taking it your weekend’s been good?” Crunching follows.
It could be cereal. Or chips. I’m hungry. “It was up until an hour ago.”
“What happened?” She doesn’t immediately throw the blame at me.
“So you know how all those bu
“I’m familiar, yes.”
Vi’s disapproval is obvious from her tone. I’m glad this is a phone conversation. “Well, I guess Lily, Su
“That shouldn’t be a surprise.”
“Yeah, well, Lily doesn’t like me much. She convinced Su
“You have to go to Muskoka today anyway, don’t you?” There’s more crunching. My stomach growls. That ci
“Yeah, but I would’ve had the entire day with her. Plus it’s not just Lily and Su
“I think bearded hipster is redundant. Don’t all hipsters have beards?” Vi snickers. “Wait. Kale? Why is that name familiar?”
“Because it’s a vegetable?”
“Maybe. Does he spell it with a K or C?”
“Who cares what he spells it with? He’s ultra granola with crunchy green turds in it. And he dated Su
“Oh.” She chews loudly for several seconds, maybe processing. “Did you meet him?”
“Yup. They all showed up at the house this morning, right after Robbie and Daisy came home early.” I roll down the window and recline the seat. A girl in ru
“Was everything okay with the ’rents?” Vi’s well aware of how protective Su
“It was mostly fine. Su
“Oh, shit.”
“Surprisingly, he didn’t seem too upset. But he gave me the ‘don’t fuck with my daughter’ talk.” Now that I think about it, it seems like Su
“You’re lucky. Imagine what it would be like to know your daughter is dating a half-man-half-yeti who’s boned fifty percent of the women in the continental US.”
I ignore her dumb joke. “I haven’t had sex with that many people.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“I’m sure I haven’t had sex with a hundred and fifty million people. But Lily thinks I’m playing Su
“Of course she does. It’s not like your reputation with the ladies is going to evaporate because you’ve started dating someone.”
The sun peeks through the trees and hits the windshield. I flip the visor down and put on my sunglasses to keep from being blinded. “I haven’t been with anyone since I met Su
“I know that, but Lily doesn’t. You’re still at the bars with your buddies all the time, and the pictures with the bu